Showing posts with label Gnome Profile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gnome Profile. Show all posts

Friday, June 26, 2026

(Painting) Gnoman Centurion Ronaldus Iavorski #InternationalGnomeWeek

It can't be #InternationalGnomeWeek, if I can't post at least one new gnome painted up!

The problem is, I've done a good job keeping the Gnome pile low, so I experimented with some different colors for this Holy Gnoman Empire Centurion

One of the famed heroes of the Gnoman was Ronadulus Iavorski, the "Vandal Vision" himself.   First gaining recognition for his accuracy in the bow and sling, Iavorski was bribed to join the Legion, and worked his way up to be the Centurion of one of the foulest Legions of all: the Aquilae Amoris Fraterni.  One of the rowdiest units in all of gnome kind, they jeered when they needed to show respect,  punch horses of their enemies, mid-charge, beat-up natives for fun, terrorize herders and rustlers, even turning their trebuchets onto Santa! 

.... and to be honest, I'm a Giants fan.  Painting up a figure Kelly Green just ain't right...

Next:  Shanties and gnomes, maybe the never-ending supply of Star Wars figs.

Project 350:  It's been a month since I tracked the drafts and scheduled posts hiding behind the scenes at the blog.  I'm actually pretty satisfied that I'm at 456 (292 drafts/164 scheduled) up from 452 (289/163) a few weeks ago.  Looking back at last year, we were a little higher, but managed to finish July strong before #RPGaDay always skews the numbers.  

Thursday, January 22, 2026

(Shadowrun) Embercap - Molotov Gnome - #CharacterCreationChallenge

For Day 22 of the #CharacterCreationChallenge I fully admit going down the digital rabbit hole with this one.  

I'm not afraid to use AI in my games. I have a full ChatGPT conversation going during my online  Gamma World game, plugging in plot and data, and generating potential shops, NPCs, and wasteland encounters.  Beside betting odds and parlays for a post-apocalyptic jousts and a random Charcuterie Item Generation Table for our Illuminati University multiverse game, and I've gotten the most joy from a Random Grenade Generation Table with everything everything from frag grenades to the "Boomfruit Bomb" that the character ultimately rolled (and detonated).  

But this guy made me go further.... 

I'm a blog that has a particular focus on gnomes, so this picture is perfect.  I originally used it for my burn-the-world post at the beginning of the year, when everything in the world, plus my personal and family life felt desolate.  

Since then I really wanted this Anarchist Gnome to be a character.  So I plugged in the simple question. 

"What TTRPG system would best be used for a Molotov throwing Garden Gnome?"

ChatGPT gave me SEVEN options:
  1. Savage Worlds (for Cinematic Action)
  2. Fate (Narrative Mayhem)
  3. Dungeon Crawl Classics (Old-School Chaos Dungeon Crawl)
  4. MÖRK BORG (Grim & Stylish) 
  5. Troika! (Surreal Absurdity)
  6. Goblin Quest (Lighthearted Anarchy)
  7. Shadowrun (Cyberpunk Ridiculousness) 
MÖRK BORG and Shadowrun both intrigued me, but I hadn't ventured too far into either system.    MÖRK BORG  is waaaaay to grim for me.  Shadowrun was a bit too gritty, but learning that gnomes are essentially Turkish Dwarves, and I could have them dress up in cyberpunk Garden Gnome cosplay made me go download as much free stuff as possible, and perhaps visit a few questionable avenues for further reference materials.  

I plugged in what I had, I further refined the results, and even had some of my friends who are fanatical Shadowrun players since 1st Edition to review and critique.  

It's obviously not completely "accurate," but I had a special microchipped part of my heart when AI feigns enthusiasm, so I let it ride with this one...

Zinthel Norkles  "Embercap"  - Gnome Anarchist.
  • Alias: Embercap

  • Real Name: Zinthel "Zin" Norkles

  • Metatype: Gnome (Variant Dwarf)

  • Role: Anarchist Demolitions Expert

  • Archetype: Street Scum / Saboteur


Appearance & Vibe

Embercap leans hard into his "garden gnome" aesthetic—bright red conical hat, shaggy fake beard (over his actual beard), patched overalls, and a battered trowel strapped to his belt like a sidearm. His backpack is stuffed with homemade incendiaries, wire cutters, and spray paint. He smells faintly of kerosene and revolution.

