2018-19 Gaming Year in Review

Hey true believers!  Ever since high school, I've tracked my gaming like the federal fiscal calendar, so it makes sense to have September 30th cover my Year in Review.

The Blog
Ten years blogging as of this month.  Almost 3,000 posts and we'll be hitting a half-million views (some actually legit!) sometime in 2020.  It's been a fun hobby documenting my other hobbies.

The Top Ten Blog Posts Over the Past Twelve Months
#1 New Post-Apoc Minis from Brigade Games
#2 Fall-In! 2018 AAR
#3 James Stanton for HMGS Board of Directors
#4 Cold Wars 2019 AAR
#5 Curse of Nevoz #3 - Fourteen Beers at Chili's
#6 Historicon 2019 Day-Trip
#7 The Keg Golem
#8 Of Armies and Hordes Released by Ganesha Games
#9 Curse of Nevoz #1 - Clean Up, Aisle Four!
#10  (Review) Chickapig

I'll usually take any traffic I can get, but the New Post-Apoc Minis from Brigade post and the one regarding Jim Stanton for HMGS Board of Directors seemed to pique the interest of certain Italian and Ukrainian bots, respectively.  After suffering from outrageous production from posts regarding Wardlings and a Shadowrun Kickstarter last year, I felt it was appropriate to delete those posts.

Removing all the posts with alleged bot-hits, 2019 looks similar to 2018.  No Easter game this year removed wargames from the top "8."  And it pays to work off a popular free Call of Cthulhu scenario and another based off a Reddit chain to my "Curse of Nevoz" Canadian College Cthulhu campaign.

The demise of Google+ was quite noticeable to my overall and individual  post views.  It seems more than coincidental that after April, the average pageviews for the first week of a new posts seems to have dropped in half compared to the last few years.  Again, it could have all been bot-inflated numbers exploiting Google+, but it makes one wonder.

Best Laid Plans that Didn't Pan Out:

Everything -  The girl's basketball horizons expanded from the local community league (which I'm now vice-president of) to five different leagues and an equal number of camps.  Outside of a badly injured wrist at an AAU tournament at the Jersey Shore, it's been a positive and fun experience, but it has significantly hampered any sort of family gaming projects.  Tack on my second promotion at work in the last two years and normal lunch hour chillaxin' on the blogs has disappeared.   Let's not even mention the pool we got installed.  First world gamer problems indeed.

The Purge 2019 - A mini-book purge cleared up the shelves.  Nothing that I was even close to playing.

Kids Painting - See basketball comments above, although they have managed to use my paints for some arts and crafts projects.

My Painting - I touched up a bunch of figures... and then... nothing.  Working on the RPG actual plays has turned by workbench time into office time in front of the computer.  The basement flooding didn't help either.

Reverisco - I was able to make a few interesting purchases this year.  One was finally placing an order with tin-soldier.com (Reverisco).  The sets are quite affordable, except that the scale of the figures wanders between 20mm and 28mm.  That's a huge disparity.

Highlights of 2019:

The New Neighbors and the Return of Swahili!:  We loved our old neighbors, we were sad when they were forced to move for work, and we had the slightest of trepidation with the new family and their younger kids.  Except James, the father, plays Magic, is interested in podcasts and D&D, and family in general likes to play games.  Probably didn't get as much out of it as I could this Summer, but I broke out my Magic cards against an adult, and dusted off my old copy of Swahili.  Even with basketball season coming along, I foresee some winter days playing games with all ages between the houses.

When we do get the chance to chill out together our families keep things low-key

Battle in a Box, Prematurely: The Harford Area Weekly Kriegspielers (HAWKs) have a host of cool ideas, one of which was Battle in a Box.  The idea of setting up a game that could be easily packed up and transported, and making a contest out of it was simply brilliant.  I just couldn't get mine to run following the contest rules at Fall-In!  Still, six players and a chance to play more Second Samoan Civil War was a hoot!

The Lost Dispatches That Will Not Die: When I started my Lost Dispatches of Feraso, I simply wanted a vehicle to document all the adventures I ran in high school in the very early 90's.  Within the first ten posts it evolved into something else.  I've been able to not only cobble together the adventures into a logical order, but expound upon those areas.  I must admit that I'm re-writing some campaign history as I go.

Kickstarters:
The Power d4:  Still slated for December 2019 fulfillment
Twelve Hundred Words:  ARRIVED EARLY.  It is was it is.
Cthulhu Wars: Cataclysm:  June 2020
Bag of Bags:  ARRIVED JUST THIS FRIDAY
Sandstorm Wars I & II:  Dragging....  three months late!
Girl Underground:  RECEIVED!
Life of the Party, Volume 3: Great product, THREE MONTHS EARLY.
Steve Jackson Pocket Box Games:
In the Dungeon of the Wizard Lord Keraptis: Nice product, good communication, quick shipping and....  I donated it to the local con's charity auction.  Another whim item I don't see myself using.
Flying Circus:  Somewhere within the ether.  It's a year overdue for a pdf.  I know I probably have some version of the pdf which was made available, but at this point, I don't really care.
Reaper Bones 4:  Arrived with the normal Reaper massive Kickstarter delays.  The few figures I got are spectacular, and I now own a pig cart!

The Kid's Painting:
Maja enjoyed painting at Jim Stanton's classes at Hobby U

Maja's work on the left.

My Own Painting:  
A pittance, really.  Touching up the Samoans, a Middle-Eastern building I've yet to use, and a random hill giant.  This is why Reaper Bones V goes live tomorrow and I probably will pick up $40-50 worth of a la carte items.

Games:
5e D&D - Our DM Jeff ran into some personal problems and was forced to bail. I love GMing, but being a player was pretty liberating and relaxing.  Just a week ago, Jeff made a triumphant (albiet three week) return, and I greatly appreciated Falgor the Mighty and Uthar literally wrestling cats.  Okay, they were Tabaxi, same difference.

Adventures in Gulluvia:  Once Lost Dispatches is finally finished (March 2020?), I already have 17 episodes of Adventures in Gulluvia in the can.  BECMI D&D with a decent body count and better role-playing with 3d6 stats in order than most special systems I've seen.

Curse of Nevoz:  Running a 90's Call of Cthulhu game set in Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada was not on the top of any list, but it seems to be successful.

Risus: If all else fails, another Fleetwood Mac cover band can be used with Risus.

Pulp: Our Savage Showdown game is slowly evolving into Pulp Alley and the kids might like it that way.

Conventions:
Mepacon Fall 2018 - Cranky ViscountEric vs the Santa Parade
Fall-in! 2018 - "These halls remind me of scary scenes from Doctor Who" 
Cold Wars 2019 - The Host is Dead, Long Live the Wyndham
Historicon 2019 -  A very worthwile day-trip


Media:  It world might belong to the geek now, but after seeing The Big Bang Theory (and Preacher) finally end.  Seeing Shazam! on the big screen is a dream come true for this fan of the Big Red Cheese.  Otherwise, this geek-glut of material has been so-so.

The second biggest geek scream of the year?

2019 Gaming with the Gnomies Awards!
Best Kickstarter:  Life of the Party  - Quick, easy, exactly what I wanted.  Bag of Bags gets 2nd place.

