New Years Eve!

Pulp Figures Boxing Week Sale

Just when I thought I had my post-Christmas purchases lined up....

Pulp Figures  is running a Boxing Day Week promotion:  Buy the usual "Buy Five Packs, Get the Sixth Free" deal through the website, then e-mail them at (murch@pulpfigures.com) with a seventh selection that you get free! 

The sale will run until the end of the year: January 1st.

The Post-War Splintering of the Empire of California

It's not often, but between the Gnome Wars Facebook Group, and this blog, I get some minor fan mail.  Nothing too amazing.  In fact, I tend to get better material for random, off-hand comments on some of the e-mail chains among the Stout Gnomes.

Long-time gnome aficionado Bill Goodrick threw this one at me a while back, and it's worthy of discussion.

"ViscountEric, There was news recently of California possibly splitting into four, or even five states.  How would that affect the Imperial Republic of California?

Excellent question, Bill, as this very thing will happen in a few years down the timeline, and the result will make California the mightiest military power the world has ever seen.

Most historians focus on the Great Gnome War, which spanned the map, but few focus on the subsequent peace.  Upon cessation of hostilities the Gnomish Wanderlust that had powered exploration and war for decades prior came to a crashing halt.   Many soldiers simply dropped their weapons and began the arduous march back to their villages.

With this phenomenon occurring, the peace treaty was done far quicker than expected and put limits to ground forces of not only the losers, but the winners as well.   Armies would be considerably smaller and diplomatic channels were reaffirmed.

With the League of Gnomes firmly established, many nations would use it to curtail the economic and influence of the British mercantile fleet .  The Havana Naval Observer Treaty greatly reduced the number of ships in many powerful nations.  For a nation like the British, the permitted number of ships would barely protect the mercantile fleet.

However, in California, Emperor Steven I "The Seagull" had other plans.

The treaty would force significant ship reductions in California, but after a discussion with the regional governors, a shocking announcement was made:  portions of the of the Empire were seceding.

The improbable separation of the Empire of California would result in four states.  

Imperial California would cover Northern California and ports in Southern Columbia, which were seized for their harbors.  No changes

Uniform:  Union Gnomes - Evergreen Green Uniforms.

Los Grandos California covers the sparse southlands into the Baja.  Units are separately by whether they attended the blue neighborhood or the red ones.  Definitely, Confederate Gnomes in theme, with a few low-riders.

The Grand Principality of Schwarzeneggar-Bono  was developed with entertainers and a thriving community of German gnomes.  

The Eleven Sand Seas of Nevaho:  Lots of rhinestones , ex-pirate acrobats, and tiger cavalry led by adventurous explorer Roy Siegfried.  And a surprising number of gnomes dressed as Gnoman Infantry.  Nevaho's interior land-locked territory was mysteriously blessed by a 20 mile wide swath of territory reaching the coast.

California had deciphered the treaty and found a loophole.  Despite all the concerns for security, caps on ships were based on population, so Emporer Steven acknowledged that if his empire were carved into four nearly equal sections, They would each reach the maximum population in the treaty and an Imperial Confederacy on the West Coast could coordinate 300% more ships.

Post-Holiday Status Report

Regular readers of the blog that I can be a bit disheveled at times between our family life, kids' sports, and the never-ending barrage of hockey games we go to.

We decided to up the ante and include "remodel the downstairs" on our list.

The week before Christmas.

Now I love my wife, but the last 10 days or so have been mind-numbing.
Kitchen plumbing done by professionals, the entire downstairs floor getting ripped up and replaced in four days, two separate furniture deliveries, and TV shopping on top of the normal holiday itinerary chaos almost pushed us over the edge.  Thanks to some of the kids activities getting cancelled, we managed to push on and celebrate Christmas Eve and Day with little issue.

New flooring, new couch, even new tree....

Of course, we're painting after the New Year, so we're starting off the year where we left the last....

No great holiday gaming swag for me.  I figured power recliners, comfy chairs, and my eldest getting an XBox was good enough for me.  So after the dust settled, there are two gifts of great note to the blog:

This sweatshirt:

Second was a nice haul of the usual beers (my wife enjoys me when I drink Mad Elf.  I might be happy for weeks!) but the winner for the most interesting beer was Trooper Beer, the Iron Maiden beer, brewed by Robinsons Brewery.

My sister got me a four-pack of cans and I found it surprisingly mellow.  Pleasant first sip, zero aftertaste, and my wife thought she detected hint of honey.  Despite a madhouse all day long, I slowly sipped on this for the better part of the late afternoon.

One random note:  The latest Barbie Dream House is far bigger than its predecessors, and at least ours came in a well-labelled shipping box with no interior "store" box.  Through in all my tables at home were still covered with things from the great debacle, let's just say that Christmas Eve was exciting.  I have began to think of some GI Joe scenario using 12-inch figures and rows of these home as a condo development would be totally awesome.
.

