It was a disaster at Bigg Melon Market, but the day was young.
The Channel 27 Action News Van arrived an hour later. Smoke was coming out of the Bigg Melon and the adjacent liquor store. Reporter Wendy Montoya's report focused on unknown attacks on the community's senior citizen population, how some rioted in their Jazzies at the local liquor store, and how a batch of complimentary sushi at Bigg Melon, a new prepared food product at the market, may have caused some deadly food poisoning.
The cameraman spent most of his time focusing on a group of old veterans, panting, gasping for air, barely able to walk. While these were the accused rioters at the liquor store, the cameraman picked up a fact the local Emmy award-winning Wendy didn't. These same men were emerging from the market when they pulled up. They had just made it to the handicapped spots when they went live. They could barely walk, much less riot.!
Terry Decimal, quintessential customer service guy and new meat department guy, had given the vets a rousing speech to loot and riot, except Jeff, their IT guy at the market had stolen many of the scooter batteries to power a device to electrocute all the snakes running lose. Most of the vets with power to their scooters were blocked in by the disabled ones.
Terry had gone over to the liquor store alone and went all Fight Club on them. He alone was responsible for all the damage (and lots of missing booze).
And the other seniors getting food poisoning on complimentary sushi was understandable, as Steve the produce guy had picked up all the electrocuted snakes to avoid a county inspection demerit and started up a makeshift sushi stand to distract the remaining seniors.
Fast forward four weeks...
Steve and Jeff were at Home Depot, filling out job applications, due to their subsequent firings. Terry and Shawn were there for moral support and to get chain link fencing and razor wire for around the bacon at the market.
Things were fine, until a ruckus was occurring near the front of the store. Some man, looking like a deranged Santa Claus in an undershirt and shorts, was pushing a cart full of Valspar paint samples he was fashioning into origami, yelling at nearby customers about the Corona hoax, the deep state, and how he just wanted to go back to work.
Shawn first realized that the Valspar samples came from Lowes and told Terry and his great customer service skills (4) to dissolve the tension.
Problem was, Terry went a rational route, and the man was not in the mood for "Fake News." He pushed Terry away and reached into his cart for an odd piece of headgear....
Everyone was still in shock by the scenario, so the many fashioned his paint swatch-origami into samurai armor...
Out of the surrounding customers emerged three supporters of the COVIDiot, a ninja (no mask), Gritty from the Philadelphia Flyers, and a greased-up male swimsuit model... America flag Speedo... no mask.
The fight was so ridiculous that Shawn just wanted to go to Lowe's. -Ninja stars, last season's fashions, Gritty throwing grill parts, and the old man shooting lasers and misinformation out of the helm.
Most of the melee took place near the front entrance, but by the end, the devastation carried across the entire front of the store. The ninja fled, the male model got the front of his Speedo caught between two shopping carts, and Gritty caught the business end of a zero-turn riding motor.
The head COVIDiot was tougher to defeat, but such a versatile man like Terry Decimal is always prepared.
I don't know what was worse, the fact that he had saved the severed snakeheads from the Bigg Melon sushi disaster, or that he had them on his person weeks later and wanted to poison Mr. Pool Noodle with them.
He failed at poisoning him, but in the struggle, two of them were jammed in the opening of the pool noodles, blocking all the Stupid Energy(TM) from coming out and he mentally imploded.
Only words of wisdom pre-credits came from Steve, "When one door closes, another door opens. He was a great man, but a horrible cabinet maker!"
The Channel 27 Action News Van arrived an hour later. Smoke was coming out of the Bigg Melon and the adjacent liquor store. Reporter Wendy Montoya's report focused on unknown attacks on the community's senior citizen population, how some rioted in their Jazzies at the local liquor store, and how a batch of complimentary sushi at Bigg Melon, a new prepared food product at the market, may have caused some deadly food poisoning.
The cameraman spent most of his time focusing on a group of old veterans, panting, gasping for air, barely able to walk. While these were the accused rioters at the liquor store, the cameraman picked up a fact the local Emmy award-winning Wendy didn't. These same men were emerging from the market when they pulled up. They had just made it to the handicapped spots when they went live. They could barely walk, much less riot.!
Terry Decimal, quintessential customer service guy and new meat department guy, had given the vets a rousing speech to loot and riot, except Jeff, their IT guy at the market had stolen many of the scooter batteries to power a device to electrocute all the snakes running lose. Most of the vets with power to their scooters were blocked in by the disabled ones.
Terry had gone over to the liquor store alone and went all Fight Club on them. He alone was responsible for all the damage (and lots of missing booze).
And the other seniors getting food poisoning on complimentary sushi was understandable, as Steve the produce guy had picked up all the electrocuted snakes to avoid a county inspection demerit and started up a makeshift sushi stand to distract the remaining seniors.
Fast forward four weeks...
Steve and Jeff were at Home Depot, filling out job applications, due to their subsequent firings. Terry and Shawn were there for moral support and to get chain link fencing and razor wire for around the bacon at the market.
Things were fine, until a ruckus was occurring near the front of the store. Some man, looking like a deranged Santa Claus in an undershirt and shorts, was pushing a cart full of Valspar paint samples he was fashioning into origami, yelling at nearby customers about the Corona hoax, the deep state, and how he just wanted to go back to work.
Shawn first realized that the Valspar samples came from Lowes and told Terry and his great customer service skills (4) to dissolve the tension.
Problem was, Terry went a rational route, and the man was not in the mood for "Fake News." He pushed Terry away and reached into his cart for an odd piece of headgear....
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| The Helm of Covfefe |
Out of the surrounding customers emerged three supporters of the COVIDiot, a ninja (no mask), Gritty from the Philadelphia Flyers, and a greased-up male swimsuit model... America flag Speedo... no mask.
The fight was so ridiculous that Shawn just wanted to go to Lowe's. -Ninja stars, last season's fashions, Gritty throwing grill parts, and the old man shooting lasers and misinformation out of the helm.
Most of the melee took place near the front entrance, but by the end, the devastation carried across the entire front of the store. The ninja fled, the male model got the front of his Speedo caught between two shopping carts, and Gritty caught the business end of a zero-turn riding motor.
The head COVIDiot was tougher to defeat, but such a versatile man like Terry Decimal is always prepared.
I don't know what was worse, the fact that he had saved the severed snakeheads from the Bigg Melon sushi disaster, or that he had them on his person weeks later and wanted to poison Mr. Pool Noodle with them.
He failed at poisoning him, but in the struggle, two of them were jammed in the opening of the pool noodles, blocking all the Stupid Energy(TM) from coming out and he mentally imploded.
Only words of wisdom pre-credits came from Steve, "When one door closes, another door opens. He was a great man, but a horrible cabinet maker!"
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