Worst Kickstarter: Flying Circus - Estimated delivery: August 2018.  I think I have a copy of the pdf (my reward level), but I don't know if it's the final word, and I really don't care at this point.

Best Game:  Whiskey Tango Rattlesnake - a two player, one Keeper game of CoC using the character rules from Electric Hoe-Down of the Atomic Reptile Bikini Women in 3-D!!!  Was the most enjoyable game I've had in a long time.  I laughed.... a LOT.

Best RPG Purchase: 5e Ghosts of Saltmarsh still hate the hardcover campaigns, but it's a well put-together project.

Best Minis: Space Marines/IG - If something is going to jump-start the family painting, dirt cheap Imperial Guard and Space Marines might be it, even if I'm not a Games Workshop fan.

Honorable Mention, because their certainly not my minis, was Maja taking part in the Armies for Kids game, sponsored by the HAWKS.   Even more stuff for her to paint.  

Best "Other" Purchase: Bloody White Baron by James Palmer.  Enough of a reality-check for the true brutality of the Back of Beyond, but I'm also intrigued.

Next: My Plans for 2019-2020

A Final Word by Duke Seifried

A year ago, the wargaming community (and the mostly clueless role-players) lost a legend, Bruce "Uncle Duke" Seifried.  

On the first anniversary of his death, it's fair to provide a warm and open invitation he wrote in the Napoleonic rules, Frappé.

A FINAL WORD

In this day and age, pursuit of anything military is ofttimes considered the mark of a bloodthirsty Attila.  Quite the contrary, the imagination, creativity and dedication required to play at wargames is the mark of an intelligent, reasoning human being.  For those of us sharing this interest, the intellectual involvement, couple with the brilliant pageantry of the miniatures, creates an inviting diversion from the pace of everyday life.  We enjoy the opportunity to match wits with our friends in gamemanship, to exercise our artistic urges tin the collecting, organizing, and painting of our miniature armies and to demonstrate our creativity in designing and constructing realistic terrain and buildings.  Indeed, a hobby requiring more from the participant would be hard to find!   

In kind, however, it would be likewise difficult to determine an activity offering a greater return in camaraderie or pride of craftsmanship.  Here is not a static thin, but a viable interest with no limitations.  Whether you can field five hundred or five thousand makes little difference in the pure fun of the thing.  Some of us are content to uniform our men in a basic coat sufficient of identification while other must make sure each button is correct.  Whatever our persuasion, we welcome you.  We've had a great deal of fun with these rules as well as having the satisfaction of knowing  we are acting in a reasonably historic manner.  Ray has worked hard to assure accuracy in the playing manifestation.

So to you, my fellow wargamers, I say -- please give our rules a try.  To all others, I assure you that we're quite harmless.  To paraphrase our founding father, H.G. Wells, we must indicate that you have but to play briefly at little wars to quickly recognize what a tragedy and a pointless waste real war can be, and how inadequate man is to its many demands.  But in miniature, it loses its sanguinary aspect and becomes a game -- somewhat controllable and most exciting.  

All kinds of people play at wargames -- from schoolboys to university presidents, tradesmen, merchants, doctors, lawyers.  The motivation is the same, the pleasure none the less... providing an easy bridge between individuals, a stimulating activity that generates interest as it develops.

Give our game a go!  Here's hoping that you have as much fun with it as we've had! 

Another Month of New Gaming (October 2019)

Another month, another load of new gaming solicitations from Game Trade Magazine.   Game Trade Magazine #236 is available in pdf online, and at your FLGS now.

ViscountEric's Want List
Nothing

ViscountEric's Money-Is-No-Object Want List
Nothing

The Imaginary Store List (The Pegleg Gnome)
ALC Studio
Jim Henson's Labyrinth the Card Game ........................ $25.00

Ares Games
Dungeonology: Custom Sleves...................................... $12.90
Dungeonology:  Erasmus Expanion .............................. $34.90
Dungeonology:  The Expedition .................................... $69.90

Asmodee Editions
Asmodee appears to have obtained the license to manufacture Marvel Crisis Protocol, a miniatures games with expansion packs and maps beyond the $99.95 Core Set.  

Don't know if this is just the non-Clix minis license, things are changing, or this is an attempt to go for the Marvel fans that drool over the Knight Models figures for DC.  Heck of an outlay versus so stuff from WizKids, even with the significant upgrade of figure quality.

Bandai 
Dragon Ball Super Booster 9

Coolminiornot
The same can be said of the Song of Ice and Fire minis.  Game of Thrones WAS a phenomenon, and despite the beautiful quality of the minis and decent price points, any buzz I've heard has dried up. 

Czech Game Editions
Letter Jam .................................................. $19.95

Fantasy Flight Games
Genesys Expanded Players Guide HC ........................... $29.95
Genesys GM Screen ....................................................... $14.95
Legend of the Five Rings RPG: Path of Waves HC........ $49.95
Legend of the Five Rings RPG: Sins of Regret .............. $19.95
Star Wars Armada - Nadiri Starhawk ............................. $79.95
Star Wars Armada - Onager Class Star Destroyer .......... $59.95
Star Wars Legion -  AAT Trade Fed. Tank Unit ............. $59.95
Star Wars Legion -  B1 Battle Droids ............................. $19.95
Star Wars Legion -  B2 Super Battle Droids ................... $34.95
Star Wars Legion - Clone Commander Rex ................... $12.95
Star Wars Legion -  Count Dooku .................................. $12.95
Star Wars Legion - Imperial Bunker ............................... $74.95
Star Wars Legion -  Imperial Stormtrooper Upgrade ...... $19.95
Star Wars Legion -  Clone Trooper Upgrade .................. $19.95
Star Wars Legion -  Clone Trooper Phase  2 Expansion .. $34.95
Star Wars Legion -  RebeL Trooper Upgrade ................... $34.95
Star Wars Legion -  TX-130 Sabre ................................... $59.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Fully Loaded Devices Pack ............ $14.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Hot Shots and Aces Reinforcements.... $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing - Never Tell Me the Odds Obstacles ....... $14.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Fireball ............................................ $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Hound's Tooth ................................. $49.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Imperial Raider Star Destorer ......... $99.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  RZA-1 A-Wing ................................ $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Major Vonreg's Tie .......................... $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing -  Saw's Renegades .......................... .. $39.95
Star Wars X-Wing -   TIE Defender ................................   $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing -   TIE Interceptor ..............................  $19.95
Star Wars X-Wing -   TIE Reaper ....................................  $29.95

Final Frontier Games
Fistful of Meeples ......................................... $24.00

Free League Publishing 
Tales from the Loop: Out of Time ................. $33.99
Alien RPG ..................................................... $49.95
Alien RPG Base Dice  .................................. $19.95
Alien RPG Stress Dice  ................................ $19.95
Alien RPG  Custom Card Deck .................... $14.95
Alien RPG GM Screen ................................. $24.95
Alien RPG Maps and Marker ........................ $19.95

Games Workshop
Warhammer Underworlds: Beastgrave

Konami Digital Entertainment
Yu-Gi-Oh!  Mystic Fighters Boosters
Yu-Gi-Oh! SPEED DUEL - TRIALS OF THE KINGDOM Boosters

