(Review). Mythic Beasts and Brews - Easton, PA

Another weekend down by the ancestral manse, taking care of the yard and inside projects, yet another trip to Home Depot.   After the chaos at the local mall with the FLGS  (Cardi B made an appearance... glad I pushed my visit to Sunday), I remembered that Easton did have a second FLGS, it was closer to the Home Depot, and they serve coffee.  

Mythic Beasts and Brews, technically in Wilson Borough, is a small shop handling everything tabletop gaming, plus your favorite coffees, smoothies, and all the varieties there within. 

After a few hit and misses recently, I was greeted by a small young man holding the door for me, as well as one of the owners!   The young man did his very best to get me to buy Magic cards, or paint, or a board game... He wasn't staff, but if you've got a grade school kid plugging the store with that much enthusiasm, you're doing something right.  

Deviating my normal process, I ordered a coffee.... no, a fantasy themed espresso!  Huge jump of faith of me, as I usually take coffee one way....

... but a Dragon's Blood (Breath?) was guaranteed to increase my pillaging.... It was zippy, tasty, and under five bucks.... I think that might have been the most expensive regular item on the menu.

Location:   Freemansburg Ave is five minutes off the major highway.  I easily found free street parking, and that was with a well-attended Magic event going on in the other room.

Miniatures: Warhammer and War Machine, with Citadel Paints.  Wizkids D&D.   Nothing crazy, but also everything in stock! 

Board Games: The immense and diverse selection in the back... and I'll mention here, the free boardgame library for in-store use was in the play area, and was sorted by East/Intermediate/Advanced.  

RPGs: Standard D&D fare

Accessories:  A reasonable selection of dice, sleeves, and accessories.

The gaming area (from their Facebook page).

CCGs: Magic (Spider-man was in stock!) and Pokemon.  I also spied something with my little eye in the case that warmed my heart. 

No, I didn't go into my "I had one back in the day, and it was Beta!" talk.  

Events:  I didn't see the calendar, but there was Magic, War Machine, and D&D sessions going on in their social media.

Food: When plain old vanilla me likes your fancy schmancy Dragon drink, they're doing something right. 

With all that being said, Mythic Beasts and Brews gets four gnomes, on the world-famous Gaming with the Gnomies five-gnome scale. 

They've been in business for five years, they know what they're doing, they're extremely pleasant (even the over enthused grade schooler, I may have to come back just to play a game with that kid!), and they have more than just the basics. Plus I need to go back next weekend, just for a regular cup of coffee... unless their colorful markers on their sign draw me to something else. 

Mythic Beasts and Brews is at 1830 Freemansburg Ave, Easton, PA, United States, 18042.  They're open Monday 3-9, Tuesday-Friday 12-9, Saturdays 10-9 and Sundays 12-8.

(Risus) Be Prepared for a Talent Show

 Our weekly Gamma World game continues to go strong.  As episode 28 dropped last Tuesday, I have another 32 weekly write-ups in the can.  We left off at a good break point earlier this month to allow a player a few weeks off to deal with this odd thing called "real-life."

In his absence, I finally completed my "COVID Trilogy", or better yet, perhaps I should call in the Coffee Shop Trilogy.

Still a point of controversy all these years, COVID killed over a million Americans and millions worldwide.  But few remember the bravery and sacrifice of some of the true heroes of the front-lines:  grocery store employees when toilet paper was stowed away, baking hit an all-time high, and people wore the most outrageous get-ups to either protect themselves, or fight the new world order authoritarian regime, whatever was the by-line of the week.  

Mike Pnevmonus was one of those heroes.  A dirty, hairy, and fat Greek butcher in the meat department of a Giant Foods in Pennsylvania.  He though he had seen it all before, the shortages, the runs on the store, etc.  and by the end of it, he hung up his bloody apron and traveled the country, trying to find a place to settle down in peace.  

He ended up in Bloomington, Minnesota, and thanks to his odd penchant for olive slacks, took a job as a cashier at the Boy Scouts of America Superstore in the Mall of America

The Boy Scouts of America Superstore, Imagined by NightCafe

Working alongside him was Hoyce McGurgle, a 20-year emo-kid who had survived the COVID nightmare with his teenage apathy.  A steady stream of poor reviews let him wander the countryside, the final destination: The Boy Scout Store.  