He speaks with a theatrical tone, almost like a cartoon character, but his eyes gleam with calculated rage. He’s both a joke and a threat, and he likes it that way.


Attributes

  • Body: 4  Agility: 6  Reaction: 5  Strength: 3

  • Willpower: 5  Logic: 4  Intuition: 5  Charisma: 3

  • Edge: 3  Essence: 6

Condition Monitors:

  • Physical: 10  Stun: 11


Skills

  • Athletics (Throwing Weapons): 5 (7)

  • Demolitions: 6

  • Engineering: 4

  • Stealth: 5

  • Con: 3

  • Chemistry: 4

  • Survival: 3

  • Firearms (Pistols): 2 (3)

  • Close Combat (Improvised Weapons): 3 (5)


Qualities

  • Toughness

  • Instigator

  • Mad Bomber: Gains Edge when using improvised explosives or fire-based attacks in dramatic situations.


Weapons & Gear

  • Molotov Cocktails (Rating 4 Improvised Incendiary Grenades)

  • Spray paint (used for tagging)

  • Armored Overalls (Armor Rating 5, disguised as gnome clothing)

  • Concealed Hold-out Pistol

  • Remote-detonated Petrol Bombs

  • Trowel-shaped Shiv

  • AR Goggles with Demolitions Overlay

  • Urban Explorer Commlink (Rating 4)

  • Burner Commlink with encrypted data and anarchist zines


Tactics & Behavior

  • Prefers chaos and disruption over lethal violence

  • Ambush specialist in narrow alleys and urban ruins

  • Fights to confuse, not kill; escapes in fire and smoke

  • Leaves slogans like:

    • “PROPERTY IS THEFT”

    • “GARDEN GNOMES UNITE”

    • “I'M SMALL BUT THE SYSTEM'S FALLING”


Quote

“The system’s a weed, chummer. And I’m the fire. Tee-hee!”


Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Some Notes on Gnomish Day to Day Living

One of the underlying themes of Gnome Wars is the rather sudden industrialization of the German gnomes.  In a basic outline of my history of the German gnomes, industrialized tinkering emerged from the ashes of the Nomepoleonic Wars, which has forced all the nations of the world to reconsider their cottage industry  and craftsman-dominated commerce. 

While the gnome leaders and scholars are trying new things to mount a cannon or machine gun, the average gnome peasant in rural and small village communities are still rather conservative and basic in their lives.    

Homes and Construction

It's not uncommon to find poorer gnome/gnomes on the frontier still living in underground dwellings, hand dug, and expanded over the years.  They are usually climate controlled, although clay and moss-insulated walls do not prevent moisture in certain regions.  

The construction of traditional gnome mushroom homes, and similar building materials, is usually the the sign a gnome or community has risen above abject subsistence poverty.  Mushroom houses are a result of noted Mycologist scholars, in direct competition with certain schools of surviving magic (the myconomancers), providing safe, sustainable, and sturdy construction materials.  

In regards to all gnome homes, even as gnomes construct larger buildings out of wood and stone, the furniture remains predominantly handmade from local wood.  Many pieces featuring intricate carvings and a high level of craftsmanship, although even the fanciest of the German oligarchs homes feature some primitive pieces.  Tables, chairs, and beds are sturdy and built to last for generations.

Agriculture and Gardening

While gnome tinkerers are making advance in war technology, gnome races still practice small-scale, sustainable agriculture. They use hand tools like hoes, spades, and sickles made of wood and metal. Crop rotation and natural fertilizers (compost and manure) are essential to maintaining soil fertility.

From the poorest dirt farmers, or peasants living on a well-run estate of a gnome lord, communal farming is an accepted (and necessary practice).  Farmers work on each others lands, sharing time, equipment, and many times, splitting profits to ensure the base of a successful harvest the following season. 

Almost every gnome household, even most in towns and cities, maintains an herb garden, growing medicinal and culinary herbs such as thyme, sage, and chamomile. These gardens are meticulously tended, often featuring stone pathways and decorative elements.  

Clothing 

Most gnome clothing is still made from natural/local fibers, such as wool and flax.  In most smaller communities, some peasants have enough equipment to spin and weave their fabrics by hand.   While technology has improved in cities and for the war effort, it is still only providing increased production in basic output.  Dying the fabric and all the intricate craftsmanship are still the purview of skilled individuals producing small batches.  Gnomes are skilled weavers and knitters (the French do crochet), creating practical yet beautifully patterned garments that provide warmth and durability.