No major excitement on the gaming front.  A busy three-day work week full of deadlines and some hockey games will continue to deny me any motivation to do more than hide away for a half hour.   I picture my Apathy column and some New Years Eve fun will be all left for this blog in 2018.

Outside of that, I plan on making an order to Reviresco/Tin-Soldier.com for some Colonials and a much desired River Gunboat.

And a second XBox controller so Maja and I can duke it out!

Merry Christmas 2018!

Christmas Eve!

God Jul 2018!

40k - Choosing a Paint Scheme for My Random Assortment of Marines

Last month at Fall-In!, my unanticipated score was twenty tons of Space Marines (or 40K lbs) for twenty bucks.

Plastic

Metals

After Christmas Day, I anticipate some downtown in work/home craziness, and I might finish my current projects that are getting a dollop of paint every other night or so.

I don't anticipate playing in any version of 40K anytime soon.  The block painting I'm currently doing might feel never-ending, but the amount of progress I've done gives me motivation to continue it.  

The figures are a mix and match of different chapter-specific minis.  

I do not wish to use any well-established Space Marine Chapters.  If there is a Codex with their name in the title, I'm trying to avoid it.  

Reject from Jaded Gamer Cast

Reject from Jaded Gamer Cast

If I give any heed to popular chapters, I'll give a shout out to the original Rogue Trader marines, the Crimson Fists:

From The Next Crusade

Internet, help!

What Events to Run at Mepacon Spring 2019?

Going solo for Cold Wars, my next GM convention event will be Mepacon will be April 12-14, 2019 at the Hilton in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The theme will be Cybernetic Futures.

I've never been a Cyberpunk/Shadowrun dude.  I've probably read more of GURPS - Cyberpunk than a Street Samurai Catalog, and the idea of multiple Six-Million Dollar Men running around in a Spirit of '77 game defeats the purpose of the word Futures in the theme.

I could just steal a bunch of stuff from Neoscum for a system of my choosing, but I doubt I would get many players.

So that leaves me two choices:

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria - It wasn't lack of interest that doomed my convention in November, it was an absolute maddening schedule that overwhelmed my soul.  Ponies have been one of my more stable and fun games.  No, I'm not doing Cyber-Ponies (a simple Google search makes steampunk a more appropriate theme), but I'm sure one of the kids will figure out some way to have a bionic hoof. 

Yeah, not doing that...

Savage Rifts:  Rifts and Savage Worlds (pre-SWADE) merge to form something exotic and very workable.  Pinnacle offered some pre-gens during the Kickstarter and I probably would use them to work on a series of East Coast/Appalachian adventures.

The choice isn't even a "one or the other" situation.  Rather, do I run ponies, do I run Savage Rifts, or do I attempt a Savage Rifts Friday night and Saturday morning, with Friday/Saturday afternoon pony slots to keep the regulars appeased?  

The Rainbow Connection, Dimensional Portals and Power Crystals

by Mike Lung, edited and revised by ViscountEric

One of the great tactical evolutions within the Great Gnome War isn't even Gnomish at all, it's Leprechaun.  The Rainbow Connection, the ability of some Irish Kings to "magically" send their troops across a battlefield in the blink of the eye, have devastated some of the enemies they have encountered.

What the common Gnome doesn't understand is that the actual science behind the feat is something that all nations have interest pursuing, it's just that the Irish have perfected it over relatively short distances and using a mobile object as it's "fixed point"

First, let's cover some items that are stowed away in Gnomish Elliptany

Dimensional Gates

If traditional land battles can be fought alongside lightning bolt throwing Wizards and Witches controlling hopping, then exploding, pumpkins, can the idea of dimensional gates to travel fantastic distances (or even time and space) that great of a jump?

What the average gnome balks at is the idea that The Great Gnome Ones, beings from well before the creation myths of gnomekind, created these numerous gates to easily move themselves and their minions from place to place and from time period to time period.  Over the years, as the Great Gnomes Ones were banished, imprisoned or destroyed by the four immortals of Gnomekind, these gates fell into disrepair.  Some of the gates were destroyed. Others just simple became hidden and lost.  Some of the gates were damaged and function only partially or sporadically, while a few of these gates remain fully functional.   A common malfunction is to convey the traveler in only one direction, blocking the way back making gate travel very dangerous indeed. 

The size of the gates varies dramatically ranging from the size of a small animal burrow to an opening that stretches miles wide which is more like a rip in the time/space continuum.  The great rips are a major reason why species that have been extinct on earth for millions of years appear as they were on other planets or “lost worlds” on earth.  Defying time and space, the worlds are blurred together as one might smear two colors of paint together on a canvas.  Near the rip, the sky and other distant landmarks would appear hazy and undefined making it hard to judge distances or details.