The best thing about visiting the Boy Scout Store in the Mall of America?  A possibly infinite supply of the photography merit badge. 

The biggest problem with the store?  They were almost completely out of any scarves.  At least that's where all the complaints were coming from all week.

Shawn was a regular at the mall.  When he wasn't accumulating 30,00 steps before lunch, he was the resident expert at every store, or so he told them.  Allegedly he had been a Boy Scout as a lad, and had a broad memory of the finest BSA minutiae.  Occasionally he was even helpful, so the the fellas thought it best to keep him around. 

It was a beautiful day at the Mall of America.  It was just the way Minnesota was.

Hoyce and Mike raised the gates to the store and wandered to their spot around the registers.  Shawn, fresh from his 4-mile mall walk, came in.

"Hey guys, what's new?"

"Photography badges."

"You guys had them yesterday?" 

"We got a new shipment of them yesterday."

"What about the Excalibur pocket knife I ordered for month ago."

"What about the ones we have in the case?"

"Those don't have the dentist drillbit.  The Excalibur has the dentist drillbit."

"Why do you need a dentist drillbit?"

"To complete my dentist drillbit?"

"You're 85 years old!"

Even the apathetic Hoyce noticed that there were an unusual number of people shopping on a Thursday morning.  He girded his loins for the overwhelming act of Scan--> Pay --> Next!

As the typical Scout Mom brought up the last Webelos scarf in the state of Minnesota.  Hoyce scanned the item, the mother inserted the credit card... and the terminal kept clocking, absolutely no progress.

Mike peered over to Hoyce's machine, "Run the card again, and if it's still not working, punch in the numbers."

Hoyce, "It's not connecting at all"

Mike, "Then the internet is down.  Sorry folks, we're going to have to go to cash only."

Hoyce: "The wi-fi is working, I'm on my phone right now."

Shawn:  We can build an amateur radio with all the parts you have in stock.  

While the chaos of the cash-only economy descended upon the store, Shawn stared out at a number of mall employees set up an entire stage, complete with lights and rigging.  Shawn has obtained his lights and rigging merit badge and begins to assist the employees, who simply know better than to tell Shawn no.

Shawn completes the lights up top, when he hears the words, "Good, we're almost done.  Talent Show starts in 15 minutes."

Shawn: Talent Show?  Who's talent?

Employee: It's just the weekly national talent show at the mall.  We placed a Sudoku Store at the old location of the stage, so this is going to do today...

Shawn:  Can I participate?

Employee:  Sure!  It's a $50,000 cash prize... in tens.

Mike's getting frustrating handling cash.  The POS system does not like people using the No Sale button to open the register, so cash is simply stacked on the register.

Hoyce has decided to simply force the customers to round up for charity,...

As the tiny talented kids in adorable costumes show up for the talent show, UPS showed up with yet another delivery.  

Mike opened the box and revealed the long out-of-stock Mall Talent Show merit badge.  Of course half of the last 22 years of Boy Scouts waiting on an eternally back-ordered merit badge were coming to the mall to get one, and the other half wanted to sign up to the talent show show they would qualify for the badge... then purchase it. 

... and it was still cash-only.

Shawn:  "These skits are going to be terrible"

Morty, the manager, finally emerged from his office in the stockroom of the store, coffee in hand.

Mike: "Waitaminute, we've had a manager here the whole time?"

Morty was surprisingly quick to call the credit card company, but hung up with worry.  "We have a problem.  Since the BSA is bankrupt, the credit card fees haven't been paid.  We need to fundraise to pay off our bill, so let's assemble a skit for the talent show and win the $50,000.  I'm going to get another cup of coffee at the other end of the mall."

Hoyce: "Whatever, I'm on the clock."

Mike handled some of the more obstinate Boy Scout moms, Shawn thought up a classic Shawn idea.

"Hey, they closed that Sears down a week before they even opened the mall, but I bet the old credit card slides are there."

Hoyce: "I think we'd still have to pay our credit card bills."

Shawn: "Sure, but you can still take the slips and process them tomorrow."

Hoyce:  "Great idea, let me go get one."  And like that, Hoyce wandered away from his registered and walked down to Sears.  

Mike was flabbergasted, and Shawn was trying to convince Mike to sing Spice Girls for the talent show.  

Hoyce was surprisingly adept at breaking into the Sears storefront,   It was also a shock just how many of the old "knuckle buster" credit slides and large level carbon slip presses were on the counter in the jewelry department.  