A note on traditional dress:  While German peasantry is known from their alpine hats and lederhosen, and leprechauns for their full coats and derbies. the traditional frock coat and conical hats are still culturally appropriate dress, although, as gnomes move up the economic ladder, this garb is pushed further and further back in their closets and armoires. (Yes, the Japanese kasa are simply traditional gnome conical hats that have simply evolved to be shorter with wider brims.)

Crafts and Tools

Blacksmithing and woodworking:  Local blacksmiths and woodworkers craft essential tools, from farming implements to kitchen utensils. Blacksmiths forge nails, horseshoes, and tools, while woodworkers carve everything from spoons to intricate window shutters.  While not tinkers by trade and training, they are known to show off tremendous ingenuity to make items customized to the gnome's/community's needs.

Even with the war effort, the modern assembly line still eludes most gnome production.  When thinking of mass production, refer to Eli Whitney more than Henry Ford.  

Transportation

The casual observers sees the steamshps, steam tanks, and trains, and forgets that most gnomes, transportation means using  small, animal-pulled carts. These are often drawn by rabbits, foxes, and smaller domesticated animals, and are used to transport goods to and from the market or fields.

As travel is largely by foot or by cart, most gnome communities maintain a network of extremely narrow footpaths through the forests and fields.  Stone or wooden bridges span creeks and rivers, often featuring carvings and gnome motifs.  No not be surprised by waist high stone walls lining the paths, providing trouble for two carts coming at opposite directions, much less modern troops movements.



Sunday, July 2, 2023

The Gorgeous Ladies of GnomeKind

Currently no existing female gnome in Gnome Wars is wearing any sort of a true gnome hat, but that doesn't stop some paint schemes for the Bier Nurse, and in turn, some variety for the Swiss and German "militia-grade" troops.  



Sunday, June 13, 2021

(Gnome Wars) Gnomincus

Gnomincus

Pax Gnomana  Gnomish Peace – a period of time when peace extended throughout the Gnomian empire.

Gaius Julius Gnomanius -  Most famous Gnomian general and later, after an extended civil war, was appointed dictator for life.  Ended the Gnomian Republic, and his successors were known as emperors.
Gnomanius’s Commentaries also known as The Anuran Wars.  Famous account of Gnomanius’s campaigns against the Anuran (Frog) tribes. 

Leptodactylidii, Hylidii, Ranidai, and Kermitii  Some of the major Anuran tribes that opposed Gnomanius and the Gnomian Empire.

Heritagii   Anuran tribe that allied itself early one to the Gnomians.  It provided a large contingent of Gnomian trained auxiliaries to the Gnomian army.  Many of these auxiliaries units later switched sides to fight against their Gnomian employers during the Great Anuran Rebellion led by Queen Bulfrogdicca.  Heritagii units were used in great numbers by both sides during the Civil War.

Ichthii  Aquatic (fish) tribes often allied to the Anura to form the Amphibian Confederation.

Saurii  Highly aggressive tribes of lizardmen who were generally hostile towards the Gnomian Empire and Amphibian Confederation.  However, some tribes for brief periods served as allies for both nations.  Saurian tribes banded together to form the Saurian Empire.  It was a true empire in name only.  It really was a collection of united Saurian tribes instead of one united empire under a single leader. Some of the most powerful Saurian tribes included the Chamaeleonidii, Crotaphytidii, Iguanidii, and Polychrotidii.  Although technically part of the Saurii, the group of tribes known as the Alethinophidii (Snakemen) were not part of the Saurian Empire and were generally feared and distrusted by all.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

(Gnome Wars) Los Cuatro Gnomos Solitarios

When Brigade Games released the American Gnomes for Gnome Wars, they included a few special characters, including figures for "Iron Brigade"

Between random figures purchases and some paint-and-takes, I've picked up some of the Iron Brigade.  Certainly not enough for a unit, but enough to make special characters for my version of Gnome America.  

