Radish and Run

 

Ancient Country-Folk-Punk Lyrics – "Radish and Ruin"

(A lost classic from the pre-apocalypse band The Howlin’ Hoedown Mutants.)

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(Fast strumming on a rusty banjo, distorted electric fiddle kicks in.)

[Verse 1]
I was born in a fallout shack,
Runnin’ from the law with a burlap sack,
Mama said, “Boy, don’t trust no man,”
Daddy got robbed by a three-eyed ram!

(YEE-HAW! Fiddle solo.)

[Chorus]
Radish and ruin, dust in my veins,
Whiskey and tumbleweeds, rattlin’ chains!
The world burned down, but we still get paid,
Singin’ outlaw tunes in the mutant parade!

[Verse 2]
Met a girl down in Fair-Town Square,
One good eye and piranha-hair!
She stole my heart and my gasoline,
Left me broke in a war machine!

(Harmonica screeches, sudden mandolin breakdown.)

[Bridge]
Ohhh, the wasteland calls my name,
Vultures fly and the sky don’t rain,
If I don’t make it past the gate,
Tell my radish crop I’ll be home late!

[Final Chorus – Twice as fast]
Radish and ruin, dust in my veins,
Whiskey and tumbleweeds, rattlin’ chains!
The world burned down, but we still get paid,
Singin’ outlaw tunes in the mutant parade!

(Song ends with an aggressive washboard solo, followed by a loud explosion in the distance.)

"The Ballad of the Mighty Leek"

 "The Ballad of the Mighty Leek"

(A haunting tune sung in dimly lit wasteland taverns, where mutants sip questionable moonshine and remember fallen heroes.)

(Slow, eerie strumming on a cracked-up acoustic guitar, with the occasional melancholic howl from a mutant wind in the background.)

---

[Verse 1]

Gather 'round, you mutants bold,
Hear a tale both dark and cold,
Of a hero tall and green,
A warrior lost to the cookfire’s steam.

[Chorus]

Oh, Mighty Leek, you fought so well,
Struck down by a dinner bell!
Blades and lasers could not fell,
But hunger rang your final knell…

(Low whistle solo, followed by the distant clang of a rusted pot lid.)

[Verse 2]

He led the charge with sharpened leaves,
Carved through foes like autumn sheaves,
Stood his ground in battle’s heat,
Till fate betrayed him to boiling defeat.

[Chorus – Soft, then rising]

Oh, Mighty Leek, you fought so well,
Struck down by a dinner bell!
Blades and lasers could not fell,
But hunger rang your final knell…

(Distant sound of a ladle stirring… the wind howls mournfully.)

[Bridge]

No grave remains, no stone to mark,
Just whispers carried through the dark,
They say his soul still stirs the pot,
A warrior’s spirit, forever hot.

[Final Chorus – Slow, fading]

Oh, Mighty Leek, you fought so well,
Struck down by a dinner bell…
Blades and lasers could not fell…
But hunger rang your final knell…

(Song ends with a single, eerie slurp sound… then silence.)

Roll for Bern

I try not to get political on this blog, but this year's election will determine how many world events will play out.

 

Save Versus Slant

It's been floating around the internet long enough, that I should post it here as well.
 

My minor nit-pick would be, if they were playing a real footbal game, APBA, which has been around over two decades before D&D was conceived, they wouldn't be rolling a d20.   Gygax would respect the game that much.

Why Dontcha Cut Off My Arms and Legs With a Chainsaw?

It's a never-ending battle here at the Estate de Viscount Eric.  Dogs are chewing apart gates, children are going to bed later and later, and a mother-in-law preparing to move has made my week glorious!  As part of the move, we grabbed a futon from her house to use in ours.  Not to bore anyone with details, but when moving the ridiculously heavy futon cushion, I dropped an entire ever heavier bookcase onto my left foot.  Sorry, no pictures, but it's a bloody and swollen mess, so my usual reprieves from family life (yard work and dog walk) are put on hold.

While I stumble around the house like Igor, there are some silver linings.  Drunk History has returned to Comedy Central, and I absolutely adore the actors staying in character yet speaking the lines of the drunk comedians.  It must be something from my "If you say it, your character says it," days of DMing.

And Weird Al is the greatest Hitler EVER!   I guess that's not surprsing, as the cover of his upcoming album, Mandatory Fun, has him dressed like this:

Painting is moving along nicely as well.  Sure, I only have one of my secret project figures done, and I did spill half a pot of Citadel Copper from 1999, but it's relaxing and enjoyable, and that's all that matters.   My background noise for painting has been the latest episode of the Miskatonic University Podcast as well as an epic four hour actual play of yet another convoluted episode of Masks.

And finally my character was accepted for the playtest of the new Delta Green rules I'll be at this Saturday.  Can't speak anything more about it, but when I can, I assure you the details will be marvel-ous.

Do You Want to Summon Shoggoths?

My Google-Fu isn't bringing up anything, but after seeing my friend Jugular Josh on Facebook talking about his 6-year old daughter mentioning Elder Signs to adults, I thought up this little ditty.

Do You Want to Summon Shoggoths?
(Sung to Do You Want to Build a Snowman.  If you don't know which movie this is from, you don't have kids).

Do you want to summon shoggoths?

I think the stars are right. 

Cthulhu's cultists have all run away,

I guess this ain't the night. 

I used to ride byakhees,

Divine with Azathoth,

Now I can't summon fish...

I'm getting eaten by a shoggoth

It's what I wish...

If my weekend is as boring as I anticipate, there may be another parody song coming soon, this time based off of "Let it Go."

Oh, and Oaken.  Totally a cult leader. 

Hellooo.... Big Summer Ritual Sacrifice...