Note: This was originally published in April 2012 as a two part post. I've completely revised this, adding a great deal to allow for a future article on the Ameribear Revolution. Yes, my friends, this where I am going to deviate off of prospective Brigade Games/Stout Gnomes gnomish history and allow for the introduction of non-gnome races to appear in the world. There's no reason, outside of the business perspective, to not allow other figures into a game. Since I'm not the business, the Teddy Bear references are house rules and not Gnome Wars canon (although, their cannons are pretty sweet.
The Gnoman Age
The Gnoman Empire greatest frontier was known as the Isle of Albion. Despite dedicating many troops to "civilize" the land, it's numerous fey creatures and barbarian gnomes allowed them to control only half the island at their peak.
The "Peaceful" Age
With the fall of the empire, many within the Legion wandered back to the capital city of Gnome. Some made it, many were killed, others settled within the villages, and others continued to fight as a unit, defending the honor of a non-existent Emporer.
The southern natives, (Albs to the Gnomans) and the northern highlander barbarians retreated back to their villages. The half-breed fey and Leprechauns grew bored without constant battles against the Legions and migrated to Ireland.
Although the Wanderlust did not take hold across gnomekind during this age, it did affect small pockets of gnomes. During middle years of the age, a group of French gnomes known as the Britons crossed the Chanel #5, like all gnomish explorers, they were amazed to discover the land already populated with gnomes! They were a poor, weak folk who use subsistence farming and surface mining to survive. These unwashed were happy to see the Britons and willingly gave them whatever meager hospitality they could offer. Despite a dreary climate and horrible local food, the Britons set up shop, lumbering the primeval forest, and teaching the unwashed underground mining.
Two things surprised the Britons. First, they discovered ruins with the appearance of the Gnoman Empire and a few of their secrets hidden within. Second was the appearance of the Scots.
The Scots poured out of the highlands and tried lay waste to area, as they had done countless times before. The Unwashed fled instantly, but the Britons held their ground, much to the surprise of the highlanders. The Britons adapted their tactics to drive the highlanders back, decimating their ranks with wave after wave of volley fire from their primitive firearms.
As the Britons entered the Scottish highlands, they were met by an odd sight, a number of the Scottish clan leaders accompanying one lone Gnoman Centurion. This Gnoman, Petronius Balboa, was the leader of the Scots and admitted his admiration of the Britons' tactics and a desire for peace. The Briton's leaders desired a continuation of hostilities, but one Briton general, Adrian Hasty, convinced the others that their resources and men were stretched to their limit. The ensuing treaty formed an agreed border between the Scots and a formally recognized Country of Britain. Both sides would build a short wall on this border as a symbolic gesture, naming it Adrian's Rockwall.
With the Scottish threat contained for now, they attempted to expand to the rumored Emerald Island located across Chanel #6. The gnomes they met there called themselves Leprechauns, and were just as vicious and far more magical than the highlanders. The British evacuated quickly (sparking the Return from Wanderlust), but they did make an alliance with the rebel Orangeman on the island. The British fashion sense also left a mark on the Irish, as they would change from wild men to dignified Leprechauns in top hats and coats.
Surrounded by angry Irish, possibly angry Scots, rumors of angry Viking gnomes, and one relatively safe water border with France, the British retracted and focused internally (Back to the Prison phase of wanderlust). They built up their agriculture and industry, and educated the Unwashed Gnomes. From this point forward, they were called the Wash, which in the local dialect turned into Welsh. They were still the lowest caste in the social system, but the British admired their hard work and attention to detail when building contraptions, and most surprisingly, ships.
The Age of Exploration
When the next era of wanderlust occurred, the British rulers looked at other ways to expand their empire. With vast forests and surrounded by the seas, the British focused on shipbuilding. Their bigger faster ships allowed them to dominate the shipping market, opening up cheaper, faster trade with the outlying areas of the Gnomish Homeland. To expand the markets to use their shipping, they sponsored expeditions to the far reaches of the Seven Seas. Explorers, bolstered by a squad of marines, would investigate about 5-10 miles inland to ensure no hostile forces or dangerous geography would affect their choice of a port. Harbor facilities would be constructed, and an open invitation to all nationalities to come and live in the new town under relative freedom.
