Thursday, June 1, 2017

Covfefe Returns to Earth!

Despite the protestations by mundanes that gamers are trying to hide from reality, sometimes reality is far better than fiction.

Somehow Donald Trump, the Viceroy of Twitter, finally goofs up a Tweet, and the world goes wild. Knowing how much I screw up my posts on social media, that's actually pretty impressive.

So what is Covfefe?

The correct question is WHO is Covfefe?

Covfefe was a early member of the Rosicrucians in 17th Century Germany.  He was one of the secret alchemists mentioned in Confessio Fraternitatis that were posed to upset the political and scientific landscape of Europe.   The Enlightenment did bring tremendous change to the world, but it was nothing compared to what could have occurred if the alchemical brotherhood's potential power did not disintegrate.

For many of them, the simple lack of a social safety net outside the Rosicrucians allowed them to be captured by agents of the Church or State and dealt with harshly.  Other, more sophisticated members, succumbed to simple offers of wealth and power that distracted them from their true goals for society.
Covfefe suffered both failings.  A greedy outsider, the alchemist quickly decided that he needed to acquire additional skills to protect his interests and prove his value to potential employers.   He travelled Europe, dealing with some of the most ruthless and vile cults, cabals, and coteries trying to amass his knowledge.  Most were merely raging socio and psychopaths, and to cover his role in their rituals, sacrifices, and dark masses, Covfefe would contact the authorities and arrange their capture and eventual destruction.

As the years passed, Covfefe earned the trust of the Church and the Absolute Monarchs reigning throughout Europe.   He became a secret inquisitor to both Church and State, hunting out crazed usurpers to order and stability, all the while shielding the actual cults and orders who knew secrets that Man Was Not Meant to Know.

With his alchemical and magical powers acquired over the years, Covfefe was near immortal, but the subsequent Age of Revolution forced him underground, where he could toy with the emotions of man at his own pace.

Napoleon?  Possibly Covfefe.  Assassinations of political leaders?  Probably not, unless they upset the social order too much.   The Great War?  Certainly not, as he had grown to enjoy the new monarchs of Europe.  If he was still active, he certainly would have attempted to dispel the wards that protection the Mad Monk Rasputin from tainting the Romanovs.  He spent much of his time in a secret lair far into the Arabian Desert.... but not far enough to have T.E. Lawrence influence hundreds of Arab fighters to assault the compound.  Covfefe fled before his immortal soul was truly tested. Lawrence only wanted certain texts, the other items were either destroyed or given to the Sultan of Nejd... and ultimately the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

It's uncertain what Covfefe has directly influenced in the past century.  Is he working with or against the other secret orders, and to what end?

There are those who are rumored to be followers of Covfefe, or at least avid students of what little information is available.  Much of the writings that Lawrence obtained are not available for public purview.  Those that are hiding in the plain sight of the public are simple spells of illusion, enchantment, and redirection, paltry parlor tricks compared to his true power displayed hundreds of years ago, but far more effective on a peasantry connected by a network of technology.   Powerful divination and evocation magicks weren't necessary when one could simply place a misdirection enchantment on a tie tack, keffiyeh, or even a hairpiece and the masses could be distracted by its randomly occurring results.

Of course when King Salman wheeled out one of his prized artifacts at a recent conference with President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt and President Donald Trump of the United States, it wasn't a coincidence. the Orb of Covfefe sat unused for decades, waiting for the perfect time for three followers of the mage-alchemist to come together and finish the ritual that will force Covfefe to return and aid them in their time of plight.
Boom-Sha-lock-lock Boom!
The ritual has been completed (why else was Trump so drained at the G-7 that he needed a golf cart?) Trump has summoned Covfefe via Twitter.  If immortal was only granting a portion of his knowledge and power to get the Donald elected President, internet thoughts and prayers won't be enough when he actually appears in the White House.

And here you thought Steve Bannon was the player behind the scenes.  He only has an expired membership to the John Birch Society.

Then again, in this day and age, Covfefe might just be Ben Kingsley pretending to be the Mandarin in Iron Man 3 all over again...

Originally, I was going to stat out Covfefe in Risus, just like I did to explain Trump, but as the concept grew, there are just too many options to restrict him as an all-powerful being, or a confidence man with streak of immortality... and a lot of luck.  

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