Friday, June 19, 2015

(Gnome Wars) The Cult of Urinitas

The Cult of Urinitas  by Gnomish Scholasticus Absurdus Michael Lung

Although the majority of gnomes pay reverence to the Four Immortals of Gnomekind it is well known that the gnomes have many other god, in particular,  gods of nature. One particularly insidious and repugnant cult of worship centers around the God Urinatius…the male gnomish god of peeing. His twin sister is Urina, the female Goddess of Peeing, the Keeper of Secrets and Goddess of Gossip, but that is another story.
The Cult at one of their secret rituals
Urinatius is also the God of the Void. The Void is a dark empty place that serves as a buffer between the material world and other worlds and planes. So Urinatius is also known as the Keeper of the Gates since through the Void he controls the gates to other planes. Strangely enough, the Void seems to fill up with impurities…the tortured souls of the dead. When he opens the gates, those impurities pour forth in a stream, emptying the void, and dumping dead into the material world. Symbolically, when a male gnome pees, he is also performing an act of worship to Urinatius and emptying his own void of impurities just like the god. He is also creating a symbolic golden arch that represents a Void gate. Under certain ritualized circumstance and conditions a follower of Urinatius can actual create a gateway into the Void. The golden arch therefore is one the most recognizable symbols of Urinatius. Usually, it is on a black background which symbolizes the void.
A high priest rallies his faithful towards violence.
Needless to say, all gnomes pee and pee often. So willing or not, they are all followers of Urinatius to some degree!) The normal act of peeing is also know by gnomes as peeweeing …a small or little act of homage to Urinatius. (Hence the word pee wee has come to mean small or tiny.) However, some particularly disgruntled gnomes worship Urinatius more directly. They believe that Urinatius is the key to purifying/voiding the world of its troubles. While these followers are secretive and wear hoods to hid their identity, they have been known to gather in large cult ceremonies. What goes on in those ceremonies is not fully known to this writer, but it is said to include much drinking and revelry. It is said that gnomes that can hold their drink without peeing first, gnomes that pee the furthest, and gnomes that pee the longest distance all are held with great respect and are blessed by the god. However, in particular dark festivals, the cultist perform the hideous Rite of Micturition and will pee directly on to a statue of their god which will surely open the gates to the void. In this case, being fleet of foot is also a blessing.
The followers of Urinatius a known to build statues of their god in secrecy throughout the lands. Often, they are built on some hidden mound or deep within a lost forest where the cultist can gather away from watchful eyes. But occasionally, statues are found in much more public places like town squares. Generally, no one dares to go near the statues at the risk of defiling it no matter how obscene or distasteful the statue is to look at. But there are those less thoughtful and careless (drunken highlanders in particular!) that have tempted the God! Woe be them.
The ultimate goal of the cultist is to find a way to help their god to completely empty the Void of impurities and in doing so cleanse the world of its evils and destroying their enemies by unleashing the walking dead. These cultist bide their time, secretly growing their ranks and building new places of worship waiting until the Void finally fills and is ready to burst.

Urinatius cultist tend to wear black robes with hoods that have a golden yellow arch on the front. They carry golden sickles or scythes as weapons and a symbol of their god. (they are also good to defend oneself from the one of the walking dead “gifts” from their god!) Symbols: Golden arch on a black background. Sometimes a yellow crescent moon. Running water is also a sign of Urinatius beckoning to his followers to pray! Holy Days: On rainy day it is said that Urinatius is peeing is love on the world! So rainy day following a night with a yellow crescent moon is particularly holy

Highlanders pee on Urinitas and must pay the price.

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