As the port was established, the explorers would venture out until they found the next suitable harbor candidate. In some cases, such as along the African Coast, the British ports served as trade stations, rest stops for longer voyages, or even drop off points for cargo. Few people ventured into the wilderness. In other instances, such as New Scotland, mass emigration forced the British out of the town's governance, but their shipping interests still dominated the area economically.
The Thirty Beers War and the Spanish Armada
Britain's chief rivals in exploration were the French and Spanish. The French would normally focus on the interior of the new lands and although there were frequent skirmishes, nothing escalated. The Spanish controlled a number of warmer colonies with exotic races and piles of gold. With that gold, they built a mighty armada of ships, which may have been superior to even the British fleet. While the nations of the gnomish mainland got entangled in the Thirty Beers War, the British avoided such shenanigans. When France joined the Anti-Brewers League, their infamous Red Count courted the British throne and convinced them to join the alliance, with only one nefarious mission: Destroy the Spanish Armada.
The British Crown commandeered as many ships from the merchant fleet that were around the home land, refit them for battle with just two or three large cannons, and they sailed with the British Navy to surprise the Armada. The result was a crushing defeat for the Spanish, a loss of support for the Holy Gnoman states, and a power vacuum that even the expanded might of Britain could not fill for themselves.
With the rapid expansion of Empire and the internal desire to withdraw back to their homeland kicking in, the British would sometimes would give governance to the local races, rather than the gnome colonists. It is little written, but some British interests were given to Teddy Bear loyalists, and tax revenues would sail back to Britain. The system worked until a) Teddy Bear and Gnome Pirates discovered the secret treasury on New Providence in the Azores. and b) the Teddy Bears in the colony of New Britain began an insurrection against the Teddy Bear overlords, who were far more draconian than the British ever were. The Picnic for Independence sparked off a series of revolts around the world, not only in the trade colonies, but spreading to Gnome homelands. When the dust settled, the cycle of gnomish civilization has seemed to stop on exploration, and the world has never been the same.
Nomepoleon
When the dark spectre of Nomepoleon I and the French covered the Gnomish homelands, the British... just sat there, with as many guns as they could muster pointed towards the French coastline. Nomepoleon I did not believe in a navy, so most British claims were unaffected by the Total War of the evil French.
The British Era of Commerce
After the first Nomepoleon was brought to justice. British interests in commerce and exploration exploded. Outposts in Africa, South America, and the Pacific were expanded. Relations with Chinese, Japanese, and Indian gnome were establish. It is during this time that both Swiss and British explorers "rediscovered" the Sikh gnomes and brought them back into the fold.
While there has not been a prolonged war between them in over 100 years, the British, Irish, and Highlanders do have the occasional series of skirmishes. None of the nations fully mobilize, but there have been scares.
After the first Nomepoleon was brought to justice, British interests in commerce and exploration exploded. Outposts in Africa, South America, and the Pacific were expanded. Formal relations with Chinese, Japanese, and Indian gnomes were establish. It is during this time that both Swiss and British explorers "rediscovered" the Sikh gnomes and brought them back into the fold.
While there has not been a prolonged war between them in over 100 years, the British, Irish, and Highlanders do have the occasional series of skirmishes. None of the nations fully mobilize, but there have been scares.
In the Modern gnomish age, the British Trade Empire stretches everywhere. Their frigates and steamships are still considered the fastest in the world, although the American and German navies are doing their best to contest that claim. The British fancy themselves the world's maritime police force. All reports of piracy are met head on, with no mercy granted those found guilty.
Recently, the only instance of British involvement on European soil among the nations of the Gnomish Homeland was during the Cry-Me-A River War with Russia.