Realizing that the larger imprinter could be swung as a weapon, Hoyce almost broke a smile and said, "Cool" before returning to the store.  

Back at the store, Shawn jumped behind the register to try to help Mike.   While Hoyce was apathetic, he had most of the prices memorized through no effort of his own.  Shawn did too, but at 1965 prices.

With the full fury of the talent show dance moms, Boy Scouts, other folks looking to win $50,000, and Peculiar Sal, Minnesota's favorite parody artist.  

Hoyce dropped his machines through the glass counter, and took a 15-minute break.   Morty decided not to question Hoyce's actions, as the manger returned with his coffee, and officially signed up the group for the talent show under "Musical Act".

As the talent show started, that corner of the mall fell into a weird time warp as each act seemed like an eternity, yet hundreds of acts were getting on stage within the mall's regular hours of operation.  

Once the store employees were called, everyone dropped everything to walk behind the stage, abandoning everything.  Morty has brought out a set of four velour Boy Scout jumpsuits from out of the backroom.  

The Boy Scout store sat behind the stage, watching "Eugene the Magician" dressed as Gandalf, began doing illusion and hypnotism.    Eugene talents were limited but his own major talent was summoning the actual zombies in the Mall of America (who could tell the difference from regular shoppers).  Sometimes a random zombie would get distracted and attack a dance mom, but most headed straight towards the stage.  

Everyone was entranced by the zombie horde, except Mike, who eyed a straight path back through the store and out the backdoor.  

Shawn pulled out his Zune and tried to lure the back end of the zombie horde to a new location with some success.  

Mike and Hoyce fought through the crowd to return to the store.  They grabbed the stacks of cash off the register, and dashed through the back store room, through the back door, into the hallway.  

Shawn successfully led his zombie horde to Hickory Farms and Doris' never-ending free samples.  Except that the first Hickory Farms he reach wasn't a storefront, it was the classic kiosk in the middle of the mall.  Lucky for Shawn, the zombies organized themselves into an infinite line, Getting free samples from Doris until she fell from exhaustion.  

Shawn didn't like Doris anyway.  

The zombies finally reached Eugene and knocked him over onto the stage.  In a classic scene, it looked like the zombie descended upon him and began pulling his entrails out.  In reality, they had simply hit his stash of never-ending scarves for his act.  Boy Scout neckscarves,  The horde of Boy Scout and Boy Scout adjacent attendees, waiting on the back-ordered neckwear attacked the stage and fought the zombies for the cloth. 

Fast Forward two years, 2026

Coastal village, somewhere in Eastern Europe. 

Another year, another pandemic.  But the country couldn't afford the fancy medicines of COVID-25 and 26.   They relied on other methods for social distancing.

At a quaint little cafe,  a large Greek man spied his socially responsible friend with a super-model on each arm, Hoyce, walking down the street, and toasted for their good fortune.  

This completes a ridiculous trilogy of COVID-adjacent adventures.  Bigg Melons  and the Great Hall of COVidiots were run in the first months of the pandemic, and I never got to us the street cafe picture above.  It's only really related by the use of Coffee Shop, and the appearance of Shawn in all three.

(Risus) Bigg Melons in the Time of COVID

Last week marked at big accomplishment for our Monday night online gaming group.

For the first time in MONTHS, we actually gamed.

Adding special guest, the renowned Gnome Guy himself, Jim Stanton, the usual suspects had another go at James D'Amato's Coffee Shop to engineer a retail setting for a one-shot using Risus.

Using my only guidelines, a modern electronics store... and it couldn't be the last Radio Shack, the guys created Shockers Electronics... and Kegerators.  It's decor (and employees) stuck in the last 80's, it was the best spot in the Quad Counties for all your battery needs, particularly 9-volts.  Unfortunately those days were numbered, because if Grunge and the 90s didn't kill them off, eminent domain for a new interstate would make that happen any day now.

The PC Employees

• Steve (Played by Sean) The repair guy who drove around a white van to do repairs.  His family ran a small candy company, so he was known to stop and give kids candy out of the van.
• Terry Decimal (Jim) - The quintessential customer service guy at the store.. and the only one who could talk to chicks.   A beer league hockey goalie and secret alcholic.
• Jeff (Jeff) - The high-powered, high pressure salesman in the stereo department.  Power suits, power ties, shoulder pads, with the Wall Street attitude to match.  
• Shawn (Steve) - That one disgruntled customer who simply never goes home, and is always complaining, even if it didn't matter to him.

