(Gamma World) This is Not a Test #67 - A Few Good Humanoids

 Our heroes, the De Facto Explorers,  are spending the winter scouting around KIA Academy.

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Sneaky Pete: A mutated weasel scout.  Pete's telepathy and night vision take a backseat when he whips out his electrical powers.  

Sonny Helianthus: a sentient sunflower artifact examiner with trusted Restorationist ties. Knowledgeable,  but not a good one with device repairs or upgrades.  Very interested in a "Children's Alchemical Laser" he recently acquired.

Slitheran Wurmtail (aka Squiggles): a mutated earthworm scout, in impromptu power armor, looking for trouble, and finding it often.  Previously "gave birth" to a litter of sentient earthworm babies, but recently has been subject to genetic testing and developed super-human strength, a more human body, and a thick coat of shaggy white hair.

Lathar Bracken: A pure-strain human from River Bend.  He's got the muscle, the face, and a mount for most encounters.  Lathar's trusty beast of burden, No Name, travels wherever he does.  No Name has recently been fitted for a artillery device of the Ancients that chucks spears further than any human.  Looking for trouble in all the right places.  Former jousting champion of Fair-Town and has been awarded... a peacock he has named Chambray.  He's recently been struck by a weapon by a strange race of people and transformed into... something else... multiple times.

RHA-9: A lab assistant piece of "Living Metal" that seems to have befriended the group... for now!  Currently getting repairs done by the Restorationists. Currently safely in their hotel room on KIA Academy Level Zero.

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The De Facto Explorers continued down the small river with the blue-skinned Kirothians they encountered along the banks.  The group was divided with what exactly to do with them.  KIA Academy wasn't too fond of the blue humanoids, for prior transgressions, and Pete in particular did not trust the beings.  

"I may be colorblind but I don't back these blue."

After spending a night in separate camps, the last watch of the night, Squiggles wakes the group. As Squiggles settles in for a quick nap before they departed, the rest of the groups panic, as a giant eagle flew overhead. Thinking it was a simple large predator, Pete and many of the Kirothians dove for cover.  However, many noticed that something was off.  It was actually a much larger eagle flying into the high clouds.  There was little relief as two more eagles could be seen following the first, all heading northeast, nearly parallel to the tributary going upstream, as the groups traveled downstream.

Near the end of the second day with the Kirothians, they reached the River Road, a continuation of the same road that they had taken from Riverbend to KIA Academy.  While it was not the same magnificent construction, or even plowed, like KIA's infrastructure,  It's crushed stone seemed to withstand a handful of wagon ruts and winter weather. 

Sonny was particularly impressed with the bridge that crossed the tributary.  It certainly wasn't as impressive as the monolithic KIA Academy Overpass, but it was concrete, over one hundred feet long and brand new.  

As the Kirothians looked at the Big River, the Explorers realized it was for the first time.  At first the blue skinned folk with unimpressed by the trickle of water they saw in the center flowing, until they realized that much of the vast river was frozen over with ice.  The Kirothians were still out of sorts, concerned that they hadn't encountered any other villages,  but happy that they hadn't been attacked since the Explorers had joined them.

Setting up camp early, Pete, Squiggles, and the hunters for the Kirothians set off to hunt for food and brought home an impressive haul, so everyone ate well

The following day, they encountered an unusual site.  A barricade, constructed enitrely of old tree stumps, roots and all. Blocked the road.  This strange wall ran over 200 yards, from the base of berm facing the river, across the road, and ending twenty yards or so into the forest.  

Lathar poured on the charm with the Kirothian's Chief Scout Elona, and the two were inseparable, including Lathar lifting the petite woman onto his shoulders to look over the tree stump wall.  

Between the Explorers and Kirothians, there were multiple attempting to climb over or traverse around the blockade, and everyone got to the other side without incident. 

Conferring Elona and a few others, the Explorers heard the Kirothians losing faith.  It was agreed if a Kirothian village or at least people weren't encountered by the end of the day, they would turn around the following morning and head back upriver, destination: Fair-Town or even Riverbend. 

They continued down the road quite awhile until a strange voice erupted from Sonny's belt.  The communication device, the walkie talkie Elona had given to him roared to life. 

"You've got some cow pokes coming out of the woods being talled by some co-yotes" AT YOUR TEN."

Sonny responded, "...and where are you?"

"I have full view on you and your blue friends."

No other response came from the walkie-talkie, no matter what Sonny said.

