(Gamma World) Not a Test #99 - Herding Goats and Friends

 Our heroes are back in Riverbend to celebrate the wedding of Lathar Bracken to Thunnelda

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Lathar Bracken: A pure-strain human from River Bend.  He's got the muscle, the face, and a mount for most encounters.  Lathar's trusty beast of burden, No Name, travels wherever he does.   Looking for trouble in all the right places. The two-time champion of the Fair-Town Queen's Joust.

Thunnelda Haycock:  A peculiar local woman, who has a penchant for wandering the surrounding territories for particular oddities, but has become the fiancé of Lathar. She is a day away from marrying the man of her dreams, Lathar.

Sneaky Pete: A mutated weasel scout.  Pete's telepathy and night vision take a backseat when he whips out his electrical powers.  Apparently addicted to his newly uncovered yellow powder found at "The Pool House"

Sonny Helianthus: a nearly 10' tall sentient sunflower artifact examiner with four arms, and trusted Restorationist ties. Knowledgeable,  but not a good one with device repairs or upgrades. 

Slitheran Wurmtail (aka Squiggles): a mutated earthworm scout, in impromptu power armor, looking for trouble in all the wrong places,  and finding it often.   He  has been subject to genetic testing and developed super-human strength, a more human body, and a thick coat of shaggy white hair.  He may be pregnant... again!

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One day before the wedding and things were in chaos.  Lathar and Thunnelda has sent a ton of invitations via messengers and only a few had replied in kind.  

Lathar's Aunt Bragga  and the rest of the Bone Crackers were scheduled to make a disappearance.  Grandma Helka had RSVP'ed by sending the messenger back, missing an arm.  She had survived five husbands, three mutant uprisings, and a fight with a cybernetic bear... and she one.  

Lathar had invited the town councils of Fair-Town and Riverbend, the Queen of Fair-Town, and even the jousters he had defeated, as well as a open invitation to the entire Kirothian community.  Even then he kept the a few other invitations close to the chest.

Pete had sent an open invitations to the Hissers across the river, plus the Artemus from the Brotherhood of Thought.

Sonny: Justinian and an entourage, plus a heartfelt letter to KIA Academy to have Ramsay visit.

Squiggles made sure his first generation offspring had a seat at the wedding.

Everyone knew that Lathar had lived with his mother since early on.  His father had disappeared in the Wild Lands, forcing Lathar to become the primary breadwinner.  What they didn't comprehend was that the woman in his family, especially down his mother's side, were all strong and unusual.  

Watching his Grandma Helka swim across the Big River on her war lizard put fear in everyone's hearts, but a twinge of joy in Lathar's.  She had outlived five husbands, three mutant uprisings, and a duel against a cybernetic bear... which she won.  Her level of badassery would be unmatched during the wedding. 

But instead of a joyful reunion, Helka rode up to the house, dismounted, handed the reins to Lathar, saying "Don't fuck this up," before wandering into town proper for the gods only knew. His aunt and her extended family, the "Bone-Crackers" could be seen in the distance, and despite a strong desire to hide, he embraced all that would come to his wedding.  He began walking outside of town to meet them.  

With Lathar indisposed with his extended family, a frantic Thunnelda rambled through the village, looking for anyone to help. She found a firmly planted Sonny. 

"Sonny, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny..... the wedding's off!!! It's horrible."

Sonny hadn't gotten time to buy new clothes after his boomfruit bomb incident, so he attended to act like a non-sentient sunflower in hopes that Thunnelda would away.

It didn't help.  There were no other nine and a half foot tall sunflowers in town. 

Sonny, deadpad:  "I'm so sorry it didn't work out.  You too were perfect for each other."

Thunnelda:  "Fucking Drago, I didn't even invite him, my brother did.  He's like a second cousin or something..."

Sonny: "So your cousin showed up and you don't want them here?"

Thunnelda:  No.... his fucking goats ran off with my bridal gown, and the special red sash I commissioned for Lathar. I paid for it with my own domars. Now both are gone!"

Sonny:  Oh....

Thunnelda had no time to amuse the fool that Sonny had become and ran off to find the others.  Pete and Squiggles had been tasked with acquiring two more tuns of turnip wine, unsure what had happened to the first two containers of the unsavory drink.  