Most gates however tend to be roughly the size of a large human door.   The experience of traveling through a gate also varies greatly.  Often the traveler will experience a feeling of dizziness, disorientation, and nausea with a sense of falling uncontrollably.  Other times the passage through a gate is seamless and virtually imperceivable by human senses.  So in one moment a traveler is on earth in the current day, the next he could be standing on Mars in the distant past.

Well know gates:

Modern Location                           Destination

Apache Cave in Arizona               Barsoom/Mars

Egypt/Egyptian Pyramids             Barsoom/Mars

Mesoamerican Pyramids              Barsoom/Mars

Australia                                       Barsoom/Mars

Lost World Plateau in Brazil        Jurassic

Lost World Plateau in Mongolia  Jurassic

Lost World in Congo                   Jurassic

Antarctic/Arctic                            Jurassic

Venus                                          Jurassic

Siberia                                         Ice Age

Cave in Romania                         Vampire World of Brian Lumley

Tibet                                             Yuggoth, Pluto

Mountains of the Moon, Africa      Moon

             

Power Crystals

The Great Gnome Ones used power crystals to power these dimensional gates.  The crystals are brightly colored that have a property that makes them appear to shine from within giving off a bright light that never seems to fade or flicker.  Known crystal colors are green, blue, red, and yellow although other more rare colors may exist.  To be used as a power source, the crystals are carefully cut into small perfectly shaped jewels.  Devices are powered by the use of multiple colored jewels placed in complex geometric patterns.  When arranged in such a fashion, touching the crystals in certain specific order with activate devices.  Touching them out of order can have serious, undesired consequences.  Some of the intact gates have instructive drawings carved in stone near the devices.

Power crystals are mainly found in a prehistoric world.  They are rare and sometimes found above ground attached to rock outcroppings.  But usually are found underground in caverns and caves.  

For unknown reasons, local lizardman tribes fanatically protect the stones.  In at least one documented case, they were seen to have been worshiping the stones.  Because of this, gathering stones can be a very perilous job. Lizardmen generally are between 6’ to 9’ tall and very strong.  There are some reports of particularly large lizardmen being as tall as 15’ or more.  But those observations are not confirmed and are likely not credible.

Crystals are highly sought after by scientists and various.  The incredible untapped power contained within each crystal is obviously immense, the potential uses for these crystals is  and the value of each crystal or jewel is extraordinary.   Just looking at into a crystal can cause an almost drug like addiction to the stone.  If left alone, a person could spend hours or even days staring into the rocks depths.  There are reports of the stones cause a type of lunacy to the viewer.  Despite these dangers, there are many people who will stop at nothing to obtain these precious items no matter the risk to themselves or the harm done to others.  

Back to the Rainbow Connection.   While it is a feat requiring the Leprechaun Kings to channel energy, most Kings cheat, and will use shards of rare prismatic power crystals, discovered from time immemorial,  within their shillelaghs to augment their power.  It is doubtful that a regular leprechaun could wield such a shillelagh, although this might very well be how the Irish pick a new leader when one of their own falls in battle.  Although yet to be proven, gnomish scientists and meta-psychics experts largely agree that if the Irish ever try to use the Rainbow Connection in an area with a dimensional portals, "something tremendous" would occur. 

Over five years ago,Mike sent me his crazy ideas on portals and power crystals.  Last year, I posted his ideas with some minor alterations and edits.  This year, it's fitting to start adding gnome-related material, especially after watching the carnage the Rainbow Connection made on the table during my game at Fall-In! 

Curse of Nevoz #3 - Fourteen Beers at Chili's

It's April in 1994 Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada.  The sun is shining, the temperatures are finally peeking over zero degrees (Celsius), although the the hard snow pack will remain for at least another month.  

College students are finally breaking from the angsty Grunge routine of the Winter doldrums.  In fact, with Summer mixes of gas now available, it was time for a road trip.  

For Junior Jewel Fisher, switching rooms mid-semester had been difficult, not as difficult as getting stuck between Russian spies and the Canadian Special Forces, but her new roommate was from Bangladesh and there were no electronics of any sort in the room.  

Her ex-boyfriend, Alan Jonas, had scored an old color TV from the Salvo, and that got her thinking of her Nintendo Entertainment System, still sitting in her Gram's place outside of Calgary.   The Sega Genesis was where it was at for the boys, but Jewel was content for some Mario-related fun, especially since he had gotten the plug-ins for FOUR controllers.

But how to get to the game system that was over 300 kilometers away? 

Enter Paul Rochon, Jr.

Paul's father was the famed Canadian Mountie, Paul "The Butcher" Rochon, Sr.  Paul Senior had been grooming his son to follow in his footsteps, but the teenage years had caused some academic rebellion.  His indoctrinated passion for Criminal Science was replaced with a love of the natural sciences.  At some point, Paul's father stopped fighting and let him pursue a degree at Medicine Hat College.  

Perhaps he would change his mind and go into CSI work.