As the other nations are finally filling in the vast gaps between British ports along the frontier, the British are getting more and more involved in local politics. They have bolstered many of their local marine garrisons with British Highlanders "civilized" mercenary versions of their northern neighbors. Reports of African ports sending out Teddy Bear redcoats to defend the outer claims, or rescue British civilians, have trickled back to the homelands. Finally, a few British claims do have Sikh loyal to the British Coin.
In the Modern gnomish age, the British Trade Empire stretches everywhere. Their frigates and steamships are still considered the fastest in the world, although the American and German navies are doing their best to contest that claim. The British fancy themselves the world's maritime police force. All reports of piracy are met head on, with no mercy granted those found guilty.
Recently, the only instance of British involvement on European soil among the nations of the Gnomish Homeland was during the Cry-Me-A River War with Russia.
As the other nations are finally filling in the vast gaps between British ports along the frontier, the British are getting more and more involved in local politics. They have bolstered many of their local marine garrisons with British Highlanders "civilized" mercenary versions of their northern neighbors. Reports of African ports sending out Teddy Bear redcoats to defend the outer claims, or rescue British civilians, have trickled back to the homelands. Finally, a few British claims do have Sikh loyal to the British Coin.
Government
Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy sans Constitution. Briton nobles and officers demanded to consul the King very early on and a special department in the Hall of Lords was given to them to parlay in, hence parliament. Now a days, parliament conducts the day-to-day governance, while the Crown oversees diplomatic and military functions.
Economy
The world is Britain's economy.
1. Commerce - Britain has influence on every corner of the globe.
2. Shipbuilding - Britain makes the finest ships, either sail or steam.
3. Colonizing - Britain welcomes all nationalities of gnomes to aid them in establishing colonies, so long as they accept British rule.
4. Cheese/Tinkering/Beer/Mining: All the staples of traditional gnomes are still represented, although other nations consider the cheese tasteless, the tinkering full of oversized gears, the beer (ale) too warm, and the mining relegated to the Welsh.
Military
The British Marine is the backbone of the British military, on land and on sea.
British Officer - Well trained, well educated, and in short supply. Many British units rely on naval officers or even the Dog Handler NCOs to lead them.
Dog Handler and Border Terriers: Originally part of the ship's crew to keep vermin and ne'er do wells away, they have been attached to many a Marine detachment going ashore over the years and have become an essentially part of the unit.
Drummer: Drums are standard issues with larger units, although certain detachments are allowed to use fifes, bugles, or even native musical instruments.
Regular Infantry: Your standard infantry, but with the great advantage that their shot does not waver, even in the fiercest of seas.
Marines are quite familiar with ships cannons and mortars from harbor forts, but have not begun using modern machine guns.
British Highlanders: Scotsmen south of the wall and loyal to the Crown may join the military as part of this native guard. Many are given the responsibility of commanding Sikh units. In fact, they're even wimpy Sikhs, as they do check for morale, and with only one leader, could be easily dispatched.
Teddy Bears: This furry race has proven its bravery to the Crown over and over again, but rarely do they receive the recognition they deserve. Some are picked from the local population to guard their villages, others travel the world to ensure that British citizens (re: gnomes) are safe.
The Four Myths in Britain
Marines defending the Legation, and an unknown silver woman.
Throughout the millenia that gnomes have existed, they cycle through three phases of civilization. First, a large group of gnomes get struck with wanderlust and begin exploring the world. Second, the gnomes experience a retraction, many of those explorers either set down roots, or they go back to their home villages. Finally, the Gnomish Wizards begin a societal crackdown, barring gnomish movement and breaking off communication with the new settlements, until the distant lands were forgotten and the wanderlust started up again.
The Gnoman Age
The Gnoman Empire greatest frontier was known as the Isle of Albion. Despite dedicating many troops to "civilize" the land, it's numerous fey creatures and barbarian gnomes allowed them to control only half the island at their peak.