Modiphius
Legacy Life Among the Ruins The Engine of Life ..... $25.00

Monte Cook Games
CYPHER SYSTEM RPG 2ND EDITION: THE STARS ARE FIRE $49.95

Paizo Publishing

PATHFINDER - Flip Mat Classic City Gates .................................. $13.99 

PATHFINDER - Flip Tiles - Darklands Perils Expansion ............... $19.99

PATHFINDER -  Horror Adventures (Pocket Edition 1st Edition) . $19.99

PATHFINDER - AP Age of Ashes Part 6 - Broken Promises ......... $24.99

PATHFINDER -  Monster Codex (Pocket Edition 1st Edition) ...... $19.99

STARFINDER -  AP Attack of the Swarm 5 - Hive of Minds ....... $22.99

STARFINDER - Deck of Many Worlds .......................................... $19.99

Pelgrane Press

NIGHT’S BLACK AGENTS RPG: SOLO OPS ............. $44.95

Pokemon USA

Pokemon TCG Sun & Moon Cosmic Eclipse Boosters

Reaper

Dark Elves and a lot of the Lost Valley set from Bones 4.

Stronghold Games

Terraforming Mars: Turmoil ........................................ $34.95

Wildfire Games

GWAR vs Time Deck Building Game ...................... $60.00

Wizkids

Wizkids 4-D - Medieval Farm .................................. $99.99

Transformers Deep Cuts Unpainted Miniatures......  $4.99 each

Mouslings Over at Tim's Miniature Wargaming Blog

Waitaminute, you're not reading Tim's Miniature Wargaming Blog every day?  For shame! 

Tons of painting, tons of games, played, and a grateful reminder that a family that plays Necormunda together.... errr..... plays a LOT of Necromunda together.

A recent post from last weekend  showed a random assortment of figures recently completed, and he slid in some of the Reaper Bones Mouslings, using the GW Contrast Paints.

Rather dour Wizard Mouslings (77548) and females from Viking Mouslings (77549) and Barbarian Mouslings (77546)

Gnomes at the Bloomsburg Fair

There's no true state fair in Pennsylvania, but the Bloomsburg Fair is close enough.  We managed to get out last weekend for a decent share of food on a stick, shaved goats, weird attractions, and a few wasted throws of baseballs at milk bottles.

Much to my family's chagrin, I force them through the various non-animal exhibit buildings, to see various displays and Pennylvania's largest pumpkin, etc...

At least someone participating likes gnomes....

The Fall-In! 2019 PEL is Up!

The Preliminary Event List (PEL) for Fall-In! 2019 is officially available here.

No Gnome games made it on the PEL, although there will be Gnome Wars at Fall-In!

As usual, the list of games that piqued by interest.

F: 104: 09 - VSF Racing around the Pyramid 
Friday, 9:00:00 AM, 2 hrs Players: 10 Jon Lundberg, Period: Victorian Science Fiction, Scale: 28mm, Rules: VSF Races
A quick start to the convention with a light hearted race around a huge pyramid and Egyptian Temple. Sobek may attempt to prevent racers from passing unscathed.

F: 371: 09 - MOBY DICK - THE GAME
Friday, 9:00:00 AM, 4 hrs Players: 8 Michael Gesser, Period: 19th Century, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Stolen
Call you Ishmael. There she blows! Join with the whaleboats of the Pequod in the search for Moby
Dick. Each player will man one whaleboat with crew. Harpoons provided. Watch out for the Nantucket sleighride& getting damage points can be dangerous& don't lose a man overboard& there be sharks! Did I see Greenpeace protesters?

F: 405: 10 - Learn to Play Blood & Plunder
Friday, 10:00:00 AM, 2 hrs Players: 6 Mike Tuñez, Period: Age of Piracy, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Blood & Plunder
Come and learn to play Blood & Plunder. The ultimate toolkit for fighting skirmishes on land and sea across the New World!

F: 258: 11 - Togo Did The Mojo - 1905
Friday, 11:00:00 AM, 4 hrs Players: 6 Pete English,
Period: Early 20th Century, Scale: 1/600th, Rules: When Dreadnoughts Ruled The Sea
Japanese and Russian battle lines trade salvos in the Yellow Sea. Huge guns, dreadful thunder as Japanese skill attempts to counter Russian numbers.

F: 145: 13 - Scandanavian Crisis: Narvik
Friday, 1:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 6 David Hart, 5th Epoch Publishing Period: Cold War, Scale: 6mm, Rules: Battlefield Ops!
The Soviets farther into Norway while the 2nd Battallion holds Narvik. Lightly armed and armored, the Norwegians need to hold this strategic point.

F: 265: 14 - Legions of Steel Boardgame Demo Scenario #1
Friday, 2:00:00 PM, 2 hrs Players: 4 Kevin Pavlick,Period: SciFi, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Legions of Steel - RAYBOX Games
It's been over 10 years since the Machines disappeared. The legions of steel have faded away; all aggression stopped. The League of Aliens has thrived during this uneasy time of peace. Worlds rebuilt, militaries re-armed, and life renewed...but the Nightmares have returned! LEGIONS OF STEEL board game is back! DEMO the NEW intro Scenario #1 & RECON, from the upcoming re-release of the game.
Ooooh, I won't be the first playtester to run LOS at an HMGS con....

F: 352: 14 - Skirmish at Schlegel's Crossroad
Friday, 2:00:00 PM, 3 hrs Players: 6 Eric Schlegel, Period: American Civil War, Scale: 25mm, Rules: Home Brew
Come and play this fun, fast paced, easy to play, award winning (3rd place Cold Wars Battle in a Box contest) scenario as the Yanks and Rebs vie for control of a critical crossroad. Kid friendly.

F: 277: 15 - Kings of War 3rd Edition Demo
Friday, 3:00:00 PM, 2 hrs Players: 4 Chris Fisher, Troll Hoard Games Period: Fantasy, Scale: 25-32mm, Rules: Kings of War v3
Mantic Games' Kings of War is in its 10th year, and Third Edition just launched this past October! Come learn how to play the fastest growing, most tactical rank-and-flank fantasy miniatures wargame on the market. Demos running Friday and Saturday and all players will receive gift certificates from Troll Hoard Games, a friendly (online) games store stocking the entire Kings of War product line.

F: 105: 18 - Are you my Mummy?
Friday, 6:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 8 Jon Lundberg, Period: Victorian Science Fiction, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Empire of the Dead
Exploring groups travel to Egypt in search of mystical treasures. Cultists of the former priest Hoponpop will try to prevent anyone from gaining their secret knowledge of the afterlife

F: 372: 18 - 55 Days at Peking
Friday, 6:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 8 Billy Molyneaux, Period: Colonial, Scale: 28mm, Rules: 55 Days at Peking
The year is 1900 the city of Peking and the legations of several foreign governments are under attack by the Righteous Harmonious fist aka The Boxers! Take command as the boxer leaders or the European western forces trying to hold out for 55 Days or 11 turns in game scale. Over 500 figures will be on the table and a vast city has been built for this exciting game! This is a fast pace game using one page of rules with a mix of BAB and TSATF systems.