To Jewel, Paul had a car... and such a sheltered childhood that he had never played on an NES.  With the offer of unlimited play time, Paul grabbed his keys and the trio drove to the western side of Calgary.

The numerous stories told on campus upon their return gave wildly different accounts to Jewel's Gram's house.  Some said it was a quaint clapboard house, others a spacious igloo.  All of them mentioned an excessive amount of garden gnomes in the front yard.

Gram let them in and immediately began feeding them lunch meat.... Hamburger Helper, cookies, cakes, you name it.  

Jewel dug out the NES and all the accessories and the only casualty was Paul's psyche when he went into the bathroom and saw Gram's soiled undergarments hanging off the shower curtain.  

Thanking her for her hospitality, the group departed, but not before Gram crushed a couple of fresh Canadian bills in her daughter's hand, as well as a happy hour coupon for Calgary's favorite Tex-Mex American Restaurant, Chili's Texas Grill!

They drove across Calgary to the last location before the mindless stretch of highway towards Medicine Hat.  They ponied up to the bar, presented their coupon for cheap Labatt's, and outside of an odd exchange between Alan, a table of gay bikers, and Alan's penchant for eating pickles behind the bar, they went to work properly celebrating. 

Fourteen beers at Chili's later, ninjas dropped from the ceiling.

Sais, katanas, and throwing stars sprayed the restaurant in blood.  The only people who held their own were the travelling college students, and only then because their ninja combatants were as incompetent as they were.

Alan attempted to hop over the bar and grab a very-flammable bottle of Canadian Club (Is it just called "Club" in Canada?), but fell face-first on the dirty rubber mat on the floor.   He had better luck tossing little drink umbrellas into the ninjas' eyes.

Paul tried to wrestle the ninjas, but got nothing more than some nasty-looking but superficial cuts, and a few pieces of flair sticking to his back.

Jewel had successfully waylayed her first ninja, which gave her enough time to pull the vintage sweater and pads of Flames goalie Rejean Lemelin.  Properly armored, Jewel dove into the ninjas, knocking out a number of them, before some errant plumbing somehow set off the sprinkler system, and finally alerted the authorities.

Sitting on the outdoor patio, the students gave their statements to the local authorities, and despite what looked to be the death of a few patrons and a handful of ninjas, it all cooked up to be some college fraternity prank gone awry.

The students were let go and continued on their way back to Medicine Hat.

At a rest stop, Paul rummaged through a handful of items he got off the bodies of the "frat boys" before the authorities arrived:  a small set of nunchucks, a red bandana with a lotus symbol, and a single Chinese fortune cookie, opened, but still sitting in the packaging.

With Gram's Hamburger Helper already working it's way out, he figured a stale fortune cookie might tide him over until they got back, but as he was about to pop it in his mouth, he could hear an unknown voice.

"Like, don't eat me,dude, that's a harsh realm I do not wish to visit."

Paul looked down and could see two little eyes and a mouth on the fortune cookie.

It was their first introduction to Ed.

Bob Olley's Prussian Scrunts Over at A Loft Full of Lead

Someone over at A Loft Full of Lead has acquired a number of Bob Olley's Scrunts, and his Prussians are a glorious thing to behold.

https://coronasan.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/steam-wars-playtest-ii/

Scrunt Cavalry 

His Steam Wars games look like a hoot (soooo much nice looking MDF terrain). 

Heck, this fella has some painted up Grymn from Hasslefree....

This is a newsletter I will be subscribing to. 

(GURPS) Eric Jacobson, Another Year Gamified

For seven years, I've eschewed the traditional dream diary or simply forgetting my dreams and turned them into character points for a GURPS version of myself I set up over 25 years ago.

I continue to stress my point that I developed into Tom Arnold's character from True Lies, and advanced years beyond that.

ST: 10 DX: 11 IQ: 13 HT: 12  (As usual, no change to my stats.)

Advantages: Charisma +2 (I am a helluva guy), Common Sense (I'm constantly warning people in dreams not to do stupid things), Luck , Voice, Light Hangover.

Disadvantages: Bloodlust, Nearsighted (corrected), Gluttony, Stubbornness, Sense of Duty (Friends). Enemy: The Mormons (earned "in-game" no points), Dependents: Family (earned "in-game" no points)