They group halted as they spotted five blue skinned people scrambling out of the wood on to the road in front of them. followed by four skeletal living metal and one possible humanoid in full body armor.

 

With Pete on the back of No-Name, he activated the Spear Hurler and inserted a spear.  I flew out at lightning speed and incredible accuracy.  It nailed on the skeletal living metals in the chest/ribs, and the spear shattered upon contact.  

Weapons attached to the living metal not only had tremendous range, but they literally vaporized two of the running Kirothians but missed shots flew over the heads of the explorers, 50 yards beyond!  

Lathar easily used his "Size Up Opponent" skill and realized their weapons of Ancients might harm them, but the difference in range and accuracy was too much to risk.  Full retreat, back to the bridge or further, was in order.  

gm notes: interesting topic of discussion how many of many people in gaming world would have access to, much less know how to read a clock, much less translate that into spatial awareness.

I gave them incredible penalties to use the spear hurler in real life, yet the rolls overcome... and it still has no effect on the skeletal living metal.

Everyone fled into the woods.  Squiggles is the last to move, snatching up the surviving Kirothian child. Luckily whatever this strange kill team's motives were, they moved methodically enough that everyone could escape, but for how long?

Even scared and tired, the group easily outpaced these terrifying squad pursuing them.  Most past the wall of stumps and finally collapsed at the remains of the old camp by the bridge.  

Once the group was determined to be safe, for know, Squiggles returned the wall of stumps, and tried to scan the darkness with his infrared goggles.   He could hear some sort of engagement with Ancient weapons, The infrared showed heavy heat signatures of in the distance, so at morning, he took a closer look.  

The pursuers seem to have been engaged to some other force... and they lost? There are hunks of living metal, and one or two bodies, some very large craters, and some sort of moving box that's cut up in thirds. Only visible markings is a skull with lightning bolts behind it. human body parts, one wearing a robe. Everything is picked clean. A handful of tracks lead downriver, most of the traffic is going away from the river into the light woods ....

GM Notes: With the exceptions of trying to control No Name, and his ongoing seduction of Elona, Lather had a horrible days, particularly with his class skills.  Lathar's skill of combat leadership failed miserably, aiding to the rout, and his Size Up Opponent should have generated more basic data. 

Next: #68 - Who's Worse than the Cabal of Evil?

(Kickstarter) Space Dwarfs: Operation Army 4 by Magglet

It's been four years since Magglet launched a Kickstarter for a lone Space Dwarf, and now the wonderful monster has reached it full potential with Space Dwarfs: Operation Army 4 on Kickstarter

It's a significant retooling from their previous models.  Their original slimmer, nimbler dwarfs heavy weapons have gotten chunkier, their exo-suits a big more egg shaped, and a new space dwarf warlord set.  And let's not forget the previous sets available again as add-ons.

(Risus - Illuminati University) Les Ninjas Tombent du Plafond Sous La Douche

It's actually been awhile since we I dusted off IOU for a game, but our Gamma World session was going to heavily focus on the 9ft tall, four armed mutant sunflower, Sonny, and with his player's absence, I was adamant we were going to play something...

In a SFW setting, this is what I could build post-session: 

For Keith Stone, a late morning wake-up involved a beer shower of Keystone Light, but at some part of the festivities in the dorms, a spec of some hipster IPA must have fallen onto his skin, forcing him into the bathroom to take a legitimate real shower.  

The shower room was oddly busy for this time of time, the strains of "Sweet Home Alabama" reverberated from one stall, easily revealing Buckshot Calvert, the University's top Moopsball quarterback.  

On the other side of Keith was simply Pedro.  Not many knew anything about this man, except he carried a greatsword into a boffer LARP on the PENT (The IOU five-sided quad), and that he was a first semester Fresh-Thing, and technically off-limits in most situations. 

"I need a loofa, if someone can grab a spot on my back...."  

It seemed like God's justice for ninjas to drop out of the ceiling, just at that time.

Two of these six ninjas immediately slipped on the wet tile and knocking  themselves unconscious.  

One odd fact, as the three showering turned around:  The alleged ninjas were all naked.  

Pedro, assuming a threat, dove through the curtain, hitting the ninja in the face with the curtain rod.  Pedro shoved him into a headlock, then kicked another ninjas up against the wall.  

The three showering students were all quite alarmed that the ninjas were now holding katanas.