The big twist? Shocker Electronics immediately went out of business the moment the state was shut down due to COVID-19.   Instead of the uncertainty of unemployment in these bleak times, the three employees got new jobs working at the Bigg Melon Market. 

• Steve the Repair Guy - Got a job in Produce.  He essentially squeezes the melons all day long.
• Terry - Working in the Meat Department and his drinking might be catching up to him.
• Jeff - Tries to hard sell people on milk, bread, and eggs, but his only known duty is to maintain and repair the self-cleaning robot.  Funny thing, no one has ever seen the self-cleaning robot.
• Shawn - The nagging customer is actually the manager of the Supermarket.

It's 6:55am and everyone is prepping things for the 7-8 Early Bird Senior Citizen Shoppers plaguing the world of COVID.  Everyone's ready, except Jeff, who staggers in the store through the employee entrance.  He's dressed like a bad reject from Miami Vice, save the large coffee stain.

7:00am - Shawn opens the doors to 98 seniors, most in scooters, pushing walkers, or wielding weapons, correction, canes... and zero masks or gloves.  Shawn performs some acrobatics jumping from one register to the next, finally reaching lane 17 and the only working microphone to announce a special on toilet paper.

Only problem, no one restocked the TP from the overnight.    

Things devolve further, as Manfred Lickbottom, county health inspector, makes his way through the front doors for a scheduled inspection.

Shawn blocks the few of his illogical carnage from Manfred as Steve from Produce dashes over and frees come Vietnam Vets on scooters from the TP Pile-Up and sends to in the direction of the bread.  Craig the Bread Guy, never same the slow moving vets coming and quickly succumbed to injuries.

#RIPCraig

On top of that, he hastily pulled a women with a walker out of the fray.  The tennis ball covering the legs fell off and the legs impaled Steve in the foot.

Terry finally left the meat department, where he was displaying the meat alphabetically by type, then by size, and came over the the TP aisle.  Jeff had been trapped in the TP aisle and was trying to soothe the elderly with his Melodica.   Terry used his customer service savvy to distract the seniors from panicking.

Using electronic store sign language Terry told Jeff to steal all the batteries out of the scooters, where the trapped old timers could be pulled out one by one.

As he completed removing the batteries, Jeff came face to face with dozens of snakes pouring out from under shelves.  He held his cool, but with the first woman's screams, mobility challenged geezers staggered in every direction.   Terry narrowly missed getting crushed by an endcap of canned hams, but the display managed to crush poor Gladys Runger of Rosecrest Gardens.  In a rather dark turn of events, Terry pulled out his meat cleaver and chopped off Gladys' legs poking out from under the endcap.

"Blood's a demerit, visible meat on the ground is an automatic fine..."

As to be expected, things got a little bit... fuzzy, at that point. 

Shawn managed to escort Manfred to the doors of the meat department/back storeroom, with only a few odd glances of snakes in the deli counter.   They met Terry, who was given demerits for his blood streaked face (use a face shield next time!) but no one question the women's lower legs he was holding (wearing gloves, way to go!)

Shawn had Steve grab the forklight and grab the pickle barrel that hadn't been on display since 1978... and also hadn't been emptied at that time either.  Now, Jeff had concocted a device out of all of the batteries he stole to electrocute most of the snakes, but prehistoric pickle juice and smoke bombs were the company policy for snakes.

The problem?  Steve had already lost his forklift operator certification and the quickly reminded everyone why that happened. 

The pickle juice barrel blocking his sight, Steve crashed through the stockroom doors with the lift up, ripping apart the wall, and having the debris knock him unconscious.  The forklift steamed it's way towards frozen food with Steve out like a light.

There were many heroes, but none greater than Terry and Shawn, who convinced the health inspector the social distancing taboos were happening the parking lot, and only Manfred had the authority to stop them.  Once he was out the door, Shawn saw the runaway forklift, crashing through the frozen food cases, dove over to a display of Pepsi Max shaped like a football and started chucking footballs to block the wheels of the machine. 

He did succeed in stopping it, but with one final lurch, the pickle juice tipped over onto the scooter-riding vets. 

... at least this opening was better than yesterday's Early Bird Hour.