Accounting 11
Acrobatics 8
Acting 13
Administration 19  +1
Animal Handling 11  +1
Anthropology 11
Archaeology 10
Area Knowledge: Baltimore 11
Area Knowledge: Iceland 13
Area Knowledge: Lehigh Valley 14
Area Knowledge: Michigan Upper Peninsula 11
Area Knowledge: New York City 13
Area Knowledge: South Africa 13
Bard 20 
Bicycling 11
Boating 9
Boxing 10
Brawling 13
Camouflage 14
Carousing 12
Climbing 11
Club 11
Computer Ops 13 
Conspiracy Theory 11
Crytography 10
Dancing 10
Diplomacy 13
Drive Tractor Trailer 11
Drive: motorcycle 9
Driving: Auto 14
Driving: Diesel Locomotive 11
Economics 12
Electronics Operation: 11
Engineering 12
English 14
Fast Talk 13
First Aid 13
Forensics 12  +2
Forgery 10
Geology 10
Guns: Pistol 14
Guns: Rifle 14
Guns: SMG 13
Hiking 11 +1 
History 17
Hobby Gaming 14 +1
Hobby: Models 12
Intell Analysis 11
Interrogation 11
Judo 9
Knife 10
Language: French 12
Law 12
Leadership 12
Mathematics 10
Mechanic 11
Merchant 11
Meteorology 11
Naturalist 10
Navigate 11
Occultism 14
Politics 14
Performance 14
Psychology 10
Punning 11
Running 13
Savoir Faire 17 (+1)
Saxophone 12
Scrounging 13
Sex Appeal 14
Sport: Basketball 10
Sport: Football 9
Sport: Golf 11
Sport: Ice Skating 8
Sport:Volleyball 9
Stealth 11
Strategy 10
Streetwise 11
Survival: Mountains 12
Survival: NBC 13
Swimming 11
Tactics 13
Theology 10
Wrestling 10

New Skills
Physician 10
Demolitions  12

With all that I'm now middle/upper management with some sort of intelligence agency with the extra boosts to Admin, Bard, Forensics (big time!), Guns, and Survival NBC.   I assume my cushy office job hasn't been traded for time working the streets quite yet, but I've had opportunities to take over investigations and gain some knowledge on techniques I don't normally oversee.

I've taken a lot of weird cruises and even odder trips to amusement parks.   I blame my wife.

274 points even. 

Mythos in My Pocket?

What do you get for the Lovecraft fan with everything?

How about Mythos in My Pocket?

Mix in Cthulhu Mythos, Monster in My Pocket, and M.U.S.C.L.E figures (whom I already love very much) and this might be a winner.

Razing the Dead

Almost a years ago, I mentioned how the hotel that hosted my first convention was officially closing and ready to be torn down.

Forty-nine weeks later, and it is finally gone.  Only the parking lot and electrical equipment remains.

Can't wait to see what sort of a tourist trap will replace it.

Frostgrave Invaded by Female Soldiers

North Star has launched a new boxed set for Frostgrave, and this time, they're all female soldiers.

Let's assume they'll be making their way through proper overseas distribution channels in due time. 

Between the new boxed set and their regular line of metal minis, Frostgrave might be the game with the most appropriately clothed female figures in quite some time. 

Curse of Nevoz #2 - Calgary Deep Dish/Canadian Deep State

April '94 Medicine Hat College, Alberta, Canada, a few weeks after "the incident"

This late in the winter, even hardy Canadians grow tired of traipsing across to the icy quad on a Friday night to hit the drinking district of Medicine Hat.   While some might hit a dorm room stash of Alberta "Premium" Whiskey or a few loose cans of Molson that rolled under the bed, for many it's a night of food deliveries and jamming out to the beloved stylings of Bryan Adams and Celine Dion.

In room 117, three students were jamming out to Ace of Base.

Bob Krebs: A college student in his third Sophomore year, Bob's a Liberal Arts major at Medicine Hat College with a minor in Art History Appreciation (he's failed the same class so many times, they gave him a minor in it). He enjoys listening to lumberjack grunge music, wearing lots of red flannel, looking for "the mara-who-juana" and hanging with his friends.  Bob had started dating Jewel, but a relationship built upon the terror of watching random people getting devoured by an invisible entity was never meant to last.  They recently broke up, but Jewel's cool enough to hang with the crew, eh...

Alan Jonas: A Junior at Medicine Hat College, studying Geography. He was an academic drop-out at the Royal Military College of Canada, known for academic guffaws and short, violent outbursts.  Nowadays, he's relaxed a bit and can be found chilling with his friend, Bob and his recently ex-girlfriend, Jewel.  . 

From that one time he joined a Robin Hood themed game of Killer on campus.

Jewel:  Ex-girlfriend of Old Man Ralph, and recent ex-girlfriend of Alan. This Junior Canadian English major still enjoys the company of her new friends, even occasionally offering her dorm room for activities, even if her roommate Elaine doesn't appreciate it.

If she could only sing or play guitar...

As hungry as the trio was, Bob and Alan's room was akin to a toxic waste site down in the States.  Somewhere there had to be a flyer for Chinese or pizza.  If only these Canadian dorm phones could store frequently used numbers, or at least remember the last place you called....

Finally, Bob pulled out a menu for a Puck 'n Pizza, home of Medicine Hat's own famous Calgary Deep dish.   Calling in, they order a pepperoni and Alan's favorite, back bacon and maple syrup.

A few minutes later and a knock on the door produce a odd-looking Russian delivery guy with two pizza boxes.  A quick search for couch change for a tip (and Jewel covering one of the pizzas), they brought out unused textbooks as plates and chowed down.