The duo were also oblivious to Thunnelda's distress.  Pete:  "Hey Thunnelda.  Any particular reason why the turnip wine disappeared"

My cousin's goats got into it, got drunk and stole my wedding dress!!!

Drago's Goats

Pete and Squiggles tried to hem and haw, trying to figure out if the seamstress could whip up another dress.

"Enough of you.  You are worthless!"

Pete and Squiggles stood back.  The look of Thunnelda was crumbling away.  Lathar was the only one to abate the rage she manifested.  Then she picked up the weasel and shook him.

"GOATS STOLE MY WEDDING DRESS!  FIX IT!   NOW!"

Pete nodded in fear, "Okay!"

Pete dashed to grab No-Name.  He made a telepathic connection with the steed and mounted it.  Squiggles was waddling behind. "I am not walking to search for goats, no in this heat and in my condition."

Another voice spoke up as they started a trot.  "Hey, where are you going with No-Name?"

They turned to see their old Explorer teammate Ramsay, fresh from KIA Academy.

Ramsay

The ram was riding an odd, two-wheeled conveyance, that seem to move and stop as he adjusted his body.

Pete:  "Goats stole Thunnelda's wedding dress, and we have to recover it. Maybe you can talk to them."

Ramsay:  "We can't just inherently speak with random creatures. That's so racist." 

Squiggles:  Then just let them help us round them up!

Ramsay:  "Okay!"

The trio picked up the trail of twenty stampeding goats.  

Ramsay: "This is exciting... just like the old times!"

They managed to spot the goats in the woods, just before a clearing. One of the goats appears to be wearing a weeding with a beautiful red sash.  
 

The trio successfully circled the herd,.   Ramsay turned around, his back hooves up in the air, unsettling the goats, welcome by a loud fart.  A noxious yellow cloud emitted from the mountain goat. The cloud enveloped the first goat, dissolving it!  The other goats panicked away from the cloud. 

They weren't able to keep up with the rampaging goats.  

Lathar finally returned from his familiar duties, to find his beloved bride, a large hinge in each hand, somewhat akin to brass knuckles, pummeling the animals, particularly one wearing her wedding dress and a red sash, now torn.  There is some cheering.

Thunnelda finally wrestles the dress and sash off the corpse of the goat.  Lather quietly sauntered up to his bride, eyeing the sash.  "Is that for me?"

Thunnelda:  Where.... were.... you?

Lathar:  Final family stuff, before you're all my attention forever.  He hugs her... and everyone is amazed how she calms down, like they're truly meant for each other. 

There is a feast... a goat feast that night, as the friends and both families bonded.   As everyone went to their homes, the De Facto Explorers went into town, for one last hurrah as a single man.  

Drinks were poured, toasts were made, Pete trying to get rouse the group a bit more, teasing them of big surprises.   The rest give him shit-eating grin, confusing the weasel.

A large muscular arm drapes over Pete, "Is this ferret giving you guys trouble?"

Razorback had made the wedding.  

Razorback, from rougher times.

"I just missed you guys as your little shin-dig was wrapping up.  That's a literal fuck-ton of goat left over."  

Lathar: "That's a long story for after the wedding. It's been a day, my friend."

Pete convinced Lathar that he had acquired some particular ladies who would... dance for Lathar, but only if he was blindfolded.  Already half in the bag, Lathar agreed, ready for the delights.  

Thinking a young lady was going to grind up on him, Lathar was confused by mechanical sensations on his legs.  He quickly pulled off the blindfold to see an appearance of living metal RHA-9, trying to do it's best artificial sexy dance....

RHA-9

"Hello Lathar, long time no see, as you humans say.  Sorry I'm late, I had an invisible toll booth to take care of."

With that, the group began to disperse.  Pete was the last one with Lathar, making sure he walked through the fence gate for his family home.

Pete: "Rest up, my friend.  There's a whole lotta fun tomorrow.... Hey, who did you get to get you kids married?"

Lathar: "Don't worry, Friar Spiess confirmed he should arrive the morning of the wedding. "

GM Notes: The weird part of me wanted an AI image of the goats to highlight the thumbnail in the episode.  Not sure where I should drop in Gradma Helka, now that she's in town and missing, so I present the bad-ass woman here: 

Grandma Helka and her Battle Lizard of the Blasted Wastes

Next #100:  THE WEDDING!