F: 174: 19 - The Struggle for Omaruru (German South-West Africa, 1904)
Friday, 7:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 6  Roy Jones, Recreational Conflict  Period: Colonial, Scale: 25mm, Rules: Sword and the Flame (Modified)
The Hereros hold the German garrison town of Omaruru; the Kaiser wants it back! But Herero riflemen are defending in depth from stone fieldworks and strong points, with their usual courage and skill. A tough job awaits Hauptmann Franke's elite 2nd Feldkompagnie. From the scenario book "The Herero War". More at: www.hererowars.com.

S: 109: 10 - Frostgrave in the Grim Dark future
Saturday, 10:00:00 AM, 3 hrs Players: 6  Charles Kline, Period: Future, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Frostgrave, Ghost Archipelago (with minor modifications)
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only FROSTGRAVE! Lead your band of determined warriors as they investigate the ruins of an abandoned outpost on a barren planet. But beware, others bands are on their way to pilfer what secrets the city may hold. Will your team survive the perils that lurk in the unknown ruins and outsmart (or out-fight) your rivals?

S: 177: 10 - A Pennsylvania Pete Adventure - In Search of Nefertiti's Jewels
Saturday, 10:00:00 AM, 4 hrs Players: 4 Annemarie D'Amato, Period: Pulp, Scale: 25mm, Rules: Audacious Adventures
We find PA Pete in the desert city of El Mashitty. He is looking for clues in order to find Nefertiti's Jewels. Rumor has it that the Jewels are worth a Pharaoh's ransom. Of course, Pete is not alone searching for the Jewels. Will PA Pete find his treasure or will trouble find him. Come join PA Pete in his latest adventure.

S: 241: 10 - Bucanneer Wars
Saturday, 10:00:00 AM, 3 hrs Players: 8 Brian Whitaker, Old Glory Shipyard Period: War of 1812, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Bucanneer Wars
Command your ship and sail for glory. Support your admiral and be mentioned in the dispatches. All rules will be taught. Cabin boys and girls are welcome.

S: 381: 11 - The Dwarf King's Last Stand
Saturday, 11:00:00 AM, 3 hrs Players: 6Francis Grice,
Period: Fantasy, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Kings of War
After questing to recover a family heirloom from the northern wilderness, the Dwarf King Olaf finds himself hunted by two feuding Twilight Elven armies. Defeat is inevitable, but can he hold on long enough in the snow to immortalize his name in legend? The game will use the Kings of War rules set, with streamlined explanations, unit stats, and rules summaries provided to keep the focus on playing the game and having fun.

S: 426: 14 - Picnic Panic Walk Up Demo (Kid Friendly)
Saturday, 2:00:00 PM, 2 hrs Players: 8 Ben Rubin,
Period: Fantasy, Scale: 25mm, Rules: Picnic Panic
Come try Picnic Panic, the game of ant warfare. Command a tribe of ants, each with its own unique abilities and advantages, as you wage war over a treasure trove of candy left by careless humans. Play as the noble firstborn, the strong horned ants, the undead black ants, or the hard fighting, hard partying nomants. Eat the candy you capture. Fastplay, easy to learn introduction to the hobby. Adults welcome with playing child. No ticket required.

S: 219: 15 - Toughest in the French Foreign Legion
Saturday, 3:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 5 Walt Siko,
Period: Early 20th Century, Scale: 28mm, Rules: Death in the Sand
As we open the pages of our latest volume, we find a brave Major and his command of veteran Legionnaires defending a remote desert outpost. Ruthless Arab warlords have vowed to rid the sands of the foreign infidels. The Majo' s Legionnaires are undaunted, despite the plumes of sand on the horizon, warning them danger is drawing near!

S: 391: 15 - Plastic Parrots Puzzle Pirates
Saturday, 3:00:00 PM, 2 hrs Players: 8  Geoff Graff,
Period: Age of Piracy, Scale: LEGO, Rules: Plastic Pirates
After years of trying to make a living by stealing -- uhhhh -- acquiring other people's property those Little Lego Looters have decided make an honest buck. So what do they try ?? Gathering the beautiful island parrots and selling them tomerchants for the European trade. But how to get them? We ALL know these means problems.

S: 436: 20 - A Piece of the Action: Battle of Twycross 3052
Saturday, 8:00:00 PM, 4 hrs Players: 6  Mark Kochte,
Period: SciFi, Scale: 1:285 micro, Rules: Alpha Strike
The Year of Peace was over, the Clans were once again on the move. In this, the 5th Wave of the Inner Sphere invasion, Clan Steel Viper, who had to sit back and watch during the first 4 Waves, finally got to do some fighting. One target was the Federated Commonwealth world of Twycross, the site of the Jade Falcons most humiliating defeat during an earlier wave. Can the Steel Vipers pull off what the Jade Falcons were unable? Or will the FedCom defenders repel this new Clan attack?

Z: 341: 10 - Dragon Hunt
Sunday, 10:00:00 AM, 3 hrs Players: 8  Eric Schlegel,
Period: Fantasy, Scale: 25mm, Rules: Blood & Swash (Fantasy)
The dragon spawning ground has been located and many intrepid adventurers are heading there in order to reap the substantial rewards offered for dragon skin, blood, eggs or most of all, a live dragon. Do you dare to risk life and limb for a chance at fame and fortune? Players under 13 welcome with a playing adult.

Fall-In! 2019 is November 14-17 at the Valley Forge Casino Resort, King of Prussia, PA

Lost Dispatches of Feraso #46 - The Royal Republic of Argivia

23rd of the Month of NonDec in the Imperial Year of 1023

Town of Veles, Royal Republic of Argivia

To His Lordship, Viscount Wilifrick of Verbobonc,

As we took two days to descend from the mountains around Pelister into the low country of Argivia, I was amazed how beautiful the countryside was.  Mountains gave way to hills, and hills gave way to undulating waves of pasture and agriculture.  

Our guide since we departed Feraso City, Simon Balasz, has a knack for only speaking the wrong phrases in their native tongue, Xellnic, but somehow, after a drink in the face, a knee in the groin, or a martial stand-off, somehow he knows a trickle of Imperial Trade Tongue shows up and smooths things over. 

The Tower of Zhojenica in Epirubella

By some luck of the spirits, and the pity of the locals, we arrived in the trade town of Veles.   Simply based on the knowledge that the town was named after the petty local god of wine, music, and cattle, we established our operations here to rest a bit and to learn more about the culture

I've already relayed Argivia's proclivity to unearthed strange and unusual artifacts, but it's system of government bewilder and terrifies me even more.

Argivia eschews most forms inherited nobility and relies on a Royal Republic to govern the masses.  Their Senate is very akin to a council of nobles, where the power of the noble create the powers of the king, emperors, krugrafs.  Instead of nobles, Argivia picks men of status, landowners, mercantile leaders to meet at the capital of Argive.  The wisest and bravest of the realms arrive to vote on all sorts of initiatives.  Royal Treasury funding, public works, roads, bridges, everything is thoroughly debated before being subject to a vote.