I present, the Four Lone Rangers:

Captain Jack Dinero - Legends somehow place Captain Jack Dinero in the Union Army during the Gnomish Uncivil War.  Others place him as a highwayman, waylaying the settlers traveling the wilderness. Even other tales claim he was such a proficient warrior as a boy, he earned a Sioux name.    When he's not helping those he deems worthy, he finds space in a local prison for shelter.  Everywhere you travel on either side of the Mississipp, those residents claim he's been there. He once shot a man in Deseret, just to watch him die.

Weapons: Sword and Short-gun (treat as blunderbluss with three double-shots before three-round reload). 
 
Special:
Presence:  If working with a unit, Captain Jack can act as an officer for morale purposes for up to two units within 24" from him. 

The Ring of Fire:  If entering melee against more than one figure, Captain Jack will fire hits short-gun, hitting on a 2+.   Short-gun is immune to it's ammo rules while Ring of Fire takes effect.  In one-on-one melee, he simply rolls a d10 for his sword, no gun fire.
This figure is not listed on the Brigade Games online store

Blain Landham;  This ex-Imperial Guardsman from California is known for his keen shot.

Weapon: Long Rifle

Specials: 
Clear Shot, Long Shot: If Blain did not move this turn, and his target is not in cover, Rifles ranges are extended 6" (example: a 3+ shot would be a range of 1"-18").  This ability does not combine with Sniper.

Sniper:  If Blain is under heavy cover and has line-of-sight for the target, he ignores any cover modifers.  This ability does not combine with Clear Shot, Long Shot.

Ain't Got Time to Bleed:  If Blain is shot, and not other allied figure is 6" or less near him, he may attempt to self heal, like a medic (4+ on d8 to pop back up and continue fighting).  He may do this every round.  The figure is removed from the game is the roll is failed.
BG-GAWAN34 Gnome Wars Northern Americans (Union) Iron Brigade Riflemen Advancing

Colt Lee Winchester:  This C.S.S. deserter wanders the West. Unlike the others, Colt is simply motivated by money.  Lucky for the people who hire him to help, he's been known to accept a Canadian Bermuda Ha'penny from a child who needed his assistance. 

Weapon:  Musket, as per Southern Gnome Stats.

Specials:
Presence, Y'all:  If working with a unit, Colt can act as an officer for morale purposes for one unit within 12" from him.  This unit must be C.S.S./Southern for the first three rounds of the game, and any nationality thereafter.

At Home in the Country: Colt ignores movement penalties in wooded areas.  Wooded areas are  treated as heavy cover.

BG-GAWAN35 Gnome Wars Northern Americans (Union) Iron Brigade Riflemen Firing

Crockett Ray Tubbs:  Not a Texas Ranger, as the legends state, merely a retired Texican Infantryman, righting wrongs 

Weapon:  Musket, as per Southern Gnome Stats.

Specials:
This Ain't My First Rodeo;  If Crockett defeats any cavalry in hand to hand, he may decided to mount the animal and ride as normal.  

Back-Stabbers at the Alamo: If Crockett engages in melee from the rear of a figure, he rolls d8+1 for the attack and "Sucked In" rules do not apply
BG-GAWAN35 Gnome Wars Northern Americans (Union) Iron Brigade Riflemen Firing

Suggestions/Revisions for these guys would be greatly appreciated.


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

(Gnome Profile) King Gnomefrey

The great thing about Gnome Wars is the vast supply of statues available to acclaimed gnomes of the smallest and largest of statues.

Per the History of the Gnome World, Part One, the time between the fall of the Gnoman Empire and the Age of Exploration was know as the "Peaceful Age."   This title is a bit of a "mis-gnomer" as there were still plenty of localized skirmishes and small consolidations of power.  One of the largest acts of military might and political maneuvering was the gnome they called King Gnomefrey.

Winter is coming...  Plant Onions
Every gnome race claims King Gnomefrey as their own, but there are a few similarities between the legends.   King Gnomefrey was a humble sheriff/magistrate/constable in his home village after the fall of the Gnoman Empire.  To better protect his village, he defied gnomish body chemistry and sought out his neighboring village to form a defensive alliance against the denizens of the woods.  When, to his surprise, he discovered that the leaders of the village were actually plotting to attack Gnomefrey's village to appease some of the barbaric warlords, Gnomefrey took things into his own hands, recruited a small group of loyal gnomes, and assassinated the other village's leadership.   

