Thursday, June 18, 2015

(Gnome Wars) The Thirty Beers War

Initially an internal trade dispute between the German city-states and principalities, the The Thirty Years War spread over most of Gnomekind from 1618-1648.

The German Biermakers Guild, one of the few unifying forces across Greater Germania, decided to restrict beer production to only thirty of the most popular styles.  This caused an uproar among local brewers, taverns, and hobby brewers.   Riots broke out among the many German towns and the nobles began taking sides between the people and the brewing oligarchs.  These skirmishes turned political and numerous nations outside Germania.  Even after the Biermakers Guild  lost the will to exist seven years later, the conflict had evolved to something that stretched the Gnome Lands

Brewers League                                                        The Anti-Brewers League
German Biermakers Guild   (1618-1625)                 The United League of Bier Freedom  (1618-1625)
The Gnoman Empires of Germania  (1618-1645)    Sweden (from 1625)
The Gnoman Empires of Italy  (1631-1648)             France (from 1641-1648)              
France   (from 1635-1640)                                        Bohemia (1618-1620)
Spanish Empire                                                         Saxony
Astria                                                                         Brandenburg- Prussia
Surfia                                                                         Brunswick-Luneburg
Croatia                                                                       Scottish Highlanders
Poland                                                                        Switzerland (from 1645)
Denmark  (1636-1640)                                              British (from 1641-1648)
Norway  (1636-1640)                                                Russia
The Witch                                                                  The Vampire

The Hopping Mad Rebellion (1618-1625)
The initial bier-fueled conflict.  The Gnoman Empires took up the mantle of the Guild against a few rogue nobles and the guerrilla campaign of the United League of Bier Freedom.  The Guild collapsed due to economic constraints, by the those pledging loyalty to the true Gnoman Emperor kept the conflict going.

Oh the Carnage!
 The Meatball Intervention (1625-1636)
Swedish Tomten join forces with the rogue forces and soon the Bier Freedom forces made great advances.  The death of Swedish Warlord Edibus Withtwofists in 1636 dampened the fighting mood of the Swedes, but they still lent troops to the cause until the very end.

The Pastry Intervention (1636-1640)
The Death of Edibus and the entry of France into the war turned the tide in favor of the Gnoman Protectorates.  Norway and Denmark allying with the Gnomans kept the Swedes out of the main conflict for a few years

The Double Kiss of the French (1641-1648)
While in the middle of the battlefield, the infamous Red Count of France decided to switch sides! Britain also joined the Bier Freedom League and was best known for crushing the Spanish Armada, thus ending Spain's future endeavours in colonizing the new world.

A Surrealist Interpretation of the Infamous Gnome, The Red Count of France
The Act of Swiss Calling Dibs (1645-1648)
In the waning years of the war, the Swiss finally became modernized and organized to field an competent army.  They conquered a number of the Gnoman Empire City-States in Italy, granting them access to a port in the first time in their history.  Swiss pikemen and arquebus forced the sides to make peace.

This was the first great militarization of Germany

The defeat of the Spanish Armada permitted British unfettered colonial access around most of the world.  The Spanish have never recovered.

The Treaty of Six Wise Friends (Budweiser) ended the war.  Most of the wise men involved were chased out of the Germany and settled in America.

The Biermakers Guild did not survive the war, and the craft was taken over my war profiteers. 
Despite the oligarchs influence, the movement to unite greater Germany would commence.

This was the first documented events of the appearance of the Witch and the Vampire, although sources debate which one fought on which side.

Gaming the Thirty Beers War
To run Gnome Wars scenarios in this war, one must remember that industrialization is 150+ years in the future.
No tanks (even bicycle)
No machine guns
No artillery
No mortars
No Cheesethrowers
No Flamethrowers
No Sikhs
No Japanese

The majority of the figures on the board should be either German or Swiss, and they be interchanged on both sides.  Remember, the default "costume" in most of the gnome world is the traditional Swiss look.  Swedes can be either blue and yellow Swiss or the red hat Tomte style. 

Special Rules
All rifles in this time frame will either be revised arquebus or blunderbuss.
                                             0-6 "     7-12"     12-24"   24-30"
  • Arquebus      1 shot      4+          4+          5+           6+
  • Blunderbuss  2 shot      4+          5+          6+       no range
All Rifles will fight in melee with a d4.

Blunderbuss backfires:  Any blunderbuss that rolls two ones when firing exploded, immediately killing the firer (no healing) and injuring anyone within 1" of that figure on a 4+. 

Medics:  Due to fluctuations in beer, magic, and anything else that would affect it, medics may successfully heal a figure on a 6+ on d8.

Cavalry:  This is the greatest cavalry war in the Gnome World.  Use as many of these units that you want. 

Halberdier:  Swiss NCOs originated from full units of Halberd-wielding gnomes.  Use all appropriate stats for the NCO, including cost.    Any time a halberd unit is in a perfectly square formation (same number of number on each side they are considered to be in square per the rulebook.   An enemy unit can not charge the formation (stop their move within 2") without a leader leading from the front.  Even if a leader is there, they are required to make a 7+ morale check.


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