King Phillipian isn't the true sovereign of the realm, he's more a hereditary administrator, conducting day to day business along with his administrators while the Senate decides the critical decisions and direction of the Royal Republic.

The only thing I've found similar are the alleged stories of Crown Prince Phyrrus, a young man who, like similar men of noble or royal blood, assumes his future power is much more than it is, all the while creating great expenses, lavish parties, and lambasting the Senate for their ineptitude while calling for the absolute power of the throne.

Lucky for them, this form of government was well-established before the first spoiled brat of a monarch spoke up, much less the day they uncovered the first artifacts.

In local affairs, I'm used to religious governors taking over Ras-Prythax or military commanders by the highest ruler.  Argivian governors are appointed by the King, neither military nor divine, and approved by a vote of the Senate. for 5 year terms.  The gentleman is charge of the province Veles is in is named Sturgis Zurleas.   A family member of a prominent merchant family in the capital, he struck out on his own with his own trading company and had traveled most of the Mer Medi before the King recalled him back to the civic duties he performs now.  We were invited to his house multiple times to exchange stories and drink wine.  He had decorated his mansion, not in the Argivian artifacts, but in the cultures of Aegypt, Tripolis, and even the esoteric Senzar Empire in the distant west.  Fascinating stories that I will relay in future letters.

Back to these artifacts.  Veles is full little magical devices to help with day to day operations.  A magical spoon that stirs itself, a magical butter churns that continues to work while you walk away and perform another task.  Brilliant pieces of magicks that would appear beneath the skill and prestige of the wizard able to construct it. My personal favorite was a bag of holding that could only hold 500 coins, but it was affixed with a tiny magic mouth that could announce when the bag was full, as well as at any time, the breakdown of copper, silver, gold, and even platinum coins inside.  A few of these were used in the larger trading houses and general stores in the town.  I still wonder how those are not the immediate target of thieves.

Our history text describe this as a buffer area beyond the direct influences of Barthey or Feraso, so I'm completely confused as to why these artifacts are here.

The Royal Republic has earned the title not of re-creating these devices, but they have learned how to reclaim and repair them.  Not true artisans, but blacksmiths restoring these marvels.

The Argivian word for discovering knowledge from old treasure is called archaeology.  It's almost as maddening as their form of government.

These devices are the a source of trade, along with the dates, olives, wool, and sufficient regular mining ores and gems.

The god of wine, music, and cattle must have decided we have worn out our welcome after these few weeks, because for the last five days, weaker earthquakes affected the area.  With the ground shaking and the air getting colder, we decided it was best to purchase horses and travel furthers sourth, specifically into Danaan.

This morning, before we left, we were greeted by confusion in the streets, a solemn Governor Sturgis at our door, and a dark cloud erupting from the north.

It's in the exact direction we came from Pelister.   The Draknor has claimed victims for its own alien needs.  Akana did not hear my prayers.

Yours in Service,

Sir Elsderth Greyhawk, Lord of Greywhawk
Sage of the The Order of Merit, 
Sellsword - Extraordinaire
Wielder of the Legendary Betrayer.
Defilier of the Temple of Tiamat.
Freigraff of the Totenlinden of Amberstoll.

DM Notes:  Two adventuring parties could not resolve the "Thunder Under Needlespire" so the end result is the destruction of not only Burrok and the Ithillid outpost, but Pelister and the deaths of hundreds or thousands of people.   Adventures are not locked in stasis.  

The best news of the situation is that the volcanic eruption will not damage Veles, although the governor wisely monitors the outstanding flocks of sheep that have still not come down off the hills for the winter.   And the Order of Merit are on their way to less volcanic, much warmer, and even more republican dealings in Danaan.  

And one last adventure.

Next: #47 - The Philosopher Kings and Warrior Monks of Danaan

(346/123)

(Kickstarter) Dangerous Damsels 28mm by Pulp Miniatures

Pulp Figures, through Crucible Crush, has launched a Kickstarter for Dangerous Dames 28mm Miniatures.

A pledge of $125 (Canadian... about $95 American) nets you six new sets of Pulp Figures, plus a free limited edition sculpt of "Crash" Callahan on her motorcycle.

The campaign ending on October 22nd is a bit of a nuisance with my finances that are up in the air, but the ability to pledge even a dollar or two cheaper than the usual Bob Murch/Pulp Figures buy five, get one free promotion is still pretty sweet. 

And here I was just thinking I was short female figures for the girls' Pulp Alley leagues.  Might want to plan some games for the Summer.

Exploding Dice Have Nothing on This

Trivium Games thought nothing of transporting three PALETTES of Chessex Dice back to their office to be used for an upcoming game.   Take one turn a little too sharply, and *BOOM!*  216,000 dice, about half the order, come crashing down on the highway.  

Talk Like a Pirate Day 2019

Your Stanley Cup Champion Seattle Dragons

The blog is rife with excuses for basketball trips, family functions, and wet basements, but the steadiest excuse is late night Franchise mode for NHL19. 

I got a copy of the game for either my birthday or Father's Day and my weakness for sports games has always been Franchise Mode.  Back in college, I'm notorious for setting up the new Cleveland Browns as my franchise team and ultimately playing all 30 seasons.  After jettisoning the likes of Ty Detmer and Tim Couch, I had a playoff contender by year five and a team that would dwarf the legendary Miami Dolphins perfect season by year ten and on.

Of course, that was all in Rookie Mode. 

With NHL19, I went the logical route and set up a franchise with the last logical slot for an expansion draft:  the Seattle Dragons (a good foil for the previously new Vegas Golden Knights).... at middle difficulty (Pro).

After a ho-hum expansion draft and a flurry of free agents signings and cheap trades for some of my favorite recent NHL/AHL Penguins (Hagelin, Kuhnackel, Ryan Reeves, Tim Erixon, and Joseph Cramarossa), I began the season.... and it was rough. 

Having never played any sports video games for a good 15 years, the first half of the season was.... rough, but in a tight Pacific Division, my seventh place standing gave me the farthest on the outside chase of snagging a wild card bearth. 

And as the trade deadline loomed, and I tried to see-saw between accumulating picks or giving some away for some missing pieces. 

But two or three days away from the deadline, the Detroit Red Wings offered Gustav Nyquist for two draft picks, I bit, and the whole world changed. 

I had been playing better before the trade, but afterwards, the Dragons began a slow climb to not only be an fringe playoff contender, but a 12-2-1 run at the end catapulted me to 2nd in the Pacific, with home ice for the opening series against Edmonton.

The playoffs were a blur of near perfection (16-4 for the Dragons, and 16-2 for their Boise Ice Drakes affiliate to win the Stanley Cup). 

I did a celebratory dance, resigned most of my players, somehow won the Tyler Seguin free agency sweepstakes.  A few simple trades to unload some underperforming stars on immense contracts and my Stanley Cup winning first line has been relegated to the second line.   I've realized during year two preseason that  the the next level above pro is insane to play, so I'll happily stay average (if any dear reader caught the first period of the Penguins-Sabres preseason game at State College, it felt a lot like that...)

Good news, with real live hockey back in the picture, plus a full slate of basketball and dance on top of my insane work schedule, my Stanley (and Calder) Cup defense will probably be in limbo for awhile.