The "Peaceful" Age
With the fall of the empire, many within the Legion wandered back to the capital city of Gnome. Some made it, many were killed, others settled within the villages, and others continued to fight as a unit, defending the honor of a non-existent Emporer.
The southern natives, (Albs to the Gnomans) and the northern highlander barbarians retreated back to their villages. The half-breed fey and Leprechauns grew bored without constant battles against the Legions and migrated to Ireland.
Although the Wanderlust did not take hold across gnomekind during this age, it did affect small pockets of gnomes. During middle years of the age, a group of French gnomes known as the Britons crossed the Chanel #5, like all gnomish explorers, they were amazed to discover the land already populated with gnomes! They were a poor, weak folk who use subsistence farming and surface mining to survive. These unwashed were happy to see the Britons and willingly gave them whatever meager hospitality they could offer. Despite a dreary climate and horrible local food, the Britons set up shop, lumbering the primeval forest, and teaching the unwashed underground mining.
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| A historical group recreating the fabled landing of the Britons |
The Scots poured out of the highlands and tried lay waste to area, as they had done countless times before. The Unwashed fled instantly, but the Britons held their ground, much to the surprise of the highlanders. The Britons adapted their tactics to drive the highlanders back, decimating their ranks with wave after wave of volley fire from their primitive firearms.
As the Britons entered the Scottish highlands, they were met by an odd sight, a number of the Scottish clan leaders accompanying one lone Gnoman Centurion. This Gnoman, Petronius Balboa, was the leader of the Scots and admitted his admiration of the Britons' tactics and a desire for peace. The Briton's leaders desired a continuation of hostilities, but one Briton general, Adrian Hasty, convinced the others that their resources and men were stretched to their limit. The ensuing treaty formed an agreed border between the Scots and a formally recognized Country of Britain. Both sides would build a short wall on this border as a symbolic gesture, naming it Adrian's Rockwall.
With the Scottish threat contained for now, they attempted to expand to the rumored Emerald Island located across Chanel #6. The gnomes they met there called themselves Leprechauns, and were just as vicious and far more magical than the highlanders. The British evacuated quickly (sparking the Return from Wanderlust), but they did make an alliance with the rebel Orangeman on the island. The British fashion sense also left a mark on the Irish, as they would change from wild men to dignified Leprechauns in top hats and coats.
Surrounded by angry Irish, possibly angry Scots, rumors of angry Viking gnomes, and one relatively safe water border with France, the British retracted and focused internally (Back to the Prison phase of wanderlust). They built up their agriculture and industry, and educated the Unwashed Gnomes. From this point forward, they were called the Wash, which in the local dialect turned into Welsh. They were still the lowest caste in the social system, but the British admired their hard work and attention to detail when building contraptions, and most surprisingly, ships.
The Age of Exploration
When the next era of wanderlust occurred, the British rulers looked at other ways to expand their empire. With vast forests and surrounded by the seas, the British focused on shipbuilding. Their bigger faster ships allowed them to dominate the shipping market, opening up cheaper, faster trade with the outlying areas of the Gnomish Homeland. To expand the markets to use their shipping, they sponsored expeditions to the far reaches of the Seven Seas. Explorers, bolstered by a squad of marines, would investigate about 5-10 miles inland to ensure no hostile forces or dangerous geography would affect their choice of a port. Harbor facilities would be constructed, and an open invitation to all nationalities to come and live in the new town under relative freedom.
As the port was established, the explorers would venture out until they found the next suitable harbor candidate. In some cases, such as along the African Coast, the British ports served as trade stations, rest stops for longer voyages, or even drop off points for cargo. Few people ventured into the wilderness. In other instances, such as New Scotland, mass emigration forced the British out of the town's governance, but their shipping interests still dominated the area economically.
