(Fistful of Gnomes) A Stroll Through the Park

When I get the chance to talk Gnome Wars with folks, the requests usually come in a few varieties.

1. When is a new edition coming out?  
2. Why isn't there X nationality?
3. Why isn't there a scenario book? 

My answers, as just one of the Stout Gnome Minions with an active blog? 

1. I will admit that we talk around a new edition right now, rather than sitting down and knocking it out quite yet.  
2. With the exceptions of Gnomans, Hawaiians, and the like, most nationalities can be modified using existing figures.  Anything more exotic requires a lot of collaboration between the designers, Lon at Brigade Games, and, of course the person actually sculpting figures.  Even with the current product focus of units over individual figures, you reading the blog of the guys who has Californian, Mormon, and Missouri militia units. 
3. There are so many cool scenarios and after action reports in print and online, we would probably end up accidentally putting a gnome stamp of approval on something that already exist.  

Before gnomes, before teddy bears, before frogs and mouslings, there was Flintloque - Fantasy Napoleonic warfare in 25mm by Alternative Armies.  Now, even at skirmish level, Napoleonic wargaming feels different than the Gnome Wars universe, which is roughly fantastical early 20th Century, but there is just a treasure trove of material already available online.  

This is one of those attempts to use gnomes in A Stroll in the Park, a three-part scenario.

 And it's fitting that the same week I read that Dos Equis is bringing back their most famous marketing campaign, I break out Bruce Carmezind, the Most Interesting Gnome in the World.

Bruce is older and a hair slower, but the chicks continue to dig his new scars, so he continues to act like he's a hundred-year old gnome. 

This week, he's leading a motley group of gnome rangers and rifleman to escort a group of engineers to destroy a signal tower, deep behind the German lines. 

Part One: Bruce, his team, and his engineers need to sneak down a dry river bed to get to the tower. 

Time is of the essence, but noise kills.  Each turn, the group draws one card from a deck of playing cards if they're walking, two if they're running.  Any non-face card (Ace through 10) is no effect.  Any face card is a results ranging from animals getting flushed out and giving up their position (and drawing more cards) to enemy troops landing on the board to an actual ambush! 

Expecting the worst, I had two units of Sikh mercenaries at the ready.  They remained their for the entire quick scenario.  

Bruce and his men were true professionals with a healthy dose of luck.  Allowing a 6" double action sneak move, they needed nine draws to get through the winding river bed to the other side. 

Not a single face card.

Bruce and his crew

Part Two:  The Objective:  Get the engineers to the base of the tower.  The engineers must spend an action setting the explosives.  They may move and set the explosive, recovery rolls or melee negate the action for that turn.  Each successful action rolls a d8, once the cumulative number reaches 28, they escape as the tower explodes! 

As much as I love a simple and successful infiltration, I did up the ante, especially when the random element I rolled wasn't German or Sikh, but embedded Swiss resistance to escort them to their coastal rendezvous!

First off, the Germans in the tower knew they were nearby...

Technically Sykes and his mistress were downstairs....

Nothing ever happens at Tower B-17 of the Imperial Telegraph & Semaphore Corps, Third Reserve.  Otto Kleinwachter manned the tower, relayed the messages and stayed quiet.  He was annoyed with Retired Exploratory Officer Siegfried Sykes showed up unannounced, with his "domestic assistant" Hettie,  but having once stolen a few intimate moments with the wife of a Signal officer back in his youth, he climbed the tower to give them privacy.  

He didn't need to interrupt the couple downstairs with yelling or an alarm.  As the Swiss infiltrators climbed the bank of the dry riverbed, a single shot rang out from atop the tower.   Otto could see a single Swiss figure scurry back into the riverbed for cover.  

That gnome, Bruce Carmezind, having narrowly missed an untimely demise with a leathal weapon, tumbled back into cover, exasperated and slightly embarrassed.

"Dafür bini z’alt!    Ich hätte die Tunnel benutzen sollen!"

Most of the Swiss braved the open field towards the tower, but Carmezind was wise enough to send half the engineers, and two riflemen, to tunnel underground as back-up. 

Which seemed like an even smarter idea, especially when Sikhs, drawn by the gunfire, emerged near the trees!   Half had reconnoitered through the woods, while the other half boldly marched forward in a firing line.  

Much to the Sikh officer's chagrin, the Swiss took minor casualties and return far more effective fire, scattering much of the firing line into the woods.  This sacrifice allowed the remainder to flank the flimsy Swiss position, dropping the invaders.   

 Add to that the appearance of Sykes and his disgruntled mistress into the fray, and the Swiss mission was in peril, the engineers scrambling to the rear of the tower to accomplish whatever they could. 

Perhaps it was fact that Swiss are traditionally a defensive minded people, so the Sikh attack but them at ease.

Perhaps they all simply wanted to live.  

Or Perhaps it was Bruce Carmezind, finally recovering from the clarity of safety, had charged forward and rallied his fallen and bloodied gnomes to keep fighting!  

Every wounded gnome not only recovered, but pulled their rifles back to their shoulders, fired, and all hit their enemies, killing one, wounded a second, and sending two other fleeing to the cover of the woods!  

The rally seemed to grow stronger with the appearance of their Swiss brethren, killing the Sikh officer, but getting distracted by Otto, still atop the tower with his rifle.

But as luck would have it, the Sikhs cowering in the woods for many turns, were perhaps inspired by the death of their officer, all recovered at the same time and joined their fellows charging the original Swiss at the tower.

The carnage was glorious. Sykes and Hettie took out the Swiss ranger officer, until Sykes was shot by Carmezind and abandoned his mistress for the safety of the tower. Hettie's life was spared as Otto made a crack shot, taking the most interesting gnome in the world out of action.

The Swiss were brave, but wounded and the Sikhs made short work of them.

The Sikhs seemed to need a moment to regroup, but Hettie took charge, running around the tower and engaging the engineers as they were setting up the charges. She took out one before some of the Swiss relief forces finally dispatched her.

There was a short firefight between the Swiss relief and the regrouped Sikhs.  The second engineer was taken out of action, things looked lost.

And then something broke through from below.

The Swiss engineers that had been tunneling finally made it to the far side of the tower, and frantically set charges!

And after many turns in a desperate firefight, Otto was finally wounded.  Laid out on his back, clutching his chest, staring up at the sky... his last thought before the explosion obliterated the tower.  

"I'm least I'm not hiding like that bastard officer downstairs..." 

RIP: Otto

All in all, the scenario was just enough chaos to satisfy my (twisted) gnome mind.  Of course, I calculated it afterwards, but it's only a 1-in-14 chance (7%) to not draw a face card in that first part.  

Overall, I liked this scenario as part of a larger campaign, one where sabotage and infiltration might be considered more mechanical than tactical.  Per the original scenario, and per my die rolls, it should have been an overwhelming Swiss success, which works better as a table result than a lopsided victory on the table.  

I am happy with the way tunneling worked, I'll tack those onto my ongoing Fistful of Gnomes document I'm compiling. 

I'll need to calculate casualties and get things set up for Part Three: "Long Walks on the Beach", coming soon! 

A Stroll in the Park by Tony Harwood can be found at Orcs in the Webbe . It was first published on the 13th December 2017 as part of its 2017 Advent Calendar.

I love the idea of the Advent Calendar, especially since it covers a variety of things for a wide swath of their games.  The drop down header only links to 2020, so I was delighted to see the 2025 version.