Lost Dispatches of Feraso #45 -Thunder Under Needlespire

17th of the Month of SepDec in the Imperial Year of 1023

Town of Pelister, Royal Republic of Argivia

To His Lordship, Viscount Wilifrick of Verbobonc,

After getting dropped off by the Cloud Giant flying longship, we said farewell to the ever cheerful, always mercenary,  bugbear Captain Tirrann.

The walk down to the village took most of the afternoon.  No sooner than we entered the unwalled town that we were accosted a group of locals.  None appeared to be able to speak the Imperial trade tongue (the horror!), but assuming we could handle foreign cultists who were happy to see us, we followed them to a local inn to meet with a gnome.

The gnome was Pevuss Corkburst, a merchant by trade.  He had claimed the nearby gnomish mining community of Burrok his home, but in recent weeks, things had fallen asunder.

Before I explain the distress of Burrok, let me explain their concept of "mining."  At some point in ancient history, a civilization far more advanced than the current Argivians, inhabited the land.  I have yet to attach a name to this realm, but there was a great cataclysm and all peoples and memories were wiped out.  With the expansion of Argivia came the discovery of many magical relics.  Some had incredible powers, and are now under the protection of the Royal Vault of Argivia.  Others are as pedestrian as magical rocks to keep your hands warm during mountain hiking, or even a continual light spell cast on a torch, with a device to turn it "off."  Humans historically have excavated sites above ground, while gnomes and a handful of dwarves have dug in sites that are obviously exhausted mines.

Burrok was a few mile underground.  While Pelister had felt a number of earthquakes in recent memory, each one had potential catastrophic effects in Burrok.

A while back, a group of adventurers was hired to further investigate the earthquakes, and claimed to have removed the problem.  After a few weeks of calm, a sizable earthquake has struck the region.  Pevuss has been unable to venture deep within the caves, and is desperate to ask someone brave to investigate... for a decent fee.

Since I've begun my travels, I've had the good fortune to talk to a number of "professional" adventurers who simply follow the legends and lore to the next dungeon, catacomb, and abandoned castle, in the search for treasure.  Many mention the vast natural cave and tunnel networks that are under our feet, and serve as the highways and turnpikes for the World Below.

Having now ventured those caves, I can assure you that I do not wish to become a "professional."

Hiring a brave (of foolish) local named Maksim to help translate Argivian and Gnomish (I've seen Morag the dwarf speak gnomish, and the results weren't diplomatic) as well as carry all of our torches, we dove into the tunnel towards Burrok.

Maksim

I'm certain the path to Burrok was once a clean route, but the earthquake had caved in numerous portions of the network, and lack of traffic had attracted a number of natural underground species.

Commander HouseKarl had down some dungeoneering in his youth, but it still wasn't enough to avoid shriekers, sentient fungus? that emit an ear splitting screaming pitch when you get too close.  Piercers, rocky fungus that replicate stalagmites... or stalagtites, the rocky formation on the roof of caves, would attempt to drop on their victims, impale them, and feast on their prey's innards.

And anything that wasn't a rock, or a killer fungus camouflaged as a rock was some mold or slime wishing to eat our armor or infect our lungs.  I don't care what treasures are down here.  To live here long term is mind destroyer.

We finally reached Burrok, which, being a gnome town, was four foot high in many locations.   Most of the common housing caves had collapsed, but we did find a few survivors milling about.

The leader of the survivors was bald gnome named Gavin Wellharn.  The only member of the council of elders to make it through the last earthquake, he had given order to pack up and leave... soon.

He retold the last few weeks.  Between the frequency of the earthquakes and their scouts detecting some beings called Ithillids, the council decide to hire a group of adventurers to solve the issue.  Obviously these vile beasts were the cause of the earthquakes.

Everyone was excited when they swiftly returned with bodies as proof that they successfully slayed them all.  We were impressed,  paid them their handsome fee with sapphires, garnets, and some artifact tech, and the were on their merry way.

The scouts detected no more of these creatures, but the earthquakes restarted a few days later.

For some reason beyond my understanding, we agreed to search the alleged area of these "Ithillids" and if they were all gone, venture further into this never-ending darkness to see if there was a reason for these earthquakes.

And I thought I assembled this group....

Gavin led us to the outskirts of the Ilthillid outpost and left to return to Burrok.   More cavern collapses, more dead sentient fungus, although I hope my eyes deceived me that these had arms and legs.

Entering the camp of these beings, I got my first horrid look of a dead Illithid.  These creatures were badly burned, but the twisted head, inhuman looks, and squid-like arms coming out of their mouths were disgusting.

We caught a group of them scavenging through some of their ruined camp.  Before I could even begin to speak, my head felt like it was being crushed by two stones.  Everyone else also succumbed to this strange effect overwhelming us.

Everyone else but Andrei.

Since I met him, I knew Andrei had fancied himself a bit of arcane hobbyist.  On our journeys, he was usually the one we gave the forbidden tomes and recently-deceased evil spellcaster's magic books to.  I've seen him perform a number of spells that were certainly above mere parlor tricks.

But I've never seen him cast a fireball before, much less the two he threw at the Ithillids.

Some seemed completely unfazed my the magical inferno, but others were quickly incinerated, just like the bodies we had already discovered.

The others quickly scampered further into darkness.  Still recovering from the attack on our minds, another one hit us, with a loud booming voice inside our heads, "Akuloth demands an audience to speak."

Realizing this thing was possibly reading our minds, we agreed to a meeting.

Ithillids are over seven foot tall, so to see one well over nine was quite daunting.  Seeing him (it?) next to a Beholder, we hoped he didn't sense our sudden loss of confidence.

Akuloth was the commander on a scientific expedition.  Zhamthrul the beholder was his assistant in the matter.   "We're not the ones causing the earthquakes, but we know what is!  Stop killing us with fire!

Akuloth described a large beast even further deeper underground that either growing into adulthood and laying eggs.  Regardless of the scenario, the action was causing the earthquakes, which were interfering with their experiments.

They had already been raided by a different adventuring party, led by an elf, and a female human wizardress whose power was much greater than Andrei. They ransacked the place and fled before the Ithillids could organize a counter-attack.  By the time they could, the earthquakes started again.

I've got a sneaking suspicion that we've crossed paths with the handiwork of Talanth Blackash once again.

We did get directions to discover this "Draknor" the Ithillids insisted we kill.  We got to the edges of its lair, only to find super-hot temperatures, giant undulating pools of red hot substance Morag called magma with humongous squid arms... tentacles moving through it without discomfort.  There were no signs of a head, or even a body.  The Order quickly fell in line with my decision to return to the surface as fast as possible.

My Lord, I must admit to one horrible deed that day.  We successfully sneaked past the Ithillid and gnome camps to the outside.   I dispatched the rest of the Order of Merit back to Pelister, and once they were sufficiently down the mountain, I pulled the elemental stone I found in Old Illefarn many moons ago, and I recited the chant inscribed on it.

Without any way to control it, I simply ran out of the cave.  I could hear the elemental entity ravaging the tunnels, and I assume the survivors within.  I doubt it could defeat the Draknor, but it did seal up what little access remained for the mine.