"Where were they hiding those?" Keith asked aloud, as he dove through the stance of another ninjas, his soapy body getting him out of immediate trouble, pushing off the bench, he redirected his slide to head out of the bathroom, where he spied a case in the wall with a bright red fire axe.   Doors in the hallway opened to see what all the clamor was about... this time.

Buckshot quickly squirted bodywash on the floor, and as his ninja stepped forward and slid into him.  Buckshot's put his loofa in his attackers face, spun him around, and shoved him against the handles of the shower.  

Keith dueled with a ninja, katana versus fire axe, but he was distracted by the flushing of a toilet, an a midget wearing a little-person approved  great helm emerged. 

The boys mopped up the ninjas, but only Keith saw the midget raise three fingers and speak a word, sending shockwaves through the bathroom.  Buckshot felt the waves through three walls and when he turned the corner, could only see the midget, visor on the great helm up, and everyone else was unconscious.  

"You know that's eye level for me.  Go find a towel."

"It's not eye level cause it's so close to the ground."  Buckshot retorted.

Roberto, the Resident Director halfling, chuckled, "Help me with these bodies,  I hate the Ninja Club, I never see them coming.  Could you please put on real clothes. 

Buckshot helped out and once it was just Pascal and Keith,  he invited all three to the on-campus church group he was chief advisor to.  "It's mostly shorter folk like me, but everyone is welcome, plus you'll love our snacks and fellowship, followed by second snacks and fellowship."

Roberto departed, and Keith woke up his classmates, and caught them up to speed.  "They're snacks!"

Pedro: "Just to confirm, my friend, are they the snacks, are we the snacks, or are there delectable treats after their religious rituals?

Keith:  "No clue, let's find out!"

The group was dressed up, Buckshot holding a keg under his arm, as a gift....

The walked down the hallway for the all-purpose room, passing the other rooms reserved for other groups:  Chess Club, Completive Combat Tag, Brazilian Lycanthropes, Ukrainian Basket Weaving...

They finally reached the end of the hallway, and none of them had ever seen so many midgets in their life (halflings, put these three weren't the most culturally sensitive.)  Some were dressed int their Sunday finest, some in jeans and t-shirts.  One of the college aged parishioners came up to great them. "Father Pip said you were coming."  He eyed the keg of Keystone Light, "We're NOT going to need that today."

"But it's what we brought!"  Buckshot clamored back. 

The parishioner pointed towards the altar, "We bring our own."

Buckshot's jaw dropped as he followed the little persons figure and saw the large wooden keg on the raise platform serving as the altar.

Keith: "I sure hope that's not an IPA."

The trio sat down amongst the throng of parishioners.  Roberto, "Father Pip" emerged, adorned with fancy robes and a strange hat. 

Keith, whispering to Buckshot, "He's the Pope of Midgets"

Father Pip: "Ah, welcome and greetings to the friends of Shot of Buck, enjoy your time her today." 

The three guys couldn't really follow the service, the memorized prayers and responses.  Soon a procession of other folks, six on each side.  They hold  four glass goblets,  four pewter mugs, and  four wooden tankards.   Father Pip was up front, in a booming voice, "May your troubles bubble away and your joys foam over...."

Everyone with a mug, raises it.  The rest of the congregation holds up their fist like they were holding their own.   Father Pip filled the containers with the contents of the keg, and they lined up in from of the altar.   Buckshot and Pedro scurried back to the rear of the room, where they protected their own keg. 

Instead of some ritual communion, Father Pip just starts telling stories you might hear at the bar.  The congregation lined up, each halfling taking a sip from their preferred container.    Keith followed up, led by some lovely ladies he had met.  

Pedro and Buckshot stood next to the snack table...  The selection of the foods was excellent, especially the numerous charcuterie board.  

Buckshot slid some delicious-looking red peppers up the sleeve of his red shirt.

GM:  Roll Save versus Charcuterie, please....  Pedro, you too.

Pedro:  Did you see the nuts?

Buckshot:  Which nuts? 

Pedro:  Deez.... Candied Pecans!

Buckshot:  Not now, maybe after.  What does Keith think he's doing?

And with that the Moopsball Quarterback rubbed his eyes in disbelief, triggering the mutant hot pepper which were up his sleeves.

Keith took a swig directly from the beer tankard.  Once the liquid touched his tongue, he seemed to spew twenty times the amount into the acolytes face.

"It's not beer.... it's sarsaparilla!"  

All the halflings were aghast. 

Keith:  My deepest apologies, this isn't the flavor blast I'm used to. 

The halflings bought the apology, falling for Keith's ability to be Always Smooth.

After the service, all was forgiven, and like the end of an episode of a bad 80's movie/sitcom.  They all clink glasses of sarsaparilla.....

GM Notes: We rolled a 71 on the IOU scenario generator, "21st Level Halfling Cleric of Sarsparilla fighting a town of ne'er do wells, led by a naked hobo ninja with a hidden katana."  I adapted on the fly.

Detailing some of the ancient storyline from the IOU campaign, Pedro's player may have linked Professor Pittleman to the bartender at the Wrong Celery in our Gamma World campaign.

These characters did earn the ally, Church of the Sarsaparilla 15+ (on 3d6) 

(IOU) Pedro the Gladiator

Pedro the Gladiator - First Semester Fresh-Thing

Orphaned Extreme Gladiator (4)

Charming Master Greatswordman (3)

Blues Clues on Ice #1 Fan (1)

Weapons:  The Hollow Fang, his personal greatsword.

Equipment:  Off-brand tablet for school classes, and an app where he writes "Paw Prints on Ice: A Clue-Sleuth’s Cold Case Files" 

Pedro is a brand-new Freshthing at IOU, a renowned fighter in his high school / historical era.   He's learned English from watching Blues Clues, and his class in "Marketing Ice Follies" has led him to an unsafe fascination with Blues Clues on Ice.. 

GM Notes:  When making a RISUS-IOU character for a first-time player, I always start with (1) What was the last movie you watched (2) Who was your favorite character in the movie, and then we break the character down to cliches and tropes.   Mike watched Gladiator 2, and we now have a teenage Pedro Pascal, trying out the catchphrases of all his other roles.  

The Collected Cold Wars 2025 Reviews

 As I have already ranted and raved about, I didn't attend Cold Wars 2025 this year in Gettysburg.  I do not any regrets with my absence, but what has surprised me was that, by mid-day on Thursday, there weren't any of the half-dozen to ten separate topics on TMP about the con.  

We couldn't have all the self-important bloggers not attend Cold Wars and bloviate their opinions with a few pictures, could we? 

We only had one of the Stout Gnomes attend Cold Wars as a day trip and we discussed it Monday night.  Positives:  There was a Cold Wars and the flea market had some awesome finds (it looked quite large, compared to the vendors).  Negative:  Multi-building arrangement, low vendor turnout, none of the events truly caught his eye.    Not going to put words in his mouth, but if pressed, he might give an over-enthusiastic C-

For me and my social media searching, I found a lot of empty tables up until Saturday afternoon, and a lack of foot traffic wandering the Ike.  When all the videos could perform a Broadway number between the booths in the vendor hall, I have some concerns reinforcing the problems with having a con for the sake of a con. 

So here are five YouTube videos that I found covering the convention.  

Little Wars TV:

Axis and Aliens:

Bill's Wargame World - After Action Report

Bill's Wargame World - Dealer Hall

Mark's Game Room - No matter what the video title says...

Jedi Ram's Reviews

Blogs:

One of My Men Became Restless

Even the Price of Sheep Are Going Up.

 I'll be honest, I haven't purchased from Old Glory since my Samoa Project, and that was 11 years ago.

But before Brigade and now Badger have a huge footprint at the HMGS shows, Old Glory was the anchor vendor at the shows, although I was caught up in needing to order items ahead of time, because my preferences weren't part of the regular travelling inventory.  

I've missed most of their online news since COVID, but this week they launch some new  25/28mm figures for their Farm Range.

FAR-05 Sheep

Even though they are nice sheep, I'm still amazed I don't freak out over the $15.00 for four sheep.  

Even the lead mutton has gone up in price!  

(Backerkit) Terraforming Mars: The RPG

 It's been a year of some hardcore, overmarketed  licensed RPGs getting crowdfunded. I didn't expect to see an ad for Terraforming Mars: The RPG coming to Backerkit, but it was subtle and smooth enough for for me to sign up for the launch.  

I like Terraforming Mars the board game, heck I've run a few sessions of my own Terraforming Mars RPG, using Risus, many moons ago.  At worst, it's a single planet version of Traveller. 

But then the game launched, a I realized who the authors for the project were: 

Kenneth Hite and Gareth Ryder-Hanrahan.  

If it's going to be green thumb Traveller, it's going to be the best green thumb Traveller it can be.  

The writers are top-notch, the artwork is great, and the number of volumes dedicated to this game are impressive... and the pricing matches.