The Thirty Beers War and the Spanish Armada
Britain's chief rivals in exploration were the French and Spanish. The French would normally focus on the interior of the new lands and although there were frequent skirmishes, nothing escalated. The Spanish controlled a number of warmer colonies with exotic races and piles of gold. With that gold, they built a mighty armada of ships, which may have been superior to even the British fleet. While the nations of the gnomish mainland got entangled in the Thirty Beers War, the British avoided such shenanigans. When France joined the Anti-Brewers League, their infamous Red Count courted the British throne and convinced them to join the alliance, with only one nefarious mission: Destroy the Spanish Armada.
The British Crown commandeered as many ships from the merchant fleet that were around the home land, refit them for battle with just two or three large cannons, and they sailed with the British Navy to surprise the Armada. The result was a crushing defeat for the Spanish, a loss of support for the Holy Gnoman states, and a power vacuum that even the expanded might of Britain could not fill for themselves.
 |
| British Marines seizing a pirate vessel |
Nomepoleon
When the dark spectre of Nomepoleon I and the French covered the Gnomish homelands, the British... just sat there, with as many guns as they could muster pointed towards the French coastline. Nomepoleon I did not believe in a navy, so most British claims were unaffected by the Total War of the evil French.
The British Era of Commerce
After the first Nomepoleon was brought to justice. British interests in commerce and exploration exploded. Outposts in Africa, South America, and the Pacific were expanded. Relations with Chinese, Japanese, and Indian gnome were establish. It is during this time that both Swiss and British explorers "rediscovered" the Sikh gnomes and brought them back into the fold.
While there has not been a prolonged war between them in over 100 years, the British, Irish, and Highlanders do have the occasional series of skirmishes. None of the nations fully mobilize, but there have been scares.
After the first Nomepoleon was brought to justice, British interests in commerce and exploration exploded. Outposts in Africa, South America, and the Pacific were expanded. Formal relations with Chinese, Japanese, and Indian gnomes were establish. It is during this time that both Swiss and British explorers "rediscovered" the Sikh gnomes and brought them back into the fold.
While there has not been a prolonged war between them in over 100 years, the British, Irish, and Highlanders do have the occasional series of skirmishes. None of the nations fully mobilize, but there have been scares.
In the Modern gnomish age, the British Trade Empire stretches everywhere. Their frigates and steamships are still considered the fastest in the world, although the American and German navies are doing their best to contest that claim. The British fancy themselves the world's maritime police force. All reports of piracy are met head on, with no mercy granted those found guilty.
Recently, the only instance of British involvement on European soil among the nations of the Gnomish Homeland was during the Cry-Me-A River War with Russia.
As the other nations are finally filling in the vast gaps between British ports along the frontier, the British are getting more and more involved in local politics. They have bolstered many of their local marine garrisons with British Highlanders "civilized" mercenary versions of their northern neighbors. Reports of African ports sending out Teddy Bear redcoats to defend the outer claims, or rescue British civilians, have trickled back to the homelands. Finally, a few British claims do have Sikh loyal to the British Coin.
In the Modern gnomish age, the British Trade Empire stretches everywhere. Their frigates and steamships are still considered the fastest in the world, although the American and German navies are doing their best to contest that claim. The British fancy themselves the world's maritime police force. All reports of piracy are met head on, with no mercy granted those found guilty.
Recently, the only instance of British involvement on European soil among the nations of the Gnomish Homeland was during the Cry-Me-A River War with Russia.
As the other nations are finally filling in the vast gaps between British ports along the frontier, the British are getting more and more involved in local politics. They have bolstered many of their local marine garrisons with British Highlanders "civilized" mercenary versions of their northern neighbors. Reports of African ports sending out Teddy Bear redcoats to defend the outer claims, or rescue British civilians, have trickled back to the homelands. Finally, a few British claims do have Sikh loyal to the British Coin.
Government
Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy sans Constitution. Briton nobles and officers demanded to consul the King very early on and a special department in the Hall of Lords was given to them to parlay in, hence parliament. Now a days, parliament conducts the day-to-day governance, while the Crown oversees diplomatic and military functions.