The pizza was warm and filling, the finer songs of Ace of Base emotionally opening, but something weird was underneath Alan's pie.

Attached to the crust and syrup was a 5 1/4" floppy disk.

With the computer lab closed since 5pm Friday night, the crew was confused by their find.

"Hey," Jewel meekly emitted, "Elaine has a computer with one of those drives for the computer disk.  She's out studying or some nonsense.  I'm sure she won't mind if we use it to see what's on it."
."Cool..." Bob said, "let's go up to your room.  Jewel, grab the pizzas..."

"And I'll grab Axis and Allies," cried Alan.

Upstairs, they powered up Elaine's computer and inserted the disk, not expecting much.  But even with Canada's finest syrup drenching the disk, the drive whirred to life and the screen lit up.

OUTSIDE COM PORT DETECTED....

CONNECTING....

CONNECTION ESTABLISHED 2400 BAUD....

LOADING...

Bob was impressed, "She's got one of them twenty four hundred baum moderns that connect to those bulletin boards."

The green screen generated a graphic of the great nation of Canada, with "Welcome to Royal Canadian Air Defense Command."

The computer made weird screeching sounds, then the computer tower lit up like a Christmas tree as text generated under the map.

FILE TRANSFER INITIATED 

... flashed every three seconds.  Wanting to see what was happening, the trio waited.

... and waited...

... and after two games of Axis & Allies, heard of a knock on the door.

It was the same Russian delivery guy, except know his Pizza Delivery Track Suit smelled of sweat, and he had a worried look on his face.

"Da Pi-zzah... you not get right order, I need to take back what you get and get you fresh order from car."

Jewel was the first to question the situation. "Why didn't you bring the new pizzas up with you.... and how did you know we'd be here?  This isn't the room you delivered to???"

The Russian took a step inside and produced a pistol.  "I vill take pi-zzah.... the da disks."

He then formed a look of horror as the took a first glance at Elaine's computer working overtime on some operation.

"You fools, you inserted the disk to access Canadian Arctic NORAD. We are all doomed," he exclaimed.

Just then the dorm room door opened up, and Jewel's roommate Elaine barged in, surveyed the scene, and burst into a rage.

"What did you do to my computer?  Why are you eating pizza with these freaks on textbooks?  Who is the creepy Russian dude."

The Russian quickly stowed his gun in his back waistband, gazed into her eyes and said, "I like strong American woman here now, I am Vladi, and these folks grabbed me from computer programming project to fix your computer before you come back, but they are very cheap and we negotiate long time before you arrive.  For date with you, American fox, my treat, I fix computer quickly and for free."

Elaine pondered the option, but a series of small red lights shone on her body, proceeded by a series of gunshots cracking through the window.  Vladi whipped his pistol back out and unload an entire clip into the nearly decapitated body of Elaine, the momentum somehow sending her body across the room, and tangling up some white clad commandos swinging from the roof.

As he reloaded his pistol, another volley of small arms fire from a distant helicopter, ricocheted through the room, hitting the Russian multiple times.

The three surviving college students low-crawled through the room and crawled out the door.  Sensing movement at the stairwells at the ends of the hall, Bob pulled a fire alarm and screamed.  The ensuing throngs of half-drunk college students obscured the view of the heavily armed men.

They escaped down the central staircase and were met by Canadian Special Forces

"OH....MA....GAWD...!!!"  Jewel exclaimed in her best California exchange student voices.  "The Flames and Canucks are in overtime and SOMEONE has the nerve to pull a fire alarm!  The nerve, like you know?"

The commandos bought it and let them go.

As the mingled into the crowd of students in the parking lot, Alan looked at his friends, "We're still going to get in trouble.  Elaine's dead, Jewel's room is a mess, and that disk thing is still in the computer."

"No it's not," Bob corrected Alan, "I snagged it when we dashed out the door, I got it right here."

Bob reached into his back pocket and pulled out the disk, folded harshly into thirds.

*cue music*

GM Notes: When our online 5e doesn't go off, I have limited time to plan and play a scenario.  With this very nebulous "Nevoz" setting in the Canadian prairie, while monster of the week could work with as rare we get to play it, it's also a venue for me to work in some cool concepts stolen from other source.

Calgary Deep Dish is inspired by episode #233 of Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff.   In fact, I'm quite certain that the idea of rogue Chicago Deep Dish pizza shops profiting off the success of the best shop in town... in Canada, helped me formulate the foundation of the game.

I have gotten more requests for "Cthulhu" when we're presented with possible cancellation of the 5e game, so anticipate future episodes... someday.

Next: #3 -  Fourteen Beers at Chili's 

Fourteen Shopping Days Till Christmas.... Ugh.

This late Thanksgiving coupled with the kids' insane sports schedule has made me realize this morning that there's only 14 shopping days till Christmas.

