Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy Review #1,131,131,051,197

Really, you checked out a blog called Gaming with the Gnomies for a review of the hottest movie of summer?  Are you dense?  Are you ret.... Oh, sorry, wrong comic company there.

So I took a half-day Friday and went to go see Guardians of the Galaxy with my co-workers.  A grand time was had by all.  It's worthy of all the praise, although some of the over-adulation of the actors is off-set by those reviews of those who wouldn't get it if it was surgically implanted into their body. 

I'm not even going to attempt a review a movie when you can check them out on Business Insider, The Ecological Times of Tokyo, and the unofficial Fraggle Rock fanzine.  I will, however, work off of something my friend Phil wrote in his review.

Note to self:  Never ever type his name and movie review in Google ever again, especially at your work computer.  In hindsight, I remember the stories from long ago.

Unlike Phil, Guardians hasn't supplanted Star Wars from my childhood mythology.   It has, however, attacked one of my vulnerabilities associated with that.

As Mel Brooks (as Yogurt) once said: "Moichandising, moichandising, moichandising." 

If I was a ten year old boy, I would want Guardians stuff.  Despite having a million members of the Avengers/Inhumans/Defenders to choose from, despite the fact that the Guardians will certainly meet the Terran heroes in a future movie, despite the huge catalog of characters Marvel has had over the years, as a 40-year old man, I want action figures.  Perhaps it's that the movie covered so many different groups that I want the Guardians, the Ravagers, Nova guys, Ronan's dude's that look like they were extras from one of the Riddick movies.  I want a Liberace action figure with Soviet space dogs and waterfowl.

Now, with the average action figure at the outrageous price over ten bucks apiece, and my girls appreciating My Little Ponies, this ain't gonna happen. 

However, I did spy a gravity fed display of the Guardians' Heroclix equivalents at Target.  Sure, the figures aren't that great, but at three bucks a random fig, it might be worth it.  Although I've never played Heroclix, the concept that the multiple common goons/soldier/galactic police could have some use helps counter the main problem with the Star Wars action figures as a kid:  you never have enough Stormtroopers.

Plus I need two Groots for a special project.

(Edit:  Although I can't find a set list, it looks like the GotG Heroclix are rather underwhelming, unless you want multiple sets of the team itself.  Again, they reinforce my stormtrooper corollary. )

Not that any of this has anything to do with the movie, but I will close by saying, I think my mundane wife would like this movie, even with all the wacky aliens and crazy space plots. 

And standard super-hero movie disclaimer:  GotG is PG-13.  Nothing to require years of therapy to correct, but for the love of God, don't bring you're five-year old to see it.  Even the Disney Channel promotions have a small disclaimer that essentially says not for small children.  There's cancer and a decapitation in just the first few minutes and it gets darker than that in between the Awesome Mix Tapes, Dance Offs, and Quests for Prosthetic Body Parts.

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