A Universal Truth About Men....

Babylon Bee

 

Gamma World) Not a Test #137 - Fishing the Old Marks

Our heroes, the De Facto Explorers, had decided to embark on an epic quest to reach Lathar's long-lost father, Harkonn. After side-quests, distractions, blue surges of strange auras, and beings definitely  not from around Riverbend, they've finally arrived at an odd softrock (concreate) planform with the water of the the Black Reeds...   Half the party was trapped in the facility's Ancient tech filtration plant, but was rescued by Sonny sabotaging it... only to discover that this site was the twelve-year old project of one Harkonn Bracken... and a number of allies.

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Lathar Bracken: A pure-strain human from River Bend.  He's got the muscle, the face, and a mount for most encounters.  Lathar's trusty beast of burden, No Name, travels wherever he does.   Looking for trouble in all the right places. The two-time champion of the Fair-Town Queen's Joust.  Recently married to the now-pregnant Thunnelda Haycock.   He has just reunited with his estranged and missing father of the last 12 years..

Sneaky Pete: A mutated weasel scout.  Pete's telepathy and stealth take center stage in their mission, although he is apparently addicted to his newly uncovered yellow powder found at "The Pool House"

Sonny Helianthus: an over 10' tall sentient sunflower artifact examiner with four arms, and trusted Restorationist ties. Knowledgeable,  but not a good one with device repairs or upgrades.   Sonny may have recently detonated an atomic device in the petrified woods... although no one else knows. 

Slitheran Wurmtail (aka Squiggles): a mutated earthworm scout, in impromptu power armor, looking for trouble in all the wrong places,  and finding it often.   He  has been subject to genetic testing and developed super-human strength, a more human body, and a thick coat of shaggy white hair.  Recently attacked and kidnapped then left for dead by an unknown group, looking for revenge.  Also pregnant for the third time, heavily wounded by the underwater apparatus. 

Poppy and Speedy: Two of Squiggles' offspring from his first... litter(?) They're now teenagers in worm years, old enough to grab diminutive muskets and help their Manchi and his friends on this epic quest.   And we have learned the Poppy... can't swim.

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After the otters got the back-up pumps running on KIA Filtration Facility #12, Harkonn invited everyone back to the main base of operations... beyond the reeds, beyond the lake Sonny had spied, and into the edge of the woods which gave the Wildlands their name. Embarking on a number of low, man-powered boats and rafts, they crossed the lake and ventured deep into woods and finally reached the encampment. 

It was a large number of Ancient cargo containers, converted to living and work spaces, a few outbuildings, and a few tents and tarps sheltering scrounged up equipment.

Harkonn: "Welcome... to the Old Marks."

They reached a spot with a metal awning extending from one of the containers, allowing an open spot for some kind of eternal and communal pot.   One of Harkonn's crew threw some KIA insta-rations, a tiny, thin pack that when poured into the stew, absorbed the water and turned into some items that vaguely looked like vegetables. 

Harkonn: "Eat now.. I need to talk to the others, figure out what we need to do..."

Lathar:  "Need to do?  About the plant or about us?  I'll go with you and plead our case."

There is only the look that a father can give his son, when his son is a dumbass and is coming along anyway...

They ventured over to one of the other containers, Harkonn's crew going over the technical specifications of the filtration system and it's needed repairs.  

Grindle the Turtle finally showed up to the meeting, "So... the kid and his friends are staying?  Do I get to eat the flower... looks tasty. "

Lathar: "So you guys have just been living out here all this time."

Harkonn: "We have been monitoring this water facility since we built it.  It's a modern piece of Ancients tech that is helping the world.  Some of the group scavenges and explores the edge of the Wildlands...  No one here has any family, so the mission takes precedence."

Lathar flinched at the words, "No one here has any family."

Walking back to Lathar's friends... Harkonn finally asks, "So... you got everything figured out." 

Lathar: "Hardly..."

Lathar tried to figure out anything about his father.  Harkonn admitted he wasn't a good man.  Courier work, travelling around, guarding the occasional caravan, robbing the occasional caravan, killing a man in a bar once, or twice, or three times, working off rival gangs in Fair-Town.

"Trust me, I didn't bring you down here to take over the family trade.  Don't worry about that.   You do whatever you want.  Alright?  I'm perfectly content down here.  Call it a moment of weakness when I wrote the letter.  We encountered a raccoon courier on a hovercycle.  I said what the hell!   At this point I need to organize a long-range expedition to find pack animals and travel to find some pipe... maybe into the glow...  We don't need you. "

Lathar finally put his head down on his cot, 

"This is it? This is what I came here for?  I dragged my friends down here, nearly got them killed, for this?  I've spent more time with my Explorers than I have my old man..." 