He let the barbarians attack the rival village (goblins, trolls, feral gnomes, again, the legend varies) and he waded into pillaging  with his village's militia, and not only killed every creature, but claimed the village as their own.    While different approaches were made towards some of the other villages, he  ultimately gained control over seven neighboring communities, his "vegetable patches" which would send excess crops and crafts in return for protection by Gnomefrey's "Forest Patrol." 

Alas, the fate of poor Gnomefrey is the same across all cultures as well.   When he finally decided to take a wife, a jealous rival suitor of his wife poisoned him during the wedding reception.  No gnome could combine the same military might, political swagger, and command over the Forest Patrol to keep the peace between the the eight villages, so, in the natural act of gnomekind, "The Prison" took over their lives and the communities went back to their isolationist ways.

King Gnomefrey:  Any European-style gnome race and the Japanese can use the good King Gnomefrey,  Avoid using him with all-Sikh, Gnoman, or Americans.

Move: 12"
Weapons:  King Gnomefrey walks into combat with a giant hatchet (gnomish battle axe) and a shovel.
Ranged attack:  If King Gnomefrey is not locked in combat, or about to be drawn into combat, he may throw his battle axe, once per turn, at a figure within 6".  He hits on  3+,  if he succeeds, he may immediately move to the spot of the fallen figure to retrieve it, at no cost.  If he fails, his next immediate action must be  to retrieve his axe. 

Melee:  King Gnomefrey may make two attacks per turn (one axe d12, one shovel d8).  If attacking one figure, the shovel will always go last.  If attacking two people, the same rules apply for the first target.  However, if he may only use his shovel against the second target. 

Special Melee:  King Gnomefrey make take on up to four opponents at one time of his choice based on the standard rules for melee.  Defending units may attempt to flee, but doing so will require a morale check on that unit/army  for each figure fleeing before combat. 

Gnomefrey's  attack is as follows:


                 2nd Gnome A              1st Gnome  A                            1st Gnome B    2nd Gnome B

                       Shovel            -        BattleAxe          Gnomefrey       BattleAxe     -    Shovel

Combat with the 1st gnomes is simultaneous.  Depending on initiative, both 1st gnome attack, then Gnomefrey attacks both 1st gnomes.  Same actions apply towards 2nd Gnomes.  2nd Gnomes will receive the +1 bonus to overwhelm, only if his 1st gnome survives melee. 

Allied Gnomes within 12" will not rout due to failed morale checks, rolls are still required. 

Treat Gnomefrey as a 100 point character. 

The Forest Patrol:   Treat as Gnoman Archers.  May deploy hidden 6" from the deployment zone.  The Forest Patrol is revealed if they fire at enemy forces, or they are within 24" of  an enemy units and are in their front arc of fire (Enemy must be looking straight at them, not behind or to the flanks.)

Add five points to the Gnoman Archers.  Maximum of 10 on the battlefield.
 

Sunday, October 11, 2015

(Gnome Profile) The Red Count

After days upon nights upon days of barely getting down the painting bench (or getting distracted by binge watching Flash, damn that's good), the first figure for my 2016 painting season is done.  

I present the most terrifying gnome of the Thirty Beers Wars, Richard "Richie" Louis, The Red Count

His only weaknesses are wooden stakes to the heart and my line work.
Vampire legends are part of every gnome village, and probably have been since before recorded history.  

Despite a strong French king, a consortium of nobles had final say on most French policies.  The Red Count, known for his Cardinal-red capes, affinity for long afternoon naps, and unusually long life span, ruled them with an iron fist.  A shrewd diplomat and businessman, he wisely switched sides in the midst of the Thirty Beers War when he saw the strength of the other old powers wane.  

Despite him relinquishing his title to his illegitimate, idiot son and disappearing entirely from French court, rumors of his appearance surface every year during All Hallow's Eve, and at times when the French nation needs the leadership of someone who's out for blood.

What does he want with Zeke the Mouse, Maja Millie, and Rosalie of the Rosary...

Or is Rosalie a double agent?
To recreate the Red Count, Use the regular Vampire sheet, with these changes:

  • If the Red Count attempts to feed, he succeeds on a 1-4 on d6.
  • No wolves/wolf form, however he will field two additional mummies.
  • If all officers and NCOs are removed from a unit, they do not rout if the Red Count is within TWO feet of the unit and is in gnome form.  He "counts" as a leader and provides a +2 bonuses to morale checks for other units with leaders.   He can inspire most men, but death is a far more pleasant alternative than failing the Red Count.