We have no clue what we're doing for anything.

It might have to do something with (a) my wife snagging a charity hockey sweater via auction that amounts to our usual his/her budget, (b) new sets of furniture for the living room and TV room, (c) new flooring for the entire first floor of the house.... getting installed the entire week before Christmas. 

My weekend had a short amount of time where I entered two more entries for the Lost Dispatches (it's finished well into March), installed some much needed lighting in the Kriget Rum, and applied second coats on a lot of the minis I got started before the last update (Oh, the brightness...).

Most of the weekend was dedicated to professional hockey (1 family outing), followed by grade school community basketball.   Yes, they're Dad-gushing stories, but they're better than most gaming write-ups. 

Millie had one game in her 2nd Grade league.   She's the only girl on her team, and most teams only have one or two girls, go a big chip on her shoulder is required.  Although league rules stipulate score is not kept (heresy!) we figured it was a tight game in the low 20's for each team. 

Millie's line is pretty impressive, given the previous info:  6 points, 10 rebounds, and 1 big steal, but my proudest moment wasn't listed on my unofficial scorecard. 

Somehow she got the ball by the basket and was immediately swarmed by the five boys on the other team.  Instead of getting stripped of the ball, or ending up with a dead ball call (jump ball), she thrashed back and forth in such a violent way that she managed to make one step and and clean pass to a teammate.  Sure, the other kid missed the shot, but everyone in attendance showed some appreciation for the effort.

It was a little like that....

Compared to Maja's runner-up team last year, her current 3rd/4th grade girls team was a complete dumpster fire last week.   Regardless she was pumped to play at 5pm Saturday, until she got the call to fill in for team short on players.    Good news: She would be playing with two of her friends from last year.  Bad news: they played a double header 3pm/4pm, right before her usual game. 

In the end, she cruised in her first two game 42-17 and 20-9,  Maja doing exactly what was needed. 

The best part of her story lay in the final few minutes of that first blow-out.  The coach had figured out that all girls had made a basketball save for a tiny little 3rd grader named Molly.  With the game well in hand, it became the team's mission to get Molly the ball to score, by any means necessary.   The other team was not too keen on that idea and the last three minutes was some of the most vicious early season play I've seen at any level. 

Finally, with five seconds left, the ball eeks into the paint where Maja grabbed it and had an easy uncontested shot.  Instead, she hit a perfect bounce pass over to Molly who made the shot just as time expired.  Kids screamed, parents cheered, and two mothers may have been crying.  Molly's.... and my wife. 

So, no matter how little I'm getting done with my hobby, my home and family life are pretty awesome.

Plus, we had a dwarf sit behind us at hockey, wearing the following sweater:

For the Hackmaster Player With Everything

If 3-D Printing was only available 17 years ago, when I had the PCs face a dreaded gazebo (dopplemeister) in my Hackmaster Journey of Mutumbo Campaign

3DPrintedDebris offers a Dread Gazebo Mini on their Etsy page..  At 4" x 4" x 1.5" it's a little small for 25mm, but let's assume the creature shrinks when they attack, shall we?

(Kickstarter) War for Chicken Island

My Kickstarter judgement is pretty good, and part of me says this is too good to be true, but a large portion of just loves the concepts and application for War for Chicken Island.

Draco Studios recently cancelled the first launch for the game.  They readjusted the pledge levels and add-ons and this second try is near its new, lower goal within the first few days with a solid retention from the original campaign.

Heck, the minis only reward level is ridiculous enough that I'm tempted.

(Kickstarter) OGRE Battlefields by Steve Jackson Games

Steve Jackson Games is fulfilling promises from their OGRE Designer's Edition Kickstarter by launching new boards for OGRE Designer and OGRE 6th Edition with OGRE Battlefields.

Alternative Armies: 28mm Fantasy Snowmen our last two new releases for...

I do follow Alternative Armies' blog, but I have to credit our intrepid correspondent Mike Lung for point out their latest post, 28mm Fantasy Snowmen our last two new releases for the season

Because the world needs more 28mm Snowmen

Alternative Armies is usually rich in material this time of year for Flintloque and Slaughterloo, and the snowmen are a fantastic start. 

(Gnome Wars) The Brotherhood of Urinatius

A few years ago, I posted the write-up for Mike Lung's Cult of Urinatiuss, an evil organization, a "yellow peril" if you would, poised to usurp the Gnomish order with the worship of their own dark god. 

The influence of the cult has been reduced to a trickle, but as an early Christmas present, I provide the research material Mike used, plus UNOFFICIAL write-up of the Brotherhood of Urinitas.  

Even rival cults will admit the Brotherhood is number one!

Supplication to Uriatius

Statues of Urinatius:

The Rite of Micturition (aka., The Ritual of the Golden Purge)

Unofficial Gnome Wars Card

Brotherhood of Urinatius

Infantry Movement

Maximum movement allowance for all Gnomes is 12 inches per turn.