Late that night, Sonny is holding a power cell lantern with one hand, holding a copy of Home Food Preservation and Pressure Canning Guide, 2036 Smart Agriculture Edition he had found in the building...   A hooded figure came around the corner and entered their building, showing enough skin to put their finger up to his lip before entering.

Lathar woke up with a shove, "C'mon boy, grab your gear.... We're going out this morning...."

"What do I need, Dad?"

"More than what you had when you dove off the facility to greet me..."

Despite his conversations with father, and the thoughts that clouded his mind as he fell aslepp, Lathar sat up, and grabbed his sword, his shield, and a pistol.  Harkonn led him further away from the Old Marks, technically down river, until they came upon a rowboat, with a device attached to the back of it. 

"Let's not try to stab the fish... you ever use a true rod and reel?"

Harkonn steered from the back, the silent device pushing the boat further.  He navigated through the reeds effortlessly.  There is a spot, in the moonlight that even Lathar could realize the water was crystal-clear... and heading back toward the river. As they ventured further into the river, it was a completely different body of water, with more vibrant plant life, even for fall.

"Nightcrawlers or beetles?"

"Beetles.... My friend Squiggles and his kids are worms."

"So THAT's what they are!"

Harkonn broke the silence of the morning:  "I know you have questions, might as well ask them here..."

Lathar: "Why did you leave... and why did you need me here now."

Harkonn: "Lathar... I don't need you here."

There was a long silence.

Harkonn: "There was a chance to send a letter. I have my mission, but I do miss you guys from time to time." 

Lathar: "So we share this moment, and we leave?  You've got everything under control?"

Harkonn: "Yeah, we're handling everything.  Everybody's got an agenda, they're just smart enough not to go into the Wildlands.  We know how to handle it.  I don't you venturing out there, getting yourself killed.  I want you to settle down, live well, prosper, be happy...

And that was when Lathar caught a magnificent Largemouth Bass.

After that moment, they fished some more, then Harkonn quickly packed up and turned the motor on, turning back to Old Marks.

Lathar was confused.

Harkonn:  "River traffic.  A much bigger boat.  I didn't feel like meeting them... let's get back and work on a raft that will get you back upriver with your furry friends."

Lathar stayed quiet and melancholy,  not regaling his father with his adventures, not telling him about his wife, not telling him about he was soon to be a grandfather. 

Then return to camp with the bass, and a number of smaller fish.  They're surprised to find a full squad of armed otters in the camp, well-armed with Ranks of the Fit armbands.

Harkonn's face drops.  They've come to talk to him. 

Next: #138 - Not Fond of the Beavers

Fall-In 2026 AAR

The air is crisp, the leaves are changing colors, and old men have flocked to Lancaster once again.

It must be time for Fall-In! 2026.

The last few years have been more miss than hit for November, as the Stout Gnomes presence has fluctuated from minimal to non-existent.  

This year I was the lone member of the contingent to spend the weekend, not even my daughter made the trip with me.  And as such, despite submitting two events, there were no Gnome Wars games to speak of.

I might be going solo, but as I packed by Fall-In! 2000 t-shirt and reminded myself it's 15 years since I ran my first HMGS event, the games and vendors are secondary to hanging out and talking with folks I only see two or three times a year. 

All... by... myself...

So, with a car packed, and no event to run until 7pm Friday, I leisurely drove down I-81 to the latest episode of Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff,  and meandered the back roads to reach the Host, err... the Wyndham.

Parking in the front was still accessible, badge check-in was easy, and I went out to answer my biggest question, "Where the hell Lampeter 13?"  

For the casual con-goer, the Lampeter room is the big room to the left when you walk in the main doors. I know they've moved things around over the years, but it tended to be house two activities: most tournaments and Wally's Basement (aka the flea market).   Wally's was moved back into the theatre (more on that later),  and pipe and drape separated the tournaments from two rows of games,   I know some people had trouble finding it, but compared to a Friday morning in the Lancaster (aka Distelfink) Ballroom, where the heat and the smell were inching up by 11am, I'll gladly take the alternative. 

I then made my only quick foray down to the dealers, where I made some purchases, talked to a lot of folks, and must finally admit, the golf cart shuttle was the greatest thing ever.  I'm older, but healthier than the last few years, but God that was nice.

Most of Friday afternoon was a mixture of wandering about, running into folks, snapping pictures and hanging out at John Speiss' Castle Siege - Army of Darkness game.  

A quick jaunt over to the Red Roof to check in and I was back over with a good spot and ready for the joust. 

I finally acquired a picture of me circulating around our friend group.  It's me with The Joust set up in Lampeter, taken around 6:50 Friday night.  It's caption: "Sad Eric."  