Friday, June 19, 2015

(Gnome Wars) The Cult of Urinitas

The Cult of Urinitas  by Gnomish Scholasticus Absurdus Michael Lung

Although the majority of gnomes pay reverence to the Four Immortals of Gnomekind it is well known that the gnomes have many other god, in particular,  gods of nature. One particularly insidious and repugnant cult of worship centers around the God Urinatius…the male gnomish god of peeing. His twin sister is Urina, the female Goddess of Peeing, the Keeper of Secrets and Goddess of Gossip, but that is another story.
The Cult at one of their secret rituals
Urinatius is also the God of the Void. The Void is a dark empty place that serves as a buffer between the material world and other worlds and planes. So Urinatius is also known as the Keeper of the Gates since through the Void he controls the gates to other planes. Strangely enough, the Void seems to fill up with impurities…the tortured souls of the dead. When he opens the gates, those impurities pour forth in a stream, emptying the void, and dumping dead into the material world. Symbolically, when a male gnome pees, he is also performing an act of worship to Urinatius and emptying his own void of impurities just like the god. He is also creating a symbolic golden arch that represents a Void gate. Under certain ritualized circumstance and conditions a follower of Urinatius can actual create a gateway into the Void. The golden arch therefore is one the most recognizable symbols of Urinatius. Usually, it is on a black background which symbolizes the void.
A high priest rallies his faithful towards violence.
Needless to say, all gnomes pee and pee often. So willing or not, they are all followers of Urinatius to some degree!) The normal act of peeing is also know by gnomes as peeweeing …a small or little act of homage to Urinatius. (Hence the word pee wee has come to mean small or tiny.) However, some particularly disgruntled gnomes worship Urinatius more directly. They believe that Urinatius is the key to purifying/voiding the world of its troubles. While these followers are secretive and wear hoods to hid their identity, they have been known to gather in large cult ceremonies. What goes on in those ceremonies is not fully known to this writer, but it is said to include much drinking and revelry. It is said that gnomes that can hold their drink without peeing first, gnomes that pee the furthest, and gnomes that pee the longest distance all are held with great respect and are blessed by the god. However, in particular dark festivals, the cultist perform the hideous Rite of Micturition and will pee directly on to a statue of their god which will surely open the gates to the void. In this case, being fleet of foot is also a blessing.
 
 
The followers of Urinatius a known to build statues of their god in secrecy throughout the lands. Often, they are built on some hidden mound or deep within a lost forest where the cultist can gather away from watchful eyes. But occasionally, statues are found in much more public places like town squares. Generally, no one dares to go near the statues at the risk of defiling it no matter how obscene or distasteful the statue is to look at. But there are those less thoughtful and careless (drunken highlanders in particular!) that have tempted the God! Woe be them.
 
The ultimate goal of the cultist is to find a way to help their god to completely empty the Void of impurities and in doing so cleanse the world of its evils and destroying their enemies by unleashing the walking dead. These cultist bide their time, secretly growing their ranks and building new places of worship waiting until the Void finally fills and is ready to burst.

Urinatius cultist tend to wear black robes with hoods that have a golden yellow arch on the front. They carry golden sickles or scythes as weapons and a symbol of their god. (they are also good to defend oneself from the one of the walking dead “gifts” from their god!) Symbols: Golden arch on a black background. Sometimes a yellow crescent moon. Running water is also a sign of Urinatius beckoning to his followers to pray! Holy Days: On rainy day it is said that Urinatius is peeing is love on the world! So rainy day following a night with a yellow crescent moon is particularly holy
 

Highlanders pee on Urinitas and must pay the price.
 

Monday, September 8, 2014

Gnome Profile: Robert McHope, Infamous Golfer

From an early age, Robert McHope loved what all boys in Scotland love, sassy lasses, well-aged scotch, and golf.  Unfortunately, like most young lads, the scotch made him an intolerable boor with the ladies, and sliced his hooks and hooked his slices.    That last portion made him an excellent golfer!

He hit the local golf circuit and became a instant sensation.  While he rarely won, his booming tee shots had the ability to stand against the mightiest of gales blowing off the ocean.  His tendency to introduce his fellow golfers to some concept known as an "afterparty" were whispered in hushed, but ultimately, legendary tones.