May Akana show mercy on our Gnomish friends, and some protection from the Ithillids and the Draknor.

Yours in Service,

Sir Elsderth Greyhawk, Lord of Greywhawk
Sage of the The Order of Merit, 
Sellsword - Extraordinaire
Wielder of the Legendary Betrayer.
Defilier of the Temple of Tiamat.
Freigraff of the Totenlinden of Amberstoll.

DM Notes:  Blackash's crew?  They got VERY lucky.  Thendara Wandsregal, the only Name-Level character in the party,  got the jump on the mind flayers, and instead of injuring 2 or 3 with a fireball (magic resistance plus save), she killed 10 of the 35.  Mind flayer attacks only took the Drunken Warrior, who was equally ineffective.  The entire expedition (including  Akuloth and Zhamthru... not the drow military commander... he perished as well).  were chased into the Underdark.  The ithillids had only just returned prior to the last earthquake, and the cave-ins killed six more.   The mind flayers are injured, confused, and full of fear... and Andrei just got lucky again with the rolls.  

Spoiler alert: Neither group succeeded in the mission, so we'll follow up on this in a future episode. 

Andrei started the story as a translator and guide for Nevskia, but has been an integral part of the group and of the story.  Better suited to be a Nevskian priest, or perhaps a Galmar Elemental Shaman, Andrei was the odd man to collect the magic items the fighters, barbarians, thieves, and clerics were using.  And he hasn't had enough time to go over the spells from Sazor's spellbook!  

Yes, Argivia is taken directly from Magic: The Gathering.  I never knew exactly where this adventure took place in Georic, but with the Lost Dispatches storyline progressing as it is, and Danaan being our last destination, Argivia is a logical spot.  Danaan is more the classic Greece you come to expect from Greek Mythology and Philosophy.  Argivia, like the land in Magic, is a nation built atop a much earlier and more advanced civilization and they are trying to take advantage of everything they can find. 

Thunder Under Needlespire comes from Dungeon #24. 

Next: #46 The Royal Republic of Argivia

Gaming with the Gnomies Tenth Anniversary

Ten years ago, I started compiling all my little gaming thoughts on this blog.  Almost 3,000 posts, over 400,000 page views later, the blog has a lifeforce all its own.

I know I didn't know back then that Gaming with the Gnomies would divert into a lot more roleplaying, a lot more Pulp, but at the same time, lots of focus on HMGS cons, Mepacons, and a monthly listing of new gaming.

The first-ever pic of a gnome on this blog. Yes the unit did get finished.

No Game Tonight

It's not often I get to use these memes....

For once, everyone knows ahead of time that the Monday night game is cancelled.  But I won't be drinking, after an early commute to travel to corporate, I have triple the drive back to the home office, only to run home, slap on a hockey sweater and drive to State College with the family for the Penguins-Sabres pre-season game tonight. 

I'm sure we're all going to be rays of sunshine tonight.

Lots of garage cleaning this weekend, so no games.  I am happy to admit that after twenty-seven and a half years, the "actual play" of my high school AD&D game is written up and scheduled to to posted along with the usual "Lost Dispatches" sometime next month. 

That doesn't mean it's the last episode regarding the Talanth Blackash (through the stylistic writings of Sir Elsderth Greyhawk).  I'll be posting stats and equipment in later posts, which brings up the amusing thing of the process.  Since I haven't got any of the character sheets after 27 years, I spend a good portion of last night reviewing the adventures to make sure they earned enough xp to end up the levels I remember them at.  Good times, but Im just old school enough that I consider this fun. 

I also have to admit that, while Lotus 1-2-3 on a giant desktop might not be fun when this originally happened, using the spreadsheet on Google Docs made this process way too easy.

And as I finish this up and leave for work, Marco Pecota at Raybox Games just gave me the Dropbox link to start playtesting the 2nd Edition of Legions of Steel.

I might leave that fun for after the hockey game. 

(Kickstarter) The Lovecraft Country Holiday Collection by Golden Goblin Press

It's been a week of long hours at work, and late nights.  I had planned on turning in "early" for the first time in days, but lo' and behold, Oscar Rios on Facebook Live, counting down to the midnight launch of Golden Goblin Press' latest Kickstarter, The Lovecraft Country Holiday Collection.

This Kickstarter is a two-book set, a collection of 1920's 7th edition Call of Cthulhu scenarios along with six story fiction companion, both with adolescent protagonists.

Oscar always does solid communication, a solid campaign, and most importantly, a fantastic product, so I might as well bite for digital and physical copies of the books.

It's not Tales of the Lincoln Highway, but I will pine away in a corner, dreaming of a world where that becomes a reality. 

(Call of Cthulhu) Whiskey Tango Rattlesnake

It's tough makin' a living makin' music. 

It's even harder when your Brass 'n Skins, a three man crew out of Big Tuna, Texas trying to make it in Eastern Arkansas.  Forged from the fires of Texas Fried Rock, multiple members of Brass had succumbed to the pleasures and tortures of the road, and the three remaining weren't the best match.

Phinneus Stumpy had perfect pitch and played a mean washboard bass and not much else.

Pritchard, was as cool with the trumpet player and lead vocals as he was awesome practicing going Walker, Texas Ranger on somebody's ass.

Thorton "Short Stick" Hoolihan was the ringleader.  Gifted with a silver tongue for speaking, not singing, he would have headed up some kind of grift, if he wasn't a complete idiot.  He formed the band with his crew of encyclopedia salesmen and shysters, and his certain "sav-our fairy" with bar owners, the ladies, and his band members kept him on stage, playing the bongos. 

The next gig out in Tipton Bend, Tennessee wasn't a make or break moment for the band, but their transportation might be life or death. 

Their latest vehicle was a fancy Eye-Talian moped, Short Stick driving, pulling a two-wheeled trailer behind it, holding Pritchard, Phinneus, and the instrument. 

It might not take a rocket scientist to figure the moped wouldn't make the forty-plus mile trek into Tennessee, but none of these fellas had passed a science class in school, so it came as a great surprise to them, when it died on the side of the road.

Like it was mentioned, they weren't completely destitute, so a hundred bucks at Ron's Discount Dental Plans and Used Cars got them a body-rotted El Camino.  Short Stick short, Pritchard grabbed shotgun, and Phinneus toss the washtub of instruments in the truck bed and gleefully held on, still wearing the moped helmet and goggles... with a cowboy hat atop it. 

The inside of the car was a mess before they got the keys, with food wrappers, empty bottles, and other questionable messes strewn everywhere..

Even though the travel from Arkansas to Tipton was a pretty straight shot that resembled a "U on the map, none of the guys had gotten that far in the alphabet.  Short Stick asked Pritchard to check the glovebox for a map of some sort, and he obliged, only to have a rattlesnake fly out of it and latch onto his neck!

The next ensuing seconds were pure chaos, Pritchard wildly thrashing about in the car, Phinneus trying unsuccessfully to reach in through the sunroof to pull the snake off, and Short Stick desperately trying to maintain control of the vehicle.  Finally, the madness was too much and the El Camino drove off the road, hit an embankment and went airborne. 