A second appearance on the post for emphasis

By 7:06 we had a dozen players, rules taught and table assignments given.  A dozen is a low number for the joust, but competing with Toys for Tots activities, the opening session of Wally's, and a Circus Maximus game , I'll gladly take the crew I got.  I was about to put the blame on our lack of participation at the last few Fall-Ins, but upon checking some weird gnome guy's blog, I realized we only missed last years iteration.  In fact, two years ago, we had 20 players and I ended up losing in the finals... to my own daughter. 

With Maja not attending, not only new champion was certain to be crowned, but I would have to *gasp* do things by myself.  With an even number of players, I joyfully kept myself out of the tournament and let the group have their own brand of jousting fun. 

In the end, it was up to Sir Jack to put an end to the woman only whispered in dark corners as "Lady Paula Deen"  She had unhorsed three of her opponents in each of their first (and only) passes.    Jack stayed on his horse, needing a heavy blow to possibly win, but ignominiously didn't even get past the kick zone.   And showing the grace of a champion, Lady Paula allowed a fourth pass, where she thoroughly thrashed the competing knight. 

A short joust meant I could still sneak into Wally's before the late night session wrapped up.  

This was from earlier in the day, but there is something wrong with this picture.  

I can see everything?  I still didn't get all the details as to how this occurred, but that lighting adjustment allowed everyone to see.  Alas it didn't help me find anything I wanted to buy!

I decided against finding something else to play, or perhaps imbibe a beverage and find myself playing Frogger across US 30 at 1am, so I packed up made the arduous journey across the street.

Saturday

I took my time checking out of the hotel, managed to unload everything for my Saturday game using the side door for Lampeter, and even managed to snag the closest spot in the lot.  I was staying until I was done that night. 

With some limited time before I needed to set up the game, I wandered over to the War College for  

"Knights of Freedom: The U.S. Army's Second Armored Division" by Fred Brems. 

I had Battletech beside me all weekend.  I did not complain.

I did grab a meatball sub, which was adequate, and set up for my 2pm game, a Fistful of Lead Christmas.  Perhaps my research material did not have as many primary sources for historical accuracy, but the players did not question a thing!  

Not just Amazon: Near the end, the North Pole police arrest a package thief.

Paramilitary Santa and his elves showed up... and did nothing. 

Stu the Teenage Yeti found a new friend.

Most of the Gingerbread Zombies never made it to the table.  They were not needed for fun.  

Two quick statements post-game: (1) Don't reveal you're the only wizard on the table too early. 

(2) Do NOT cut in line for the Taco Truck.  The elf women will thrash you within inches of your life... then call your parents.   More in a later post....

After that I wandered a bit before breakdown, double checking my raffle tickets for Toys for Tickets, and bidding farewell for the folks I could find, packing up my stuff and leaving...

I remember my buddy Wooly's Urbie game from 25+ years ago.... 

 

... but not before I finally sat down at the Micro-machine scale board for Formula 

I need to learn to never pass up this game when it's set up.  I won the pole, got a great jump on the start, and only pushed on the last two turns to pull away with a commanding win.  

My Penny Racer wins the day! 

I finally got to my car, sat down for Five Guys for the first time in ages (and I'll be good for ages more), and cackled to the latest podcast of Pink Fohawk on the way home.  

Site:  The Wyndham post-remodel remains a solid site.  Besides a few ill-placed, forgotten and overflowing trash cans, plus a bit of toastiness in the ballroom Friday. My meatball sub was decent (although the pierogies were wildly overpriced... there's a lot of church bazaar ladies scratching their heads for that).  

My Hotel (Red Roof) - I'm not picky, so a place like the Red Roof, across the street from the Wyndham is an easy 3 out of 5, especially when it was $75 for the night. 

Parking:  I remember the days of overflow lots, even before the the containers during the Great Remodel, so to get perfect parking spots all weekend is a blessing, especially when the winds picked up Saturday night. 

Vendor:  The tried and true folks were there, plus new and different folks.  Around noon on Friday, people were spending wads of cash behind me... for the rest I don't know. 

Toys for Tots:   The Charity portion of the con, the raffle and auction to benefit Toys for Tots.   Raffle tickets were stuffed in the Chinese food containers, Friday and Saturday night, and anything I was even pondering to place a bid on for the auction was wildly out of reach by Saturday afternoon.  Of course, the best part were the numerous trips that needed to be taken to empty the toy donation box set up. 

Swag:  I didn't grab much, and all is island-adjacent and immediately going on the painting bench.

The Gnome Wars Tiki God

Two Diabolical Terrain huts

A Diabolical Terrain altar of some sort

Two Fishing boats, for any type of game, as well as Fishing28.

Out of the picture is my raffle win, a properly presented copy of "Ta-Da!" by Cool Mini or Not...

Next up for HMGS (after some big outreach of Pax Unplugged December 4-6 in Philly) will be a true-to-its-name Cold Wars, at the Wyndham,  February 4-7, 2027

Fall-In! 2027 will be November 4-7, 2027 back at the Wyndham.