McHope, back in his glory days....
Soon the desire for scotch overcame his talent, and his booming shots would veer into the crowd, careening off a dozen spectators before finally coming to a rest.   After a morning on the front nine killed five, wounded ten, and seriously mauled the visiting the British Duke of Chestercheltinghamfordshire, the King of Scotland levied the harshest punishment:  a lifetime ban from all golf courses in Scotland.

After his ban, Robert disappeared off the map.   As wandered the world, looking for the perfect woman, scotch, and links, he discovered his drive could be used on objects heavier than a golf ball.  Soon his wandering transformed into a travelling roadshow where he would hit common household objects to the delight of crowds.  Soon, he added fireworks and other explosives at his show for dramatic effect. 

While performing in the colonial port of St. Pachydermus, he was trapped by a Civil War amongst the locals and their Swiss overlords.  Befriending a bunch of Scottish mercenaries, Robert acquired a large amount of mortar shells and dynamite, and in a drunken stupor climbed to the highest building in town and began to tee them off into the fighting below.  His actions trickled back to Scotland and became even more legendary than his drives.  The King of Scotland demanded he return to Scotland, gave him a military commission, and requested that he teach mobile artillery techniques at the Royal Military Academy in Glasgow. 
An alleged picture of McHope on a rooftop party with anarchists, St Pachydermus
All Highlander units with mobile artillery attached to them sing praises to McHope in drunken revelry.  He's a celebrity and a hero of the nation now, although the lifetime ban is still effect.  McHope worries not a second, for he has installed two 18-hole golf courses within the confines of the artillery ranges.  No one is the wiser, and even better, the course is constantly changing with each new class.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Gnome Profile: Crown Prince Otto von Buckvitz

The German Empire may look like a megalithic power to other nations, but in reality, it is a strong federal system that does its best to contain the the hodge-podge of Duchies, Principalities, Baronies, Fiefdoms, City-State Protectorates within its borders.

One of the larger and most influential territories is the Grand Duchy of Oesterria.  Oesterria is largely famed for its tinkers and inventors.  Before the Industrial Boom and the subsequent militarization, Oesterria was known world-wide for their small kitchen appliances, mainly toasters and hand mixers.

Crown Prince Otto von Buckvitz is 8th in line for the royal succession to the German crown, but to the people of Oesterria, he is the middle-aged millionaire playboy that fills the local newspapers with stories that help them disappear from their dreary lives.  While his elderly father Claude still runs the day-to-day operations, Otto spends the entertains the world with his safaris, expeditions, and sponsorships of the arts. 


If Otto has one weakness, it is the music of Franz Ferdinand, a popular band leader from the neighboring Kingdom of Surfia.    News of Franz's band, The Principal Orchestra, making an appearance at a local music hall, has been been know to cause near-rioting in the streets, as people clammor for tickets.  The Crown Prince is notorious for using his royal clout to obstain preferred seating at such events.  His demands are such that whole swaths of seating are reserved for his small entourage, preventing many ethnic Surfians for being prevented from seeing the shows. 

Political commentators willing to risk future censorship have commented that the many Surfians would kill for a chance to see Franz Ferdinand, and their first choice could be the Crown Prince.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Gnome Profile: Sister Rosalie of the Rosary

Sister Rosalie Katarina is the latest in the line of Roman Catholic nuns serving as medics for the Imperial Guard of California.

Unlike other nationalities,where women can be nurses, but are under the watchful eye of a male doctor, the nuns have total autonomy to complete their duties, sometimes even disobeying officer's orders (and concerns for their own safety) to save the lives of Guardsmen.

Sister Rosalie is the third child of a Hispanic family outside of Salinas.  Usually the third child in such families have few options: the men join the military and the women are pushed towards the church to avoid more dowries for the family.  Maria wanted both options.  She became a nun and was assigned to the Convent of Santa Anita.  There, she learned the finer points of veterinary medicine.   Soon she became an instructor at the convent, and applied for an appointment to the Catholic Military Medical Reserves.  She she's been appointed, Sister Rosalie has been an indispensible member of her unit. The troops in her company know that this servant of God will not whither under any fire to save them, and they go out of their way to protect her, both on the battlefield, and escorting her off post. 

They do complain that some of her remedies are "horse pills," but for Rosalie, old habits die hard.