Firing

Weapon	Target Distance	Roll For Hit	No. 6 Sided Die per shot
Shotgun	1” to 6” 7” to 12” 13” to 24”	2, 3, 4, 5, 6 3, 4, 5, 6 6	2
Pistol	1” to 6” 7” to 12”	3, 4, 5, 6 4, 5, 6	2

Light Cover:  -1 on firing roll to hit.  Hard Cover:  -2 on firing roll to hit.

Any Gnome that fires during their movement must pay 6” of movement allowance.  So a figure may fire and then mover 6”, or move 6” and then fire.  The figure may not move 3”, fire, and move 3”.

Hand-to-Hand

Figure	Die for Melee
Cultist Leader	8 sided
Cultist with Shotgun	6 sided
Cultists with One Handed Sickle	8 sided
Cultists with Two Handed Sickle	10 sided
Thing from the Cellar…Spuddgoth	3d8 sided*

The player who initiates the H-to-H combat determines which figures engage which.

Figures must match 1-1 before matching them 2-1; you cannot have greater than 2-1.

Hand-to-Hand combat will occur when opposing Gnomes move within 2” of each other. All Gnomes within 3” of the melee are ‘sucked in’ and will join the fight.

*May attack up to 3 opponents, or use up to 3 dice per opponent choosing highest score.

Special Rules

Supplication of Urinatius (aka. PeeWeeing)

Individual members of the Brotherhood may attempt an act of supplication to his god once per turn.  To do this, the cultist must not move this turn or take any other action (firing, melee and etc.)  Roll 1d8 per supplicating cultist.  On a 5, 6, 7, or 8, the prayer has been answered and Urinatius has sent a servitor (Spook) to aid cultists for the rest of the game.  If successful, the spook is placed next to the cultist that summoned it.  The next turn it is free to act.  There can be no more than 1 spook per cultists.  Spooks must remain with 12” of the cultists if given no specific mission.  However, if the spook is given a specific mission, that mission must be simple and written down on a piece of paper or told to the game master.  The spook will do everything in its power to accomplish that mission.  Upon completion, the spook is released and may continue its afterlife journey.

Spooks

Figure	Die for Melee
Spook	8 sided

Spooks are non-corporeal bodies that haunt the material world.  They generally mean spirited and relish pain and suffering of its victims.  Spooks move up to 18” and may move through objects like walls or trees.  They may only cross moving water at bridges or on boats.  If for some reason, the spook comes in contact with moving water (rivers, lakes, oceans and etc).  The spook is destroyed.

Spooks are almost invulnerable to material missile weapons.  Only a roll of a natural “6” will hit them. 

However, magic has double the effect on them.  I.e., the Wizard would roll 2 dice instead of one when attacking them.   

In melee, Spooks may be harmed as normal.  Some special weapons can be deemed to be especially effective against them, i.e., Cultists with Golden Sickles get a +1 to their melee attack against all undead including Spooks.

The Ritual of the Golden Purge

Cultists who begin their turn next to a Fountain of Urinatius, may participate in the infamous Ritual of the Golden Purge.  Prior to the ritual, the cultist must prepare himself by drinking copious amounts of beer.  The Game Master may deem if this requirement is met.  If it is, the cultist may not move during the turn the ritual is being performed or take any other action (firing, melee and etc…except perhaps filling up on more beer!)  Spooks under the control of the cultist may act as normal.  The Game Master will roll 1d6 per turn per cultist involved in the ritual. Cultist leaders count as 2 dice per turn.  When the cumulative total is equal to or greater than 30, a gate has open up between the material world and the void through which the souls of the dead (znombies) pour through.  When the gate is opened, cultists involved in the ritual may get 1 free move 12” away from the fountain.  The fountain then erupts spilling forth hordes of znombies.

Znombies are not controlled by any player. They are driven only by their desire to eat living gnomes and other creatures in a vain attempt to satisfy their insatiable hunger from being cooped up in the void for so long.  Znombies may only be controlled by players under certain circumstances (vampires, witches, and etc.).  Otherwise, they are controlled by the Game Master and following rules:

Znombies should be grouped in packs of 10 or so figures.  Each pack will move 8” towards the nearest live creature that it can see with in 24”.  If the pack cannot see a target, then it will move 8” in a random direction.   Znombies are a bit hard to kill since they are already dead.  Bullets and other missile fire only kill Znombies on a roll of a natural “6”.  Artillery and Fire attacks are effective as normal.  Magic is twice as effective as normal (see Spooks).  Znombies are immune to cheese attacks accept they will get stuck as normal.   Znombies can cross bodies of water with no penalty.  They are immune to all morale rolls and any other type of psychology.  

Znombies

Figure	Die for Melee
Znombie	6 sided*

*Znombie mob attack:  for each additional znombie up to 2 attacking a figure, add plus 1 to the znombie melee roll.