Economy
The world is Britain's economy.
1. Commerce - Britain has influence on every corner of the globe.
2. Shipbuilding - Britain makes the finest ships, either sail or steam.
3. Colonizing - Britain welcomes all nationalities of gnomes to aid them in establishing colonies, so long as they accept British rule.
4. Cheese/Tinkering/Beer/Mining: All the staples of traditional gnomes are still represented, although other nations consider the cheese tasteless, the tinkering full of oversized gears, the beer (ale) too warm, and the mining relegated to the Welsh.
Military
The British Marine is the backbone of the British military, on land and on sea.
British Officer - Well trained, well educated, and in short supply. Many British units rely on naval officers or even the Dog Handler NCOs to lead them.
Drummer: Drums are standard issues with larger units, although certain detachments are allowed to use fifes, bugles, or even native musical instruments.
Doctors/Nurses: Part of the international allure of the British Marine for years was steadfast refusal to surrender, and their utter lack of any battlefield medical treatment. As causalities are mounting from various colonial affairs, the Crown has designated Field Doctors and Nurses to some units, although this is still a rare occurrence in only the most dire of circumstances.
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| Field Doctor |
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| Field Nurse |
British Marine
Cavalry and Artillery: Britain has relied on naval and basic infantry to win their battles and conquer the world for hundreds of years. British on horseback has largely been the avenue for the ceremonial Royal Horseguard and gentlemen on fox hunts. As British colonies move inland, the Crown has quickly developed a cavalry program for officers, and are finding the finest riders within the enlisted ranks to fill the units. |
| Mock-up for the first cavalry officer to deserve one... eventually |
British Highlanders: Scotsmen south of the wall and loyal to the Crown may join the military as part of this native guard. Many are given the responsibility of commanding Sikh units. In fact, they're even wimpy Sikhs, as they do check for morale, and with only one leader, could be easily dispatched.
We're Sikhs with Common Sense!
Sikhs: Their numbers are vital part of the success of the British worldwide. Their vast experience in land fighting, access to steam tanks, and superior experience with rockets and older gatling guns makes them indispensible when available.
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| Sikh Loyalists with a British Highlander Officer |
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| from boromirandkermit.wordpress.com |
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| Teddy Bear Redcoats in a strange land. |
Santa is the dominant influence. He greatly enjoys the military escalation and the recent Victorian industrialization.
The Witch holds sway over certain Albion Druids, but few others.
The Wizard is respected and admired, but few look to him unless it for the glory of the empire.
The Vampire is a growing influence in the dark alleys of London Some say he sank his teeth into Britain long ago and is biding his time to seize power.
Britain's relations with the world
Swiss: Steady allies, if their interests intersect, but do not interfere with one another.
Germans: Germans have industrialized their homeland impressively, but have scrambled to stake their claim in colonizing, threatening the status quo.
French: Very snooty, and constantly whining for help, although we often help them anyway.
Irish: The Leprechauns are to be feared. They are not gnome-kind.
The Orangemen: They are not gnome-kind, but they too fear the full force of the Leprechauns. The enemy of our enemy is our distrustful ally.
Highlanders: Neutral/Hostile. They would be a great addition to the empire if they just accepted some education, started to wear pants, and stopped talking about "Freeeeedooooomm!" so much.
Russians: Not to be trusted, but our paths rarely cross.
Sikhs: More than just a "loyal brown brother," the Sikhs are the backbone of our fight against the darkness.
Japanese: A lesser race of gnome that would do well to learn from the Sikhs.
Americans: Money-grubbing imperialists (and that's saying a LOT!) The Confederate's economy and navy are shared interests, particularly in the Caribbean.
Gnomans: True Gnomans (not the fake ones from the Thirty Beers War, are to be honored and obeyed. Their empire was the template that we have followed. They are the true masters of the world, even to this day.
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