Phinneus flew out the back, holding onto the washtub full of instruments, Pritchard dove out the door, snake still sticking to his neck, poison seeping further into his body. 

Short Stick stayed in the car, and by a miracle kept the car upright with little damage.  The only witnesses to this driving prowess was a random goat and two people manning a random produce stand. 

The woman of the pair rushed to Pritchard to see what was the matter.  Right before she attempted to remove the snake, she asked him, "Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"

Pritchard could only mutter, "Of course I do," and in return the woman retorted, "Well, with those tattoos, ya ain't Pentecostal enough for me, and promptly ripped the snake off of him, blood spraying everywhere. 

Somehow, Short Stick took control of the situations, applied some mediocre first aid and smoothed things over with old church lady Rachel and her husband Sam.  He even managed to get a bushel of peaches at a cut rate price, but he couldn't win this woman over to help. 

"You smell like hooch, and that's the devil's work."

Pritchard: "He likes a road soda now and again, but he wasn't drinking right now." 

As things calmed down, everyone could smell the booze, soaking the crotch of his pants."

Pritchard: "Whiskey crotch is a whole nother story!"

Investigating the El Camino, they found the bottle whiskey, that had been stuffed among the trash in the front seat, the car acrobatics forcing it to move and leak everywhere. 

They also found .38 revolver under the seat, a terrarium behind the seat, and a strange box in the bed of the car with a weird symbol on the top.

Inside the box were just a bunch of rocks.

Phinneus: "It's that symbol for an A-Tomic bomb, but it's just a bunch of rocks.  It ain't glowing like Uranius."

Pritchard: "Maybe if you eat the rocks, you'll grow a second Uranus!"

Then the Sheriff showed up.

Sheriff Julio was out of place here in Arkansas. a large, broad shoulder Hispanic man with a heavy accent and a single teardrop tattoo under his eye, he saw the blood, the gun, and the radioactive material and pulled his gun. 

Short Stick tried to weasel his way out of the scenario by offering to play some cool selections to appease the Sheriff, but the instruments were too damaged to play.  Only Pritchard's trumpet put up a good effort, but his attempt at Mongolian throat singing wore out any good will that there was.

At some point Pritchard had passed out, and the he awoke to find them all in a cramped jail cell in Hayward.   He had been bandaged up and given anti-venom by the Sheriff and the group was given the list of charges they had been arrested for:

• Possession of a stolen vehicle (Ron didn't get it as a trade-in
• Transporting an open container of liquor 
• Operating a vehicle with a suspended license. 
• Attempting to transport exotic animals across state lines.
• Possession of an unlicensed firearm.  

But all was forgiven if they could solve a problem the locals had... meth-gators. 

The good folk upriver on the Mississippi had been subject to a lot of federal raids for drugs, and those that were fast enough were dumping tons of meth down the toilet, into the sewer lines, and one into the local rivers and the Mississippi itself.   All these drugs were creating "Meth-Gators, super aggressive, super-strong reptiles that were wrecking havoc downriver.  Destroy the gators, and all would be forgiven. 

Given some crossbows, the keys to a late-model Ford F150, and a satchel of dynamite, the band left to deal with the meth-gators. 

There was a lot of confusion as to the alleged near-human intelligence of the alligators. 

Short Stick: "How smart are these meth-gators?"

Pritchard: "He might be good with the ones twos and fours...."

Phinneus: "No those are MATH gators, completely different."

Of course, the guys put themselves behind the 8-ball, Pritchard tripping over his two feet while holding a loaded crossbow, and accidentally shooting Short Stick in the ass. 

The best news for the band was that meth affected alligators like people. Fewer teeth was a bit safer for them, but a gator's jaw snapping down, even if they were gumming the men, would not be pleasant. 

The fight for the alligator lair was epic.  Short Stick was shirtless, wrestling the crazed beasts.  Phinneus had found sledgehammer in the bed of the truck and used that on the animals.   Pritchard found himself with a jammed crossbow, and in one of many foolish moments turned the crossbow towards himself like one looking down a barrel of a gun, and the device went off, killing him instantly. 

It took the better part of the day, but with great effort, and a small fire from combustible meth chemicals in the water, the meth-gators were exterminated and Short Stack and Phinneus brought back proof.

Sheriff Julio dropped all charges, "gave" them the truck (although he kept the Uranium), and on they left for Tipton Bend.

But not before grabbing another band member for the gig.  Pritchard's sister Hennie played a mean fiddle.    Brass 'n Skins was dead.  Long live The Mississippi Clam.

The arrived with plenty of time to set-up and as they relaxed before coming out, Short Stick and Phinneus traded notes on the day. 

Short Stick: "You know, we didn't even use the dynamite on those gators.  I wonder where it went?"

The bar manager was just finishing introductions, and a request to look out for a missing bar patron, who hadn't been seen in a number of days.  He drove an old El Camino.

Phinneus, as the group walks out on stage, "Don't know...."

Behind him was an impressive set-up of blasting caps and dynamite hooked up around the stage.  The new band was going to finally be able to afford those fancy pyrotechnics. 

Keeper Notes:  Nothing like making characters for a sequel to "Electric Hoe-Down of the Atomic Reptile Bikini Women in 3-D!" from World of Cthulhu #4.   Slightly more elaborate character than "Lite Beer" from the original game.  

And in proper "ripped from the headlines" like an Law and Order episode,this covers not one, but two tales of the weird recently in the news:

Police in Oklahoma say they found an open container of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey, a rattlesnake, a gun and a canister of radioactive powdered uranium during a traffic stop of a vehicle that had been reported stolen.

The stop occurred at 11 a.m. on June 26 in Guthrie, Oklahoma, about 30 miles north of Oklahoma City, Sgt. Anthony Gibbs of the Guthrie Police Department told NBC News on Thursday.

Stephen Jennings, 40, who was in the driver's seat, and passenger Rachael Rivera, 30, were arrested, Gibbs said.

Stephen Jennings was arrested after finding a rattlesnake, a canister of radioactive uranium and an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey during a traffic stop in Guthrie, Oklahoma.Guthrie Oklahoma Police Department via AP

Jennings is charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor, operating a vehicle with a suspended license, and failure to carry a security verification form. Rivera is charged with possession of a firearm after a former felony conviction.

The gun was found in the console and a terrarium containing the pet Timber rattlesnake was in the back seat.

The uranium, which Gibbs said can be purchased legally in some states, was not weapons-grade. It is unclear why it was in the vehicle or how it was obtained, he said.

And in another part of Tennsessee:
A police department in Loretto, Tennessee, is asking residents to refrain from flushing drugs, such as methamphetamine, down the toilet to prevent "meth-gators."

In the Facebook post, the Loretto Police Department wrote that on Saturday, officers executed a search warrant on a home and discovered the occupant trying to flush meth and drug paraphernalia down his toilet.

Police in Tennessee are asking residents not to flush drugs, such as methamphetamine, down the toilet to prevent "meth-gators."make its way into Shoal Creek, down the Tennessee River in North Alabama and into the bodies of alligators.

"Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama," police wrote. "They’ve had enough methed up animals the past few weeks without our help. So, if you need to dispose of your drugs just give us a call and we will make sure they